PROTECT YOUR PEACE

Struggling to maintain your zen in the midst of the digital frenzy? We've all been there, scrolling endlessly through the highlight reels of others' lives, feeling the weight of comparison, and battling the ever-present influx of negativity. That's why we invited the House of Love general and the creator of "As the Culture Turns" to join us for a real talk on sidestepping the online chaos. With anecdotes and wisdom, we dissect how to protect your peace by taking breaks, appreciating the facade of perfection, and adopting healthy strategies to circumvent the toxicity that can consume us in the virtual world.

Work demands, life milestones, and relational ties; they can all tip the scales of our well-being if not navigated thoughtfully. I've personally felt the burn of overcommitment, learning the hard way that PTO isn't just a corporate perk—it's a necessity for balance and sanity. We wade through the complexities of setting work boundaries, the irony of 'perfect attendance', and the art of knowing when to prioritize self-care over societal expectations. It's a candid session on embracing your journey, asserting your needs, and understanding that sometimes, loyalty must be to yourself first.

But let's not forget the elephant in the room—money woes. They say it makes the world go 'round, but it can just as easily bring us to a screeching halt. Our conversation takes a turn towards financial stress, exploring the empowerment of multiple income streams and the savvy of budgeting without nixing the self-care line item. From my own hustle balancing creative gigs with a day job to practical financial advice, we share stories and strategies for keeping your head above the economic waters. Join us for a soul-nurturing session that promises more than just survival tips—it offers a blueprint for thriving amidst life's storms.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:26

All right, y'all welcome to the medium get up podcast with Ho Chumar. We're gonna play that music real quick.

Speaker 2: 0:39

It's medium ghetto intelligence her conversation. So once you come, hang with the gang Relatable topics from coming up both to the nonsense that all come along with these days, from trust in such a champion. We cover it all in what laughter. So what? You come, grab you a seat, also a pillow. You know that we medium ghetto and nothing can even compete.

Speaker 1: 0:55

All right, welcome back. All right. Today's topic is going to be Protecting you a piece. We're gonna be going over five scenarios and we'll be asking our guest panel how they're gonna protect your piece. I'm gonna start with introductions, though. All right.

Speaker 3: 1:16

I go ahead, grab that right quick, just to get it out the way. The one, the only 20 right House of Love general and man of horror and author of where the fuck is my book, skater diaries, get your copy down.

Speaker 4: 1:36

All right, then I guess I go on my name Jamiro. I'm the host and creator of as the culture turns. Um you much, yeah, host, creative as the culture turns and just an activist out here and just ready to get into this conversation. Bet, and this is candle, aka Afro mortis. I stream on twitch twitchtv slash Afro mortis.

Speaker 5: 2:00

I do poetry, gaming and activism content, bet he ain't playing no games though.

Speaker 1: 2:06

Always be playing games.

Speaker 5: 2:10

I I.

Speaker 3: 2:13

Literally what he just said.

Speaker 1: 2:17

All right, let's do this right. First, a personnel Context. The person is feeling overwhelmed and anxious due to constant exposure to negative news. Comparison traps in cyberbullying on social media platforms. Aka the men versus women. John, you can't go. I date the cheesecake factory, even though cheesecake factory is overly expensive in my opinion. All right. So Question for the guests in a world where social media can be double a double-edged sword, how would you advise someone to navigate these platforms, protect their peace of mind, especially when it becomes a source of stress and negativity?

Speaker 5: 3:02

Oh, anybody volunteer to take down first cuz I got? I got some stuff.

Speaker 3: 3:07

Anybody yeah, I mean, I think that comes down to.

Speaker 3: 3:13

Oh, so Like everything is kind of starting with self.

Speaker 3: 3:29

You know I'm saying outside of social media, like if you're a timid person outside of that social media isn't for you. You know it's not gonna change too much, so it's more so I think about being able to walk away from it and like Kind of tap in. You know I'm saying remind yourself that most of the shit you see it's hardly fucking fake. You know I'm saying remind yourself not to compare yourself to people and really just like Take breaks from it, because you know, unfortunately, like a lot of shit, like, especially the past couple years, a lot of news and shit that we've learned We've gotten from, like Twitter, our Instagram, you know, see, and so it was, like it is still. Social media is an important platform and it is something we should like learn how to operate. But if you do breaks you know we were observing a thousand people, opinions and thoughts a fucking day Take a second step away from it and just remind yourself that I will say that it's not real, but that I'm a better time.

Speaker 3: 4:26

Yeah, that is not real. Just just you know. I'm saying like I said I can't really think another way to say that part it's not yet, cuz I'm not kicking in. So yeah, but I think it just start, like I said this time myself, because I got. I get Like cyber bullying. I've seen that before when I was a high school and that she was like when social media first started and it was like on the Facebook and shit, and like I Didn't understand it, cuz I'm like I'm not about to be bullied by somebody on my bitch, come say to my face, but I get. For some people that is overwhelming. I just locked the fuck off like Any takers oh?

Speaker 4: 5:13

All right. So, Jamar, could you on rephrase your question again? I mean, could you say it again?

Speaker 1: 5:18

Sure and the world where social media is a double-edged sword. How would you advise someone to navigate their platform, these platforms, to protect their peace of mind, especially when Everything seems to be a source of negativity and stress? I Know you see it okay, so. On Chester Facebook. It's pretty damn toxic.

Speaker 4: 5:39

No, definitely, definitely on Chester Facebook. So my thing I would say first, you have to develop a healthy coping mechanism. So with that, you have to find healthy ways to cope with what you see, because social media can be a double-edged sword. It can be a good promotional tool for whatever you're doing, especially if you're using it for the right thing, but then they could also be a toxic type of environment where you feel like you're not good enough or you're not, you know, as successful as other people. So first, you really got to have ways to cope with that, because you're not gonna escape it at all.

Speaker 4: 6:11

Second, I would definitely say use it at a you use it to your advantage. That, and when I say that, do not try to compete with other people, do not try to, you know, compare yourself to other people, because I think our minds naturally do that and for me, I, I do. I'm not gonna say I do that, but I had a habit of doing that before you know. So once I developed a healthy coping mechanisms, I was able to navigate it and figure out the benefits of using social media, as opposed to focusing on the negative Social media. That's what I would pretty much say. So what?

Speaker 1: 6:48

kind of. Y'all seen so far.

Speaker 3: 6:54

If I get to condo, Age, that's the one up, that's the biggest one I hate. Oh, you, 30 plus, and you know, kids again married. Yeah, bitch, I'm living my life according to myself. Yeah, yeah, oops, sorry, I'm living my life. I don't my bad. You know, like that one is the one I hate the most. As if, like you know 20s, you just figure it all the fuck out and life is known and everything you want and believe it, just all happens and then once you turn 30, life ends and you're just a whole bitch like I look fucking good, I'm gonna be 32. You know, I'm gonna tell me I peed already, like I'm just not learning myself and really understanding myself. So that age comparison shit pisses me off.

Speaker 4: 7:36

Yeah, I'm a little bit of piggyback off of that. Like it can be, like the you see your peers, they eat. A lot of people are like buying houses. You know they start in families and sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, like why don't I have the money to buy a house yet or, you know, a family. But a lot of things can be, at least for me I might compare, like if I'm in the same industry as other people, like with Podcasting.

Speaker 4: 7:59

Sometimes I can find myself by the compare in numbers or, you know, wondering why I don't get as many shares or as many likes and Different things like that. But then, like you said, jamar, especially when it comes to Chester Facebook, a lot of it is a popularity contest, you know. So unless you're on there, you know, trying to be popular on putting those trap type of statuses up there to get the likes and everything, then I think you will go under that type of attention. So for me is more about comparing where I'm at on with my aspirations right now. So the personal stuff I learned to navigate and I try not to compare personally but professionally. That is a challenge for me. So more so of comparing my aspirations to other people's.

