Strap in, as we strip back the complexities of how the intricate layers of our life experiences can push some men to the edge of despair, to the point of contemplating suicide. We're sharing a raw, unfiltered conversation that grapples with the challenging topic of men's suicide and its triggering factors. We'll journey from the harsh realities of PTSD prevalent among veterans, the fear and stress of life in high-risk environments, through to the silent battles of those suffering from chronic illnesses and body image issues, and the unspoken mental torment resulting from financial pressure.
Expect a frank discourse on the impact of colorism within the black community, and the often-overlooked mental health stigma it perpetuates. As the conversation unfolds, we'll share personal stories of navigating unemployment post-service, the toll of living in constant fear, and the silent emotional outbursts stemming from financial stress. With each story, we aim to shed light, spark understanding, and inspire empathy.
Join us as we collectively unravel these complex issues in a thought-provoking and enlightening conversation. In the closing chapters, we touch on the importance of supportive friendships, the role of therapy, and the power of personal boundaries and healthy habits in managing mental health. We're not just talking; we're listening, learning, and hopefully, making a difference in the lives of those silently battling their demons. Step into our space, lend us your ears, and let's start to understand together.
Support the Medium Ghetto Movement
Funds allow us to consistently create great content.
We also have a vision of "Medium Ghetto Game Nights" in a city near you.
Message of us for topics and possible guest appearance.
Follow us on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/mediumghettopodcast/
Sponsor
Lost in The Sauce Hot Sauce Company
https://www.instagram.com/lostinthesauce_llc/
https://lostinthesauce.store/
Co-Host IG
Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
Strap in, as we strip back the complexities of how the intricate layers of our life experiences can push some men to the edge of despair, to the point of contemplating suicide. We're sharing a raw, unfiltered conversation that grapples with the challenging topic of men's suicide and its triggering factors. We'll journey from the harsh realities of PTSD prevalent among veterans, the fear and stress of life in high-risk environments, through to the silent battles of those suffering from chronic illnesses and body image issues, and the unspoken mental torment resulting from financial pressure.
Expect a frank discourse on the impact of colorism within the black community, and the often-overlooked mental health stigma it perpetuates. As the conversation unfolds, we'll share personal stories of navigating unemployment post-service, the toll of living in constant fear, and the silent emotional outbursts stemming from financial stress. With each story, we aim to shed light, spark understanding, and inspire empathy.
Join us as we collectively unravel these complex issues in a thought-provoking and enlightening conversation. In the closing chapters, we touch on the importance of supportive friendships, the role of therapy, and the power of personal boundaries and healthy habits in managing mental health. We're not just talking; we're listening, learning, and hopefully, making a difference in the lives of those silently battling their demons. Step into our space, lend us your ears, and let's start to understand together.
Support the Medium Ghetto Movement
Funds allow us to consistently create great content.
We also have a vision of "Medium Ghetto Game Nights" in a city near you.
Message of us for topics and possible guest appearance.
Follow us on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/mediumghettopodcast/
Sponsor
Lost in The Sauce Hot Sauce Company
https://www.instagram.com/lostinthesauce_llc/
https://lostinthesauce.store/
Co-Host IG
Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
Sure that that would load properly.
Speaker 2:All right, we are live. What's going on everybody? Again, welcome to the Meeting Ghetto channel. I'm your host, Jamar. We're having a special Move-Vember episode today. We're going to be talking about men's suicide. It's going to be a very, very deep topic, but before we get into the topic, introduce yourselves and where y'all from.
Speaker 3:Hey, all right well, I'll take it first. Wait, am I not muted? Oh OK, no, I'm not All right. Cool, I had to look, I was muted right quick. I'm like, oh shit, did I get muted? All right, anyway, my bad, the House of Love, general airman of horror, your boy, troy Ryan. Yeah, what's up? I'm Kandel, from Just Outside of Philly.