Speaker 1: 8:39

But and can they'll be? I'm gonna ask you that question again and also add on you know gotta repeat it.

Speaker 5: 8:49

So with social media, right.

Speaker 5: 8:51

There's like you guys said, there's a shit load of comparing going on, but the rule for, like, managing your social media and all of your life is the exact same as outside of your social media. You are running your own race, you are on your own treadmill. You do not have to be that person, you don't have to be as good as this person. You don't have to have, like, all of these assets that somebody else might have Because you may just not be there yet. That's not the position that you're in in your life. If you want it, don't waste your time staring at everybody else that has it. Go get it. Get up and do the work to get to that position and Chase after what you want. But if you look at like the fastest track runners in the world, they don't run like this. Looking behind them, their eyes are forward, looking at their track, going where they need to go to do what they need to do.

Speaker 5: 9:40

Now, that's not to say you just ignore all the hate, cuz it's gonna come, but that's also to be expected. Anybody who puts themselves out there in any capacity Whether you are a poet, whether you're a musician, a podcaster, anything like that they're always gonna be people who disagree with you. That's okay, like if people didn't disagree with you, you probably weren't saying anything like worth like discussing to begin with. There's always gonna be people who have something to say about what you want to do, who you want to be, what you want to accomplish. Focus on doing that, accomplishing it and surrounding yourself with people not, yes, man, but people who will consistently challenge you and push you to do better when you feel like you might be slipping. Otherwise. That's that's really like my you know my case in a box for that.

Speaker 3: 10:29

Mike, I had a conversation they might have had a conversation recently and ultimately, like the, the idea that kind of came up with I, whatever, it's just like our not idea. But the consensus of the conversation basically ended of like people being so obsessed, are worried about within other people's cups and not even care so what's in their own. So it's like you like, oh, he can do that, she can do that, they got this. They are then this like you know, you haven't even stopped to realize what you have because everybody is also better, and so like there's something that you can do that nobody fucking can do the way that you do it. And when you spend so much time looking at everybody else that you never discover what your, with your shit is Like there's something that you have a cup to it. It's like people get so I think with social media we get so obsessed with those other cups and she had to. It's like we want that that so many people haven't even Died into their own shit. They didn't even realize they have a cup.

Speaker 5: 11:20

Like yeah, I have even like a little anecdote to add to that. I work in schools a special needs kid doing like one-on-one support, the this one kid that I worked with. He was easily like one of the fastest kids in his class, right, if he just ran like it's like okay, wow. But when it came time to race, this kid was doing exactly what I said like track runners don't do. He would be in first place and you would watch him coming up to the end and he would break his neck to see if anybody was behind him. He fell once because of doing that. He tripped over the cone that they were using as their marker. You can't do that. You can't stress over what other people are doing. If somebody beats you, how, how did they do it, what did they do, or prepare to put them in a position to outdo you and learn from them. Don't get bitter about it. Don't get upset about it chase.

Speaker 5: 12:11

I'm like yeah emulate that, even if you went as hard as you possibly could, they might have a couple tricks or two, like what they're breathing, what they're stride with, the steps they take. That put them a little bit ahead of you. Emulate that instead of getting upset about it. We're thinking you're not as good as them or not good enough. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 12:29

I like it.

Speaker 1: 12:32

I think for me, my answer is, like for social media, when it gets too exhausting, what I usually do is I honestly log off or like I just choose to make my social media more positive. You know what I mean? Cause obviously I look on my social media and I know social media is cap because I go to these content creator conferences. I see them capping. I'm in the background when they're filming the cat. You know what I'm saying. Everything is cat. You see these a lot of times. I see girls compare themselves and beauty on there and, to be honest, these girls are just taking great photos with great angles. You know what I'm saying. I think, just like good guys, who gets what girls? Who's married? Who has kids like you said a lot of times, when you rush that kids, it's kind of sucks to be like what am I 30? I think I'm 32.

Speaker 3: 13:27

I think I'm 32.

Speaker 1: 13:28

If I'm not mistaken I think I'm 32.

Speaker 1: 13:31

Yeah, I ain't got no kids or I'm no longer married. You know I could be looked as like Phil. I don't have my own home and they can be looked as a Phil. You know, it's so easy to compare. I can see these people getting these nice, these nice vehicles. I'm like dang, I ain't got a nice vehicle like that. I can see people eating out all the time. I can like damn, I can't even afford that. I can see people just taking shots and having fun. I was like damn, I wish I had good friends like that that could do that. You know I'd see people taking trips. I was like I came in for the trip by the end of the day. You don't know their story and what they gave up for that. Like you know, you're spending thousands of dollars on podcast equipment and things to build yourself.

Speaker 1: 14:10

They still do thousands of dollars on a trip. So there is sacrifices. I think people aren't.

Speaker 3: 14:14

They probably just scammed and low key. If they show the real idea, they ask to go to jail. So now they got a fake idea. They on the trip on Instagram. What's up? I don't even, I don't even like to come at it from that angle, just like just, but I just mean like as far as, like I don't lie, like everybody, everybody's behind a girlfriend.

Speaker 1: 14:30

All my friends think I'm dating somebody because I always got a picture with a girl on my on my story, so they don't know who I'm dating. I'm not dating nobody. I'm single as fuck. But like all that cap makes makes me seem more attractive or for some reason it makes people wonder what would do I see in him. Someone just asked how he was in the day.

Speaker 5: 14:50

It's not even really cap Like, it's just social proof. If you see a guy he goes out to like, say it's a gaming or like an anime convention or something, he's by himself walking around, whatever cosplay he's wearing, it's like okay, that guy's kind of cool, he has like his thing going. But that's different than seeing somebody who walks in. They have three girls in their group, they've got like three or four guys with them. They're all together, they're laughing, they're making jokes, they're having a good time. That tells you something about the person immediately. Just because we have that implicit bias of if you already have friends, I want to be your friend too. Versus, why do you have no friends? Why are you by yourself? It's the same thing with going to the movies or going out to eat dinner by yourself at a restaurant. Like, have you all done that? Have you gone out by yourself to a shop? Oh yeah.

Speaker 3: 15:35

That's how you eat some food by yourself.

Speaker 5: 15:37

Yeah, then you know, there's initially the like oh, this feels weird.

Speaker 1: 15:43

I want a lot of going to pets going to pets too by yourself and you're a grown ass man and everybody got their kids and you just there by yourself. You feel a little weird.

Speaker 5: 15:53

Yeah, but sometimes seeing other people's badass little kids can be the only birth control you need.

Speaker 1: 15:58

I was mad he was not shut up.

Speaker 3: 16:00

Oh, I'm an uncle and a guy, Daddy. Let me tell you that's one enough. You go back to your mama. I ain't ready yet. No, daddy.

Speaker 3: 16:09

They go you daddy, I mean, granted, it won't necessarily happen for me, on the accident at least, so I have a full choice in the matter. But nevertheless, right now, and probably for the next 10 to 15 years, the choice is no, and I don't give a fuck how old I am, how old I get. Ain't nobody about to make me feel like, oh, you should be married and should have a kid.

Speaker 5: 16:28

No, my man had me until 43. I'm pulling.

Speaker 3: 16:31

Like that's, that's the other part, because motherfuckers are so worried about other people, just worried about yourself. Which are you happy with your 25, with your six kids and your marriage at 25? No, no, no, cap.

Speaker 1: 16:43

No cap. I just was on hands today and one of the profiles I read was like she said yes, I got. If you don't like kids, you shouldn't swipe on me. And then it said no, I don't know. I don't think I should go back to my baby daddy. Yes, I have six kids. I'm looking for a man who likes kids. I don't think you should be dating man. We got six kids.

Speaker 5: 17:05

No see, that's not even. I don't even think that's fair.

Speaker 2: 17:08

Because there's somebody who, almost like, bites a bone, somebody deal with it.

Speaker 5: 17:11

It's not even dealing with it, somebody who say a guy can't have a son I would want to be there. And he would be OK yeah they would be OK with being a stepdad. I think at this point in my life if I met a girl who already had a kid. I'd probably be cool with it at this point, like having a long term relationship, I think it'd be like a joint family dating site when you got like two people raising 15 kids together yeah.

Speaker 3: 17:33

That is literally a movie plot, like waiting to happen.

Speaker 5: 17:36

That's like some kids, no but the whole plot of the movie is that they're both hiding how many kids they have from each other and then they show up at like some family event. It's like oh, are all those your nieces and nephews? No, I have six.

Speaker 3: 17:49

I can't find her. I'm Catholic.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Right, oh, my god, all right, let's start.

Speaker 4: 17:56

I think like the topic you're learning with the whole dating thing. My bad, Keep going.

Speaker 4: 18:02

No no, no, you can go.

Speaker 4: 18:05

Nothing I'm delaying, so sorry.

Speaker 4: 18:09

All right, now I'm about to say because y'all were just on the topic of that Because I do slightly disagree with that, because that was just a debate about people saying that people who make under 50K should not be dating, and a lot of the average person make under 50K. So they're basically telling us who make under or at 50K that we should not be dating. So I think, when it comes to dating and everything like that, you shouldn't be judged or defined by past choices you made, whether that was how many kids you got, how many relationships you was in or even your current financial status, because we all know, as men, that we are defined by how much money we make. So I would never want to define a woman by how many kids you got, because I know operas we don't like on being defined by how much money I make. Now, well, I date a woman with six kids. It may not be the best option for me, but there might be somebody out there for her that can take care of her and her six kids.

Speaker 3: 19:01

Oh yeah, oh no, yeah, somebody's going to do it. Somebody's always going to be there.

Speaker 1: 19:04

I mean, like Alyssa, a couple million here might take on a try.

Speaker 5: 19:10

Bro, that's the first pickup line. You're trying to make it eight.

Speaker 1: 19:13

You're trying to make it 12?.

Speaker 3: 19:15

So you're going to say, oh, no, what the fuck. Trying to double up. Hell no, not double up.

Speaker 5: 19:21

I don't even want six kids myself.

Speaker 3: 19:25

I have eight.

Speaker 5: 19:26

Shit actually, while we're in that position, jermair is completely right. Me myself right now. After I totaled my car back in June, up until the point I'm at now I haven't wanted to do any dating at all because I borderline defined myself by having a car. But then I also realized how much comfort I had when I was able to just OK, it's a 25 to 30 minute drive to work. I'm there and back super quick. That makes me feel good, makes me feel like I'm in a much better position.

Speaker 5: 19:53

But, like I was talking with you about Jermair last night, needing to do like now I'm doing a 90 minute commute is going to be a lot harder for me to realistically or consistently date somebody when I do have to deal with that at least three or four days a week plus my actual full time day job. So I don't think it's fair to ever say anybody should step out of dating, because after a certain point you get to the point where you're talking about like people with special needs who should never date. If you have Down syndrome or autism or anger issues or whatever, you shouldn't be dating at all. Because what if you pass those to your kids? And that's like it's a really messed up way of looking at the world and trying to put people in boxes where they're not allowed to do things because of who they are.

Speaker 3: 20:34

And this is. It takes away the reality of human error, because we all have moments Like we're not always on top financially. You know, sometimes you might really need some fucking help. You're going through a bad phase. That happens. You know what I'm saying. You might. You know mental health that changes. You know you might lose a parent or something and now you know you're trying to deal. You know, learn how to deal with that and that can take a nice amount of time. You know what I'm saying. That could change your mental health in your mind state. So it's like life can always happen to you and I think when people make these dumb ass rules, they're ruling out the fact that life could happen to them.

Speaker 1: 21:11

I think you know that's what wake up tomorrow. It was everything. So social media poises the mind unconsciously to think, to make you forget about human error too, and that's what a comparison goes to. You're comparing your human error to everyone's perfection, and I think, because you forget about human error after a while, everyone just seems so perfect.

Speaker 1: 21:33

Well, let's let's get on to work life balance. Scenario. Right, let's see, you are working in a highly competitive corporate environment with long hours and high stress Sounds like my job leading to burnout in a significant imbalance between personal life and work. Given the pressures of modern work cultures, what strategies would you suggest for someone struggling to find a healthy work life balance, and how can they assert balance without jeopardizing their career? Let me give you a little bit more details. We got someone at our job, a really nice lady, but she's so stressed out, she has a salary position, she's so stressed out, she's like manages like a whole department and when she she will literally not get some of her work and she'll come back. She'll pretty much work 18 hours, 18 and 20 hour days and days. I've seen this lady work 22 hours before and then come back, take a nap and then come and come back like two hours later and then work again and she literally cut her mother's death short to come back to work because she was scared that her department was falling apart.

Speaker 4: 22:49

I see that's some. Yes, she got a terrible life balance, yeah, yeah, no, her own work life balance is very terrible because she tends to put work before her life and I feel like work is not. I want to say work is not reality, but it's not. You know, your, your real life.

Speaker 4: 23:09

I would say you know it's a part of your life. Oh yeah, exactly so, um, given this scenario, you gave Jamar and the kind of give my opinion on that. I'm real big on work. That is because I feel like in order to have a happy life, you got to be able to, you know, live your life. Um, if you're only wear ball, I'm working all the time, that's easier said than done, because a lot of our lives right now, in our livelihood, we do got to make money. I'm someone right now who has two jobs because I need more money. However, I make sure that that second job I got. I specifically told them that I can be as needed, because I do need a nice work-life balance for the things that I want to do outside of working.

Speaker 4: 23:53

At my first job, my main job, I had to come in there as a new person and I was put in a supervisor position. Imagine trying to come into a job where people have already been there. Mind you, I work with deaf people, my main co-worker he's a deaf person himself. What they call us is we are hearing people, I'm a hearing person coming to their culture and I have to basically delegate the type of tasks we're going to do with the deaf participants for that day. For me, again, I don't have that much experience within the deaf community.

Speaker 4: 24:28

I had to really learn a lot of what was going on there. That took a lot of my life because, honestly, that's like learning a whole other language. I had to really dedicate myself to learning their language because that's their culture. I didn't want to go in there and write on a whiteboard every day because then it's like I'm not even trying to learn their culture. At the beginning and I've only been there for five months at the beginning, I literally had to dive deep into that. When I would leave work, I would go home, watch YouTube videos and watch interpreters so that I can learn their language.

Speaker 4: 24:58

Now I'm at a good point where, okay, now I know the basics of their language and I'm able to have more time for my life and everything, because the main thing I had to do was make sure that, number one, I didn't get demoted. Number two, again, I was respecting their culture and coming in and actually trying to learn, because the first thing on the application is must be learning the American Sign Language. If I wouldn't have the attitude of like, well, I don't want to learn this, this is not my language. I would have been demoted or easily fired. For me, a good work-life balance is very necessary because, again, if you come to work and you're mad in your personal life, I feel like that creates a toxic work environment. If you come home and you just couldn't constantly complain about work, then you're just being toxic around the people when you're real life. You really got to have a good balance and know how to cut each one off and don't let them intersect with each other. That's what I personally think.

Speaker 3: 25:59

Keep home at home and work at work. What I was going to say really quick too with the woman, like, with somebody like that too, it's not as hard as shit, because I don't know her. But unfortunately, sometimes people like that if it's not your career, like if it's your career, working hours like that almost feels like nothing, because you love what you do. If it's your job, go fuck these jobs. What are you working so hard for? Because if you die killing yourself working here, they're just going to replace you. It's not going to be like oh, she was the best worker, we just can't find another. They look at the applications already.