Speaker 1:I'm a Twitch streamer, gamer, activist, all-around type of guy trying to do a lot of stuff. I'm a Twitch streamer. I'm a Twitch streamer. I'm a Twitch streamer, all-around type of guy trying to do my thing. You can follow me on Twitchtv, slash out on board us, or this is also live and Instagram is the same.
Speaker 4:I'm Nya. You guys can follow me on Instagram. Nya underscore and also, I don't know, I'm a so-here living. That's it, and I'm from Chester.
Speaker 2:Chester.
Speaker 4:I'm from Chester, well, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
Speaker 3:I'm technically from Detroit, but I live in Arizona, so Arizona, where they have no daylight savings.
Speaker 2:guys, we're all doing it wrong?
Speaker 3:No, but we change our time of adjusting to everybody else and shit.
Speaker 2:Damn.
Speaker 3:Everything, for the most part, everything we do adjust for y'all.
Speaker 2:Our times stay the same, so it's not you it's us, huh, but all right, let's get to it. So we're going to pop off this list real quick. We're going to be talking about reasons for men's suicide. We're going to be talking about some other challenges. When it comes, let's say we're going to be talking about Second, a lot Help us turn to suicide.
Speaker 2:But first, with that being said, let's talk. We're going to go from the least impactful to the most impactful reasons for suicide, right, uh-huh. So, with that being said, one of them is traumatic experiences. One of the least most is a traumatic experience. For example, a veteran who experienced severe trauma during military service might struggle with PTSD, which could lead to suicidal thoughts. Have you ever experienced?
Speaker 3:a veteran. I mean, I'm not with the suicide part.
Speaker 3:Let's say not with the suicide part, but like I've seen how they can act sometimes when they're genuinely traumatized after there's one guy who couldn't handle loud noises and some kids used to mess with it because kids are fucking terrible and just banging on shit right quick, just to fuck with him, and the pure reaction, the full traumatic memory he literally was reliving it in, whatever those moments were. So I definitely can see that as a reason. But I was going to ask is this an official list thing that you found or something?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a list. I was going through some of the case studies and stuff during my university studies and I just consolidated it. Some data, All right, cool.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm not a veteran myself, but I do know that veterans are, like some of the highest people, predisposed towards suicidality, which like super sucks. Yeah, that's all I really like know as far as that.
Speaker 3:I would say also, too, they shoot them like shit sometimes Not always, but sometimes they go through hell when they come back and it's like damn, I fought for the country and like now, I'm not shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want some real stuff. Going back to that, like six or seven years ago, I was done the military and I'm a Marine Corvette. So I was done a military and literally no one would hire me. There was no jobs that would pay enough for me to even really exist in a place in society. It was like starting over but starting late and what they'll do to if I like. Let's say, if I was going to go like reserve, they would be like well, we can't hire you because we need to work weekends.
Speaker 1:Oh geez.
Speaker 2:So it was so many times like many jobs just wouldn't take you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had friends who back in my old job I used to do like phone calls for funeral homes. A friend of mine was in like National Guard Reserves and she had drill like once a month but she had to be gone for an entire weekend and they couldn't keep her because of that and it's like really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it creates so much instability in your life. If you have those kind of things, you're trying to serve your country and it's not really like right. But going the night I was going to before we get to you PTSD isn't just, like you know, from trauma from the military I was going to go for, but also be for like the hood. You know what I'm saying and I was reading the book by Rita Walker and it was talking about is the apologetic guide to black mental health. It talks about suicide Like you ever see a teenager just constantly put themselves in danger.
Speaker 2:That's actually a form of suicide. So many black young men actually go through suicide that way, from the PTSD, from and you know the hood and the bad environment they're dealing with.
Speaker 4:I feel that I never knew that, Honestly. I mean, I know, I guess you can say, you know, when you see kids do things bad, I'm still going to answer the other thing. But it you'll say, like what are you trying to do? Kill yourself mainly boys. With your palm trees, your calm houses, your sit on a roof, y'all, y'all go across the train. I just do stuff that just don't make sense. So it's like, yeah, stay here, you must follow my story.