Speaker 5: 26:35

So it's like I even disagree with that though, because the job I'm doing now, like working with the special needs kids and Jamira would honestly even disagree with what you had initially said. It's not the fact that, like you go into your job, you come out of it, go home, you start learning sign language. Now, on your way to work or you're on your way anywhere, you run into a deaf person who's having trouble at the store. You can help better than 94% of the people in the store because of something you learned from work Me. If I run into a kid that's having like an emotional disruption in the hallway when I'm just walking out of the school getting ready to clock out, because of my training and the stuff that I've done with the kids that I work with, if a neurotypical kid is just having a really bad day and they need someone to talk to, I know how to like kind of weed that out of them in a way where they feel safe and comfortable to discuss it.

Speaker 5: 27:24

Because of the work that I've been doing and it is a job it's something that I don't work like a full 40 hours because I only work during school hours, so it's like 30 to a week. But all of what I've learned from the job translates into how I'm going to be able to communicate with my own kids eventually. So there is like a level of like balancing how many hours you spend on the clock versus how many you spend at home. But for me it's a matter of how many hours outside of your job, in your real world, are you learning something that you can take into the job? And the exact same is true for the reverse how much are you picking up from your job that you can bring into reality?

Speaker 5: 28:01

When I was working as a deli clerk, I knew almost nothing about like slicing meat, holding times for food or anything like that, and then even Taco Bell. I learned how to fold tacos and stuff. Now, like Taco Tuesday is one of my favorite things to do when I have the supplies for it. Making sandwiches is like whole geese and stuff. It's one of my favorite things to do because I spent hours of my day doing it at a job.

Speaker 3: 28:25

So I integrated that into my life and carried it, yeah, yeah, I mean. So that's definitely like work skills are. Like you should take every experience to try to learn something. So that's work. That's you know. Life, whatever it is, so that's you know that's a thing that will happen. That's using the job to your advantage.

Speaker 3: 28:43

Like I still fucking make pizza better than most people we make at home pizza, because I worked at Little Caesars. I have like real estate knowledge and fucking baking knowledge, and like I have a bunch of folks from different jobs and I've had different things that I was able to pull into my own life and the career and things that I'm working on. So like being able to speak, doing this, like some of the jobs that I've had, I've had to do shit like this to where, like now, I took that skill over. So it's, yes, take use the job for your advantage, but I still agree with not giving them too much because, like with like to have a girl, the lady, like I feel like when people do stuff like that, they also don't have a life at home anyway, like unless, unless you do and you have like a kid or something, or even just one.

Speaker 1: 29:30

I think the boundary issue though drawing yeah, yeah, so like a work life, boundary issue, not just like imbalance. It's definitely a boundary. She's not letting them. She's not able to have the life she probably wants at home because she does not know how to say no to her job, and now it's probably been so long that she's been doing it. Now they expect it and now she just don't want to let them down. Probably too, girl, fuck these jobs.

Speaker 5: 30:03

I mean, there's also situations.

Speaker 4: 30:04

Yeah, that's someone that I think that just doesn't have a good life balance. They don't have like a good balance in. Just to push back on a little bit on what Kadelle said, I don't, because my job description isn't specifically done in sign language, so the skill that I learned I do see a deaf person in my daily life. I would definitely use my sign language skills to communicate with them. My actual description is, like you know, planning activities and doing different things like that, and part of it is like I will leave it there, you know.

Speaker 4: 30:35

but if I have to see someone who's deaf in my actual life, then I would definitely use the skill that I learned in order to help them in my everyday life. They aren't deaf, so sometimes I have to learn how to cut it off, because it does come home with me. I come home signing or doing things. I'm like, oh snap, I gotta learn how to cut this off, at least to certain people. But you know that's more so with it. So I don't disagree with what you said, but it's more so of, like you know, making sure that when I come home that I'm not worried about work, I'm not worried about what I got to plan or whose birthday is tomorrow. You know it's making sure that I focus on. I spend the four hours working on my passions and my craft or different things like that.

Speaker 5: 31:16

Yeah, I know it's not like that's not the main thing that you do, but like the choice to do that in your personal life led to you improving the quality of your work life. The quality of your work life then feeds back into you because now, through the hours of interacting with deaf people in their own language, you are more improved at it. So when you take it, it's like a give and take. You give a couple of hours, you take away a new skill, then you give hours to your job and then you take home the experience of practicing that skill in a real environment.

Speaker 5: 31:43

And it's like that too, but I was also going to say, like we have kids where school is their favorite place to be. Like that doesn't sound like a common thing, but there are kids who hate going home. One of the kids that I had worked with before he didn't want to get on the bus at the end of the day, he wanted to stay at the school because who knows what hell, he's going home to right.

Speaker 5: 32:04

So a lot of people their life is the same type of way. Some, like women, who are stuck in like abuse situations. They might find solace in the fact that they spent 16 hours a day working at their job and while I hate that, it's what they have to do to feel more comfortable. It is where they may be more comfortable, at least at that stage of their life.

Speaker 3: 32:23

Some people like it was extreme too.

Speaker 5: 32:26

Yeah, even with the funeral for their mom it might not be like they might not have the closest relationship of a mother and daughter that you would expect. So she might pop up for the funeral of the viewing, say her respects and then like I'm not going to hold on to this, I'm just going to get back to like what I do. This is like my life so like I have no idea what her relationship was like. But that can all inform how you respond to like the work life balance stuff. If it's having negative impacts, you definitely got to work on it. But I think if you don't find any negative impacts, you can give yourself as much as you need to to anything.

Speaker 1: 33:00

So like a good indicator would be like the If it's benefiting you out, burning you out. Is that like a good indicator of a good work life balance? Do you think?

Speaker 5: 33:08

Yeah, if I work too much, I literally end up no-call no-showing. Any job that I've ever quit has been a no-call no-show, because I push myself to go every single day, not miss a day, don't get sick, show up on time, and then my body is like ha ha, decayed and I don't get to call out. I just sleep through my alarms, I wake up at 10.45,.

Speaker 5: 33:29

I see the phone rang because they tried to call to see where I was at. Don't bother to call them back Next day. I feel bad about not showing up, so I don't show up again. And then it just continues.

Speaker 3: 33:38

I guess I don't work anymore yeah. I think.

Speaker 4: 33:42

I've done that five times Exactly, and I remember working with people who like used to brag about not using their sick days or PTO time and I'm like that's nothing to brag about, because we're out of to you to be able to work on your mental health and so you know when you're actually sick like to actually take time off.

Speaker 4: 34:02

So when people because at one of my old jobs if you didn't use your PTO time like they did this thing, like you didn't call out for six months, they would give you like money. So some people or if you didn't call out for a year, they give you more money. So some people were literally like killing us up to go to work just to get that little bit of money, whereas you can get a paid day off like they didn't realize that you're gonna be paid to be off and do what you want.

Speaker 4: 34:24

And that is doing something that you love, whether it's some leisure time to go get your nails done, go get a massage, so work on your passion, your craft. Like people literally was bragging about, I never, I never call out, I never do this, whereas me I take perfect advantage of doing it. I actually plan my call outs around things that I either want to do, like whether it's my birthday, I'm not gonna work on my birthday. If it's like a trip or vacation, like I'm gonna use that time Because that's me creating a perfect work life balance. And some people feel victim to like, oh, I don't want to call out because the staff need me, they will figure it out. I don't give a damn what's happening when I'm not there, y'all will figure it out. And if y'all don't figure it out, y'all need to figure it out because I'm not gonna again exactly and I'm just an employee like it's like, this is my business. If it's your business, it's a difference.

Speaker 1: 35:16

The other place may burn down. I just had the experience where so a lot of people I didn't tell them about it's by last time I think I talked to you. I changed my job positions. At my job I used to be an HR, so now I'm doing lead fulfillment work for the warehouse. So now I'm out of corporate and I work for a warehouse. Now my boss is actually the general manager instead of the corporate figurehead you. But so pretty much like my department was leaning on me to the point where I was. It felt so much pressure so I wasn't calling out. And Then to the point where I just got burned out and I All that work. I didn't, I just was done. I was literally done. I couldn't care. I think the most emotion I could show, a sarcasm. All I have to say is like I Lesson the department and I won't lie like five people just got fired within a month and a half because they just figured out that One person was doing the work. But guess what? Work, life balance taught me that I'm happy.

Speaker 4: 36:18

You.

Speaker 3: 36:23

Even with time off, like I'm not, so I don't use it consistently, but only because I like to grab a big span of time. Fuck y'all so like how I'll go consistently and you know, do my every day on time on a shit.

Speaker 1: 36:37

Oh, I Get mad at people like you, troy.

Speaker 3: 36:42

I'm about to go, I'll be out and I'm gonna show. I picked my time around weekends. It's just oh. I got eight days. Eight days worth, nine days worth. Let me grab all that. Put this on a weekend. See motherfuckers in 12 days, like you know, like I'm.

Speaker 3: 36:54

That's how I've always been like and I got that from my mom because I do. She see her doing that shit Younger, like she didn't really take time off and I was. I looked at it like, but like what she did, it was like a chunk of a chunk at a time, you know, say, because she had it saved up. So with that part, I think that actually helps work life balance a little bit. But I just really think ultimately you have to have something outside of fucking work that you like. All right, you know, I'm saying like that's what I mean about some people like some people like when COVID hit and working from home was a thing I felt I love it working from home. I don't, I don't want to. Oh, I'm great, this was I should have, this should have been the only option forever. But like.

Speaker 3: 37:36

I learned a lot of people was like, oh, I just can't wait to get the office, I just want to be like you. I didn't understand and then, like you know, can tell your mission. You know, like not everybody's situation is severe. I asked severe, you know some people it is abuse. Some people honestly don't like their families, people don't like the roommates to be with that they live with. Some people don't live with anybody and they can't handle that. I love this. So it's like a lot of different reasons. I just think you have to have something outside of life to want to go to. If you don't, the work is like the only thing you look forward to. That is true.

Speaker 3: 38:08

Well, we go on because that is sad as hell.

Speaker 1: 38:13

Um, I used to be that way. I used to love work just because I had no good family life.

Speaker 5: 38:17

Can I take a one more point on that before we move forward, because I was like, like it starts with school, like do you remember perfect attendance.

Speaker 3: 38:26

Yes, yep. Now combine perfect attendance with.

Speaker 5: 38:30

If you are not perfect enough, not only are you gonna have a bad reputation with your job, for missing days often, but if you're an hourly worker, you are now missing bills too.

Speaker 1: 38:40

Yeah, you got that right.

Speaker 5: 38:42

So you got to juggle that at the same time.

Speaker 1: 38:47

You are absolutely right, because I definitely was in person attendance. I literally I didn't go to school. 1910th grade I still pass somehow and I joined y'all in 11th grade.

Speaker 3: 38:59

But see my skipping like what a fucking nice grade, what Alright, next to this, my Relationships right alright.

Speaker 1: 39:06

This scenario involves a person was an intoxication with a partner, friend, family member or when they experienced manipulation, constant criticism or emotional neglect. When someone finds themselves in a toxic relationship that drains their energy and affects their self-esteem, what set would you recommend they take to protect their mental health and peace of mind? I can, suck it, speak about a scenario that I just recently went through.

Speaker 1: 39:32

I remember it had this person in my life that I didn't really like, like that. We just we just cool, we just friends. But I can see they were getting more and more and attractive and what they will do is if I'm around other people, with them, they will pit me down in front of all these other people, or they'll be constantly Criticizing me or try like I guess, like pick at me with little stuff, but they're so nice to me and private, but what other people? They're just being some type of way. And if I didn't do what they wanted to do, let's say they're like oh why do you hang out with that person? That person's not really caring for you, or it was how, like to isolate me so I can spend more time with them. I.

Speaker 3: 40:14

Cut them off. Simple answer. Next topic. Fuck.

Speaker 3: 40:22

Goodbye. Literally that, then they need to think they don't have shit to do with me, that they don't understand themselves. Go work on that shit and come back. When you take two of these and call me in the morning like you. People have this weird thing of what to possess other people sometimes, and it's like that's somebody that wants to own you and Watch you to then don't look at you as a person. It's, here's a thing. You need to react how I want to react. You need to do what I want me to do.

Speaker 4: 40:53

So, troy, you, you, you've never been possessive or overprotective of a friend like you've never like. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 41:09

I'm the only best friend you got, like you know like, but jokingly, because I'm not. I Understand where humans are gonna make friends other places. A jealousy is a normal emotion. This is how you, how your jealousy, comes off. You need to handle that yourself. It's not for somebody else to deal with it. So it's like yeah, I have that. I literally if I see one of my friends be talking to somebody, so I don't know that. Y'all look real happy over here motherfucker.

Speaker 3: 41:34

But I'm joking, like you know. I'm saying I'm not about to literally be like no, don't talk to them, or like hey.

Speaker 4: 41:40

It's like that. That used to be me I.

Speaker 3: 41:43

I used to have that I don't mean it, like I'm sorry I'm lagging over. No, no, no, you get. I just I just meant like I don't mean it in a Giggingly like who the fuck is this way? It's just like. You know, I've always been like that with some of my friends. Like damn why. I guess, I guess you can have friends like you know, just Playfully, you know, but I'm never gonna treat them different as my point like so what people do shit?

Speaker 4: 42:06

I do want to say I was like the same similar situation. Yeah, I was in the same similar situation as Jamar, where I had a friend who would you know and I want to preface this right because I don't want to say like you know, like it was obsessive, but this was my best friend. So sometimes we have a best friend, you put those, you put them above your other friends. That's the reason why this person is your best friend. So there were times where this best friend did have my best interest at heart and actually did give good advice and actually did advise me to stay away from people who wasn't good for me. But then they also use my loyalty by default to their advantage. So for me, it was situations where, as you know, I would, you know, this person could ask me for any amount of money and it'd be cool, like, oh, I got you, you know, no need to ask, or whatever. So it got to the point where I was basically being used to you know, help, do things with other people. I ain't gonna say that name, but you know some of these people, jamar. So what I'm gonna say is like in those situations, I had actually found out through the grapevine that, like you, jamar, this person was, you know, saying negative things about me and even went beyond me, was saying negative things about, like my family, or if we all had you know mess with a girl, whatever, and I started to fuck with her. You know more, more so, like on a one-on-one level. Then they will go back to those people like, yeah, because you know he fucking was such and such now and everything, and I'm like, damn, but you, my best friend, like, regardless of if you feel aware about it, why are you telling other people who are your friends about you know situations that I'm in and everything? Or it gets to the point where you're talking about shit that I invented to you about and then when I confront you on this shit, it's more so like, oh, I'm crazy. Or you know I'm bringing up old shit. So that's that gaslight and shit that people would like put you through because they make you feel like you don't have the right to address them on their bullshit.

Speaker 4: 43:55

So I know, for me, that's how I used to be. I can't in the present, I really am not territorial with friends, no more, because I really don't care to have a big group of friends anymore If you're not bringing any benefit to my life, if you're not an asset to my life and your more liability, I really don't want you around, to be honest. So for me I find comfort in being a little bit I don't want to say alone. But you know, being by myself like I've become my own best friend nowadays and for me to accept you into my life and my personal space, I got to really rock with you. I gave up on being friends with people because we was friends since we was kids, like that default by loyalty shit. I had to let that go because it was doing more damage to me and more great for me, exactly, yeah.