Speaker 4:Like what goes in your mind that every because, every single one of your columns.
Speaker 1:Hey look, I love to this day If I go to a park, I'm still climbing trees Like I have like something Like a 30 tree.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to climb up it Like what do y'all think?
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's something like yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's a venture feel maybe, like I just I don't know, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:If you if you go back to like the biological evolutionary stuff. It's super common for like young boys especially like if you go to a shovel or digging a hole, like we're going to dig a hole, If we see a tree that we want to climb, we're going to climb the tree.
Speaker 2:So it's something that fulfills like a really like a primal need.
Speaker 1:Yeah Walking, even if you're like on a sidewalk and there's a narrow part of the sidewalk that's right before the street.
Speaker 2:We're walking on that part of the sidewalk Like it's just like I think that couple would like PTSD and stuff in the hood just really makes a very tragic situation. Because I remember growing up I've seen so many of my friends who like had like bad families or being like been in drive by has actually been in the drive by before, okay, and like I remember, for so many of me on the receiving side that was deep, that was deep, that was deep.
Speaker 2:And what it really how I got past it. Because I didn't know about therapy, I didn't know about any of the stuff that could actually help me. So I literally had 10 years old. I had to come to the fact that either, every time a car stopped for like a month, I would literally stop behind another car because I was like I was like tweaking.
Speaker 4:This is at 10.
Speaker 2:And I had to come to the faculty. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die. So I like literally gave up like my attachment to life. I like I'm still going to try to dodge it.
Speaker 4:So I want to go back to when you were speaking about I'm sorry for your experience that you had and that's crazy.
Speaker 4:And I want to go back to the veterinarian thing I used to work out I'm not going to say what homeless shelter, but I used to work at a homeless shelter and majority of the people that I work with were homeless and majority of our population was veterans, you know, and and they do suffer the most with PTSD, you know, they see a lot, you know, and some people can't take it.
Speaker 4:So they try to go like either they go able or they try to pretend like they're crazy to get out of it because they don't want to be like other people. And it's a messed up thing and, honestly, for, like the United States, they push, you know, navy, army, all these different things, you know, fight for our country down people, and I'm not in high school or OTC, I'm not dishing ROTC, they got nice bodies and all that and they, you know, they athletic, they can do it, but when I'm basically saying other than that, they push that down people's throats but they don't talk about the aftermath when it comes to, you know, fighting for this country, because they do treat people like crap, you know and you can get jobs, and maybe they think like I'm going to come on this job and know that she lose a limb One minute you want to one minute.
Speaker 4:You want to start your cubicle the next minute. He uh fake crawling, think his grenades around, like they probably think like that. Like one minute you'll be okay, then the next minute you may start. You know, stop and dropping and rolling and just doing something.
Speaker 3:Maybe they think like yeah it's not fair.
Speaker 4:So I do see that the I would just talk about that today during orientation that most of our clients because I'm not going to tell you where I work at, but a lot of our clients are, you know, veterans. So basically you know they really be the ones that get treated the worst is like they didn't need it, really needed help. But now that they don't have, like you know, mental hospitals no more I mean they have rare ones. You only can station 72 hours. They is really rare to find a mental institution. They had so many of them. The funding nobody wanted to fund it anymore.
Speaker 3:So they show up to go fuck them shit, as some of them to, which is like that's kind of men and no thing, forever, like you know they would be in mistreated.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah like I love them don't exist anymore.
Speaker 1:It's like you can go to a mental hospital, but like traditional, as I love, them have been like something that don't exist for 40 or 50 years, I think it's like like a few.
Speaker 4:But it's some type of asylum hospitals where you can, you know, go in there, but it's really rare. Like they don't fund it. The government don't fund it, no one wants to put money in it. They rather put money in jail. Jail with quicker, you know and of course you know.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's free labor. Free laborers like the number one things.