Speaker 4: 44:42

And then you find yourself making excuses for these people. You make excuses for them because this been my homie since I was a kid or whatever. And then what you said, jamorra, about relationships, I remember a long time ago not to put your business out there, but I remember a long time ago. I remember you and your wife had came to my crib with me and my thin girlfriend at the time, and I remember we were just talking about the whole one of those scheming marketing companies that we were a part of both a part of. And I remember her, when I met with you and your wife, she was upset that I told her to go in the room because it was a meeting that mean you was having, and your wife at the time, and I'm like, why are you upset about me telling you to go in the room? Because you had no interest in this thing. You don't even know these people, so why am?

Speaker 1: 45:24

I. I wasn't actually married.

Speaker 4: 45:25

I had a lot of conversation that you said that with me.

Speaker 1: 45:29

Ask the courthouse. I don't think that really happened. All right.

Speaker 5: 45:38

I see that a lot In the workplace. You would think schools would be void of this kind of behavior, but I've noticed I've tried to get friendly with pretty much everybody that I meet out in the world. If I'm working somewhere I'll try to be super cool with anybody. So if they have something going on outside the job, they have somebody at the job they can talk to about stuff. But, like y'all said, people will take shit and then just kind of run behind your back with it and talk all this shit in the world.

Speaker 5: 46:04

So there was a point where I just didn't go and do it because I was late on my rent, late on my electric, late on my fucking internet, had no food in the crib at the time, all that stuff all together. And then I went to work and it was like on my face. I wanted to call out that day, but if I call out I have even less money to catch up. So I show up and I'm like doing my job, working with the kid I'm working with. But they're like pastoring me, like oh, come on, can tell us this, tell us this, like what's going on? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 5: 46:30

And then, like two or three days later, of course, I say nothing. I'm like I'm chill, I'm cool, I'm not trying to talk about this at all, I'm just not comfortable with that. And then, two or three days later, like they started snapping about other stuff related to the job and it showed me like immediately, like this was just about each other that they were snapping. Now imagine if I came here to y'all and bled my heart out to y'all and then you start talking shit about me to everybody else in the situation and you have to carry that same energy anywhere where it's like there are people who genuinely want to be in your corner to support you and be there for you, but there are also those people who are going to be like.

Speaker 5: 47:06

this is why this person isn't suitable to be in the spot they're in to other people.

Speaker 5: 47:13

So they put you in a position where it's like you are now the step that they're using to climb up to the next level because they look good for reporting you or whatever reporting that you're slacking on the job. They're not up to par, and that applies anywhere else. If I'm talking shit to Troy about Jamar, then it's going to anybody who is a mutual friend of me and Troy is going to be like oh, these two are like they have a united front against him, and then they're going to think less of you because we both have a problem with you. So you do have to be careful.

Speaker 3: 47:44

It comes out of discernment, when people have to learn how to be able to discern. I mean, unfortunately, there's only so much of a person's character you can discern before it's a bullshit happen. But very often we get sides of bullshit people. We just don't pay attention to it. Honestly, it's paying attention to how people treat other people too. You can see that, like if they fucking went and talked shit and lied on this person, why wouldn't they do that to you? Like paying attention to people's characters and really being able to discern if they're the kind of person that you want to share with who.

Speaker 5: 48:18

Because I'm a special snowflake and they love me.

Speaker 3: 48:22

But I mean like I'm so like for me, like I'm not to glow at anything, but like I have the kind of energy that people just love to talk to me. So I've always just been like I have always been able to make friends just kind of really easily. I can fucking have the angriest face on with head.

Speaker 4: 48:36

But do you love to take in all? Of those people's emotions and all of their trauma. Do you love like? I love to talk to you but do you love? Being that person to run to all the time.

Speaker 3: 48:47

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5: 48:48

I'm in the same boat. I love that stuff.

Speaker 3: 48:50

I actually don't like it all the time. It helps me learn people. I got a social background.

Speaker 1: 48:54

I don't want to hit it all the time. So many people yeah me too.

Speaker 3: 48:57

I take my time.

Speaker 1: 49:02

If I was like I don't know how y'all do it, but when people throw all that emotion and they talk to me all day or I'm just so drained I can't even focus on doing what I need to do. You know what I mean? Because, like, honestly, it's kind of like the Native American things. They didn't have any Native Americans that could apparently stutter until they learned the word stutter. They didn't have a neural capillary. So all this, you know, like bad stuff, like venting over and over again I understand once or twice, but like you're not doing nothing about it. That's when it gets really really, really toxic in my life and I get tired from hearing it. I don't know.

Speaker 3: 49:37

So that's so. That's what I mean. So it's about the service, and then sometimes you're enabling the person by continuing to just, you know, like, listen to it.

Speaker 4: 49:45

and you know, like Jamar said, you like I will listen to you the first time, maybe even the second time, but I'm real big on solutions, because I don't know how much of that that I could take, because I used to have the tendency to take on other people's problems like they were my problems and now I've realized that that wasn't healthy. Your problems don't have to be my problems. You know I can empathize with you and I can understand where you're coming from. But my goal, or what I want to do as a friend now, is to be able to help you get out of that with a solution. And if I give you a solution and you still come back with the same problem, I need you to find a different friend in that friend group to talk to, because I'm no longer that person, because I've been that person so much and it really got me nowhere. So I could be that person, but only for a limited time.

Speaker 1: 50:27

Yeah or we can be on a podcast and I could capitalize off your problems.

Speaker 3: 50:31

There's that no. I see that like for me, there's a stark difference.

Speaker 5: 50:35

If somebody, if I I'm like waking up at seven o'clock in the morning, I look at my DMs and I just see this, I'm going to be like fuck bro, what is this shit?

Speaker 5: 50:45

But if I see a message that says, hey, I'm going through it right now, can I talk to you? I'm going to answer that every single time and I'm going to listen every single time. I don't care if you're looking for solutions, I don't care if you're looking for somebody to vent to. The fact that you were to reach out to me and ask my permission and like my consent to really dive into your shit before you just dump. It is completely different. I helped a couple of friends resolve a situation between them, not even like three weeks ago, and then I was excited about it because it opened a lot of doors for those two to be able to like perform together and work together, do whatever, but we'll call our friend numbered two.

Speaker 5: 51:23

This person continues to like message me about the situation over and over and over again and I'm like, not only are you pushing buttons by trying to dig more out of that than you should be, you're also now just dumping the shit on me Instead of saying hey, can we chat? If you hit me with a hey, can we chat, I'm open 150% of the time. I'll never decline that unless I'm doing something or busy. But I'm always willing to take on the energy If you show not only that you're willing to resolve it, because I'm not too worried about, like the resolution. I understand people want to vent a lot, but if you are willing to make sure I'm okay with it first, that's the biggest thing for me.

Speaker 3: 52:02

You said a good part real quickly to take it on. That's what I was kind of going to say. I'm like, whether I listen to it or not, especially if it's somebody that is like I'm wicked. I'm going to pretty much always answer unless I'm doing something, but I don't always have to take it on. That's the difference, Cause some people just need to speak, I don't have. If you didn't say some bullshit, I already said my piece. I'm not going to say that's a different. Go ahead and talk. I'm going to keep doing what the fuck I'm doing? But you need somebody to talk to and vent out. Go right ahead. Let me roll this blunt. Let me keep working on these graphics. Let me keep doing the fuck, cause I'm not going to take that on. But you need somebody to talk to you. You need somebody to get that out Like it's being able to discern when to take it on and when not to like we, or at least myself.

Speaker 3: 52:45

I'm in that place before, yeah, but like in my first, so like for me specifically, and I think, a lot of um and perhaps maybe have a little bit of this, but like, I feel like I maybe in another life or one day, when I'm like 50, 60, would be an amazing therapist Um, cause I listen with a lot of bias but a lot of understanding and emotional understanding. So it's like that's why I do this. That's why I let people come to talk to me, because it also helps me see where we're the same versus where we're different. So it helps me that one conversation helps me understand multiple people at the same time. The more of those conversations I have, the more I have a better understanding of us.