Speaker 4:So yeah, let's just put it in jail and then just keep putting them on sag and, you know, decide where they're segregated, because they're just crazy not giving them the proper hope.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I want to hop very quick back on the hood apart very quick, just because I like I think and I was actually having this conversation like yesterday just about like how my people are kind of always forced to, are not necessarily forced but we just kind of reached this point where we take really bad shit and just either block it out or turn it into something else and so like for me, like I've seen a man be shot, like literally killed. You know I'm saying I've been there when my dad's been shot before, like I come from a family of gun users and shit like that, and it was like as a kid. You're not thinking about it, you're just in that moment, you know. I'm saying you go to you kind of like wait, that was kind of fucked up.
Speaker 3:I mean, now I'm able to change it into something else because I write a lot and stuff like that, so I use a lot of those experiences. But some people can't do that. Some people don't have the introspective ability to just finally really look and be like huh, how did this thing that I went through or I saw affected me. It's like, oh, it don't A lot, and that's, I think, what we do a lot of times, especially going up. You know, I'm saying from somewhere like the hood and shit like that, and just like you internalize it, just keep it moving until you get away from it. And everybody don't get away from it.
Speaker 2:Exactly no, and not everybody get away from you, face it eventually.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm just being the area to add the actual fucking hood.
Speaker 2:Let's move on like the physical health problems too. So like physical health problems is a leading thing that cause some suicide too because of painful illnesses, you know, I mean like they just off themselves.
Speaker 3:Gay community and AIDS. Is that really a thing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I don't know if Well, not only like I'm not saying, like people don't know how to comment anymore, but it yeah that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 3:I don't think it's as common anymore. Honestly, I feel like people accept it, maybe better. But you know, I wouldn't claim to fully know because I don't have it but it. But at some point, you know, and I think even now, sometimes, just even outside of that, people can be really self destructive, especially once they know they have some kind of illness, just like rushing to. You know, again, just with like what I've seen in the gay community, sometimes some people can just like it's like well, fuck it, and this turn to like deeper. So you were smoking weed first and I you like on some heroin and shit like that, to say fuck it, because you know you found that you were sick, which again, I don't. I don't claim to understand the mindset of the pain that you might be going through or whatever the case is, but it's also like shit. You know that's kind of deep. I think actually I'm gonna stop there.
Speaker 1:I think there's a few people who deal with like chronic illnesses and stuff and like their suicidality is like way higher, primarily because it's like if you're an emotional anguish, that's one thing that leads to like increase suicide rates, but if your body is always hurting, you're always going through something different, you're always going to doctors, appointments, you're always getting checkups. Like that alone can contribute to like your mental health deteriorating to. So it makes sense for it all to like kind of call last and to higher suicide rates.
Speaker 3:Because also not everybody I'm learning that to is a shitty thing is. It's not to say that everything is sunshine and rainbows, but some people genuinely don't know how to be. Like I'm upside, I don't know. Like it's hard to say, but like and it's not to say I'm always positive because I mean like people don't say a way out. Yeah, I guess that, but it's more so. Just, people don't know how to be happy, I guess really.
Speaker 2:And it was crazy Like people know how to be happy. I'm reading a book called that was it called the art of creating happy memories, and it's going to like to the science of how memories are created. You're literally right by saying that, saying people don't know how to be happy. So what happens with depression? They found out that many people who are depressed they have trouble recalling any happy memories in their life. So the pottery you just remember, you just focus on the bad memories and you literally don't know how to be happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, depression literally gives you like memory loss issues, which is like one of the least talked about symptoms from it, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, is what can actually get memories like you talked about, like things like first, like the first ones are like one of the stuff in nostalgia, are some of the most beneficial memories that can actually get you out of things like depression and just literally they have like therapy that just literally makes you remember good things to train your body I mean your mind how to be like nigga, I'm okay.
Speaker 3:But I think that could be dangerous too, because if you live too much in that, you can also trick your mind to want those things back, and that happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the pendulum will swing the other way but, it's about the balance.