Speaker 3: 53:24

It's like I have a time I'm not sitting and so fucking different it's. We just make shit different and we make it harder and we make it like nobody's ever been through this and there's no way somebody will understand. But it's like that's not a 10. It's like that's not a 10. We've all been through and felt the same fucking shit. You're not feeling some brand new human emotion that just birthed itself and you are like none of that. So it's just I don't know knowing when to genuinely dive into the conversation and knowing when to be like. All right, this is what I'm going to say Somebody to talk to. I also know it was just not answering the fucking phone because some people are on some bullshit.

Speaker 1: 53:58

That's a real thing too.

Speaker 3: 53:59

I've been looking at my phone like this If there's somebody that she ain't fucking with, then you can talk to.

Speaker 5: 54:05

I think it stands to be like a different kind of thing, though. Have you all ever seen the way you should handle kids celebrating that they can jump? It's not to be like oh yeah, cool, Anybody can do that. Yeah, anybody can jump.

Speaker 5: 54:19

But for the kid, this is their first time ever being able to get both of their feet to leave the ground at once. It's their first time being able to run or climb a tree or ride a bike in their life the very first time they ever experienced that. So I kind of look at everything through that same lens. Somebody is excited about something, they're beaten up about something, they're depressed about something.

Speaker 5: 54:38

Sure it is like a super common human problem and a common human emotion as well. But it could very well be the first time the person experienced that thing for themselves, so it has a much different translation when you look at it that way.

Speaker 4: 54:52

I'm also a bit afraid that it's possible at times.

Speaker 3: 54:55

I think it's also a thing out there.

Speaker 4: 55:00

It's a thing out there that's called trauma bonding. What people do A lot of people trauma bond and I was real big or real heavy on trauma bonding and where I'm at now I want to heal bond with you. So my thing is again, and first couple times I don't want to listen to you. But if it's a repetitive situation, then I want to help you get to a place of healing from that trauma. Because when you trauma bond with some people, you sometimes justify what they're going through. You kind of make excuses for them, and sometimes they're not even telling you the full story. They're telling you their side of the story, which, again, listening is very important. But I feel like if they're calling you, they're calling you. I feel like not just for you to listen, but they also want to hear you say something as well. Sometimes they want you to just gas them up, and some people really do want to hear ways to work on that, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4: 55:48

But then some people really, really want to come up with a solution for their problems. So for me again, trauma bonding is a real thing that people do and unless we come in with healing, I already prefer to heal bond with you as opposed to trauma bond.

Speaker 1: 56:01

I see what you're saying. You know what big lesson I learned to is don't let someone just dump information on you because you just want to listen. You can't always listen, because what happens is if you just sit there and listen, they think you agree. And what pitfalls I had with friendships lately has been someone would talk to me, say all this stuff, and I ignore it. And then they'll just talk to someone else about what we talked about, which I don't remember the conversation in the first place, and they'll get mad and say Jamar agrees with this too.

Speaker 1: 56:38

I mean you do have to be careful about it.

Speaker 5: 56:41

I mean, like I've literally had relationships with people who are like this, where it's like somebody will come to talk shit, hell of shit, and then, instead of being like, do you think you're interpreting this the right way? Do you think they meant it when they said this? Do you think blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, checking them on everything is important? You can't. If you're going to be lazy about it, I would advise you to tell them to go somewhere else. But, like, you do have to commit to it as well. That's why I like when people say like, hey, can I talk to you about this? Because if you do that, I can prepare myself to be that person.

Speaker 5: 57:11

I'm never going to be the person to just be like, oh yeah, they shouldn't have done that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because that's corny to me. You don't know. Like Jameer said, you never get the whole story from one person. It doesn't happen that way. So for me, I'm like come with receipts, show me exactly what it is. The problem is you're having oh, you only show me like that set of like phone calls between the two of you. I don't want to see that. I want to see what you were saying to. I want to see like what it was that you wanted to communicate to them and whether or not you were communicating accurately and honestly as well, because you could have fucked up when you were telling them that I don't know. They left the pickle jar open all night.

Speaker 5: 57:51

Maybe you went to bed before they like you never know, like what is actually going on until you start checking them and making sure that they're being consistent in their own thoughts too.

Speaker 1: 58:02

Exactly, exactly. Let's move on to the last one. I will. I did have one about environment, but I just don't want to get into an environment episode of the day, man.

Speaker 5: 58:14

The environment to stretch you out. I mean, I have a little bit more time. I had a little more time than I thought I did.

Speaker 1: 58:21

All right bet, let's do the financial stress one. Financial stress due to student loans, job instability or high cost living damn all are which affects their mental health and future planning. Me Question Financial stress is a significant concern for many of millennials today. What practical tips and mindset shifts would you suggest for someone navigating financial uncertainty to maintain their peace of mind? I got.

Speaker 1: 58:55

Let me go a little bit first on this one. For me, my mindset shift was this I kept, I kept being in I need the same mode instead of I need to make more money mode, and it creates like just having an uncertainty of knowing, like what expenses would happen and just being on a defense all the time stresses me out. But if I'm more courageous, if I'm more brave with my finances, if I'm investing, if I'm flipping money, if I just like advocate my skills more, I found better success. That's why I started doing festivals, that's why I'm in school at this moment, that's why every time my job picks up a position for promotion or higher rate, I go for it. And what I do mentally, I always work with the budget I started the job with, for instance, the job I started I was at $15 an hour. I'm currently at about 26 hour, plus shift of differentials, right? So in my mind I'm budgeting like I only make $15 an hour.

Speaker 3: 1:00:01

Well, that's good, that's smart.

Speaker 4: 1:00:02

That's smart. I would say definitely.

Speaker 3: 1:00:07

My biggest thing that I've gotten and I've learned really is not to say you know, do anything illegal or anything but multiple streams of income, multiple streams of income, is really important and, more so, developing a skill that you can do that can be paid for.

Speaker 3: 1:00:26

You know what I'm saying. Like for me, I have graphic design, photography. Like I've done all these things for like 10 years, so it's like I'm able to. I haven't been able to fully consistently stick with it. You know what I'm saying Because of other shit, the different things that I do in regular jobs, but it's still another stream of income that I can get. You know, here and there I got my books at Seal Sales. I get like random Amazon checks, you know it's like it's having multiple streams in a way that there's money being made for you that you don't have to. You know what I'm saying. It's just being made to the side without you really having to work for it for real. You know what I'm saying Passive income.

Speaker 3: 1:01:01

Photography and the books. Yeah, pass it. There we go. I couldn't think of a word. Passive income. Why is my brain blood? Anyway, no, because I was about to ask.

Speaker 5: 1:01:13

So I'm in the exact opposite position at Jamar, where you said you're in the position where you need to stop worrying about making more money and saving more. I found, like, even after like minimizing my budget, working 32 hours at the wage that I'm making with my main job.

Speaker 5: 1:01:27

by itself, it's not enough to cover all of my bills by itself. I made sure to get like medical care. I made sure to get like there's a pre-tax thing you can do where some of your paycheck will go toward, like, your commute expenses and instead of spending actual cash that's taxed on, like transit, you would get that money taken out of your check in advance and put into a separate account.

Speaker 5: 1:01:50

But, even doing all that, it wasn't enough to cover all the bills and then also provide me with a cushion to save. So my position was very literally you have to make more money, get a second job and you'll be fine. And I was dreading doing that because I hate working like one job, generally speaking, just because I like having the choice of what to do in my time. But I also had to get to the point where I'd say, okay, I'm going to keep the apartment, I want to keep the lights on, I want to keep fucking streaming, playing games, all that. So I have to bite the bullet and work another job. So, generally, when it comes to like looking at finances for people, not that I look at anybody else's.

Speaker 5: 1:02:27

but you have to be like you said be courageous, be brave and be willing to like do what you have to do in order to get out of the position you're in and then also stay optimistic enough to recognize like poverty is, it's difficult to escape, but it's not forever.

Speaker 5: 1:02:43

Unless you allow it to be my biggest piece of financial advice. There are so many platforms you can use to get a free consultation with somebody. Do it Like there is no reason not to. I actually have one coming up like next week on like Monday or Tuesday, where I'm going to be doing a consultation to figure out exactly how I can benefit most from having two jobs figure out how to get out of debt as quickly as possible and how to start saving for a car again. I know after I get a car again, I'm going to cut like three hours off of my commute every day, so I'm only going to have to drive to one job, which is going to be 10 to 15 minutes depending on traffic, and then driving to my second job from there. That's another 20, versus like spending four hours both ways, taking like buses and stuff.

Speaker 5: 1:03:26

That's going to open up weekends for me that's going to allow me to go out to shows again. So find like a finance coach, find a free consultation and at the very least, get yourself on a budget. A budget does not mean you're not spending money. It means you're planning what to do with your money and that lets you use it properly, instead of just like, well, I have this much money which means I can spend this much. Then the first rolls around and you're like she. I want to explain that.

Speaker 5: 1:03:55

You have to know what you're going into, and having someone who knows a little better than you is not something to be ashamed of.

Speaker 1: 1:04:01

Yeah, any little some techniques man.

Speaker 4: 1:04:04

I do agree with that. Yeah, I agree with that. And, like, when it comes to financial stress, it's so. For me it's more so about, you know, understanding, like, where the financial stress is coming from and cutting unnecessary spending out. So sometimes some things that you feel like you want can be unnecessary, but for me, I love to go get, like a monthly massage, but then when I you know it couldn't fit in my budget, no more, you know. So it was something where I had to let go, whereas what I did do was I went back to the spot to work there for the part time so that I can get a discount on the massage, because it was something that I felt like was necessary for me, for my mental health. But it was an unnecessary expense. It came after my rent, it came after transportation to work, it came after food and you know different things like that. So I came up with a solution to like okay, well, I still want to have this, but let me figure out how I can do this. So, you know, having a good relationship with that job, I was able to go back and now I can get my discounted on massage.

Speaker 4: 1:05:09

For me also, when you own work, two jobs. It's about learning how to treat the other job, like like the paycheck you get from one job. Just try to put the weight and save it. You know, of course you may fall short, you may have to spend some money from it every now and then, but just try to treat that job as if like that's just strictly for saving, because sometimes a lot of us would get like a lot of money and see that okay, I got more, I can do this, I can do XYZ, and then you're wondering why you're not saving in the first place. You know.

Speaker 4: 1:05:36

So I try to treat my part time job as saving money and my main job as the job where I got to take care of my responsibilities, take care of my you know myself, my bills, food, whatever. So I feel like, when it comes to financial stress, that's something that a lot of us is going to go through in today's time because of inflation, because of the how high everything is nowadays, like you literally are going to be financially stressed unless you are someone who has multiple, multiple streams of income. So I feel like learning how to have a healthy coping with it, because one of my things I used to do in this no judgment. I used to like oh, I got a smoke weed, but smoking weed was another expense. So I'm like okay, well, I'm not having money, but now I'm spending more money to you know to have this.

Speaker 4: 1:06:25

Don't get me wrong yet. And don't get me wrong because I was a chimney. I was a heavy weed smoker. I, literally at the beginning of this year, stopped smoking and I realized how much money I saved because I made weed a priority. I made me buying weed a priority over other things. Sometimes I would buy weed and I knew then what that I was short of my rent, you know. So I had to make sure that I was responsibly on a budget in certain things and I had to cut out some things that may be deemed unnecessary. So for me it was making sure that I handled my. Was it my responsibilities before the things that I had to handle my need, my wants before my needs, or is it the other way around, my needs?

Speaker 1: 1:07:03

before I was we got what I can tell you about weed, so you don't need Make it hard to get to any of these apps that you buy stuff on.

Speaker 3: 1:07:16

What you just buying, Because I saw that face you made when you was opening up. I'm like what the fuck is that face?

Speaker 1: 1:07:22

I just bought these lights, man.

Speaker 3: 1:07:26

You just don't need them.

Speaker 1: 1:07:28

I had to put my laptop there. Okay, you're good, you're good, all right.

Speaker 4: 1:07:32

No, I'm a thrill.

Speaker 3: 1:07:33

Okay, I got to hop on out, so I got another show to record and shit, right, quick, double Deppin Was there a question.

Speaker 1: 1:07:46

The question was that was it. That was the last question. Yeah, be honest about financial stress. Any other questions for me in this? Any other statements?

Speaker 5: 1:07:56

No, not really.

Speaker 3: 1:07:58

Deal with your bullshit. Give us what's in the income. Find some talent. My main thing Get balanced. We got, that's it All right.

Speaker 4: 1:08:09

My main thing is, like I said before, just make sure you have a healthy coping mechanism. When you're going through stressful situations, when you're trying to figure out how to cope or you know you're stressed out, just find a healthy coping mechanism to deal with it, because we don't live in a perfect world. We're going to be stressed, we're going to go through things, so just find out a way to handle it in a healthy way, that way that you're not, you know, doing something unhealthy to deal with it or you're not killing yourself to deal with it. So healthy coping mechanism is the one thing I would say.

Speaker 1: 1:08:39

All right, can do.

Speaker 5: 1:08:42

I agree with a lot of that. It's like when people say knowing is half the battle that applies to everything Know your friends, know your colleagues.

Speaker 5: 1:08:53

If you don't know your future and it seems uncertain, look at somebody who is doing the things that you want to do and like model, not like. You don't have to live their life. You don't have to compare yourself to them. Let's see what you can take from them that will benefit you and where they've made pitfalls, so you don't have to make the same mistakes just to learn the same lesson that they could teach you.

Speaker 5: 1:09:16

A lot of it really runs along that same line. If you want to live a life peacefully, if you want to live a life where you're comfortable, you're not always stressing and not to say I'm somebody who's out of that, I live in that, I live in that but I also have the benefit of knowing that it's not going to last forever it's not going to last much longer. Actually, A lot of my situations are going to change in a very, very short timeframe, whether that's four to six months. They're also standard 20 things.

Speaker 5: 1:09:42

I'm going to fight you about this, but between four to six months. Yeah, it is standard 20 shit. Four to six months is a lot of time to completely change stuff. Four to six months from now, I'm probably going to be in a much better position to have a car when I was thinking, damn, I'm never going to have one again. So always stay in the mind frame of things are going to improve, but not unless I do something about it.

Speaker 5: 1:10:07

Again that's relationships, colleagues, your work, your work ethic for that matter, the things that you do for your hobbies, the things you enjoy and love. You don't get good at anything until you practice it and you refuse to give up on it.

Speaker 3: 1:10:21

Exactly like this book on Amazon now.

Speaker 5: 1:10:24

Real quick.

Speaker 3: 1:10:26

I was just saying to pour it to people who pour it to you, because we did all of some shit, motherfucker taking too much. Now, fuck all that. If you can tell what somebody a parted to you, pour it to people who pour it to you. That way you keep yourself in some sense filled, you know. Yeah, that's it for real. Skitter Diaries on Amazon now.

Speaker 5: 1:10:47

How to really head in by the background.

Speaker 1: 1:10:51

You remember you went already right. All right y'all. Thank you guys for listening, thank you guys for watching it. Feed my financially good. Don't buy pleasure stuff from Amazon. Keep your circle tight. Just remember. Life ain't perfect. Be careful what you watch on social media and don't compare yourself to anyone else because you're special. With that being said, have a good day, peace, peace.