Speaker 3:So it's like that hard movie to me hey, give me something, right. But I was gonna say too, with the happy part, is like you got to find it, not even just that deep, it's just like every day shit, like you know a show that actually makes you happy that you can lose yourself in a snack. You know I'm saying a person that you can talk to you, like people don't find those everyday little little thing, we have to be something major. You fucking found 10 cent. Oh shit, I found 10 cent. Like you gotta fucking throw a party for yourself. But you know, acknowledge that as like a lucky thing, or just you know some kind of happy moment or something just.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I definitely always. Yeah, I think one thing like one thing. Like people get so sad or they don't focus on the negative side on in this. A physical health problem is like obesity. I've seen a man die from obesity and I think that's one of the hardest ones to get over. Sometimes, you know, I mean, like I've seen my brother's dad rested so we finally you passed away like a year ago, and like from obesity, so you got to the point where you got so big he was like no one wants me, I'm not worth anything and I'm just going to eat from doubt. I want to die from eating and it got worse and worse and worse.
Speaker 2:It was so bad that the cops couldn't even arrest him. That's how fatty was. So the cops would call my brother to come pick them up because he couldn't fit. He couldn't fit any cop car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, um, one of the things we had to deal with and I was like taking phone calls to our funeral homes. If someone was like too large, they had to call like the fire department to get like special equipment to carry them out, because the funeral homes didn't have like the right equipment to lift someone who literally needed like levers and pulleys to get taken out.
Speaker 4:So do they put them in like a ambulance?
Speaker 1:If they can get them into one, yeah, but they have to use like specialized equipment so you can get them like out of the bed out of the home down onto the street into whatever. You're not like getting transported on a fire truck, but the fire department's tools are necessary to like get you out.
Speaker 2:It's literally like people are like 500 pounds.
Speaker 3:I didn't realize how deep that, no listen, there is the show my 600 pound life. I was gonna say I don't know if you know, he maybe saw that show, but that's not always true, because I sort of fucking got in that show. Yeah, half of the time they'd be buried in shit, if my most, I would say like 70 to 80%, and I low-key feel.
Speaker 1:I don't know. No, no, so that's what I mean, is I?
Speaker 3:was gonna say like the real-life thing, but I honestly feel like the world is low-key, chubby chasers because, like in my own experience, I had like more, For lack of a better term.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm older now. I've had more prospects when I was a bigger boy in my life than like when I got smaller and I got like way more attractive and it was just like I don't know, it was weird and I was like you know what. And then I started paying attention. I like people. I think people are chubby chasers, but not like so.
Speaker 1:I think it's a little different. But like leads to that happening is more than anything, people thinking that larger people will have lower standards.
Speaker 2:Like if you go to a club.
Speaker 1:Not everyone's going after like the slim, like supermodel looking girls, the guys that are left at the end of the night who haven't found somebody. They're looking for someone who seems desperate, and it's almost always gonna be them like, like you said, chubby chasing, that's not to say like larger people don't have marriage to their own. But yeah you ain't never heard the term chubby chaser before.
Speaker 4:I just knew, like I knew why a person will be going at them. I'm not saying that there's not.
Speaker 3:It's like the term oh cushion for the cushion. That's what I can't yeah.
Speaker 1:If you talk to bigger people, they'll get. They can get into like committed relationships, but more often than not on like dating apps and stuff like that, it's just someone looking to get laid. Use them in the move.
Speaker 2:These aren't people looking to actually commit.
Speaker 1:There are good looking bigger people. That's not deniable.
Speaker 2:I Like them thick sometimes, you know me well. This is not what this conversation is about.
Speaker 3:All right guys. Yeah, we go border, border on a little trash. That's hot back on hot, back on Q.
Speaker 2:We have a conversation, we have this whole episode. Do you like them, thick? It's your life, damn that guy or that girl is sick.
Speaker 1:Before we do move on, I just I want to clarify that, like larger people do have a lot of societal issues and stuff that that affect them in ways differently than we can understand, as like Healthier or not even healthier, but like skinnier people, and dating is definitely.
Speaker 2:I used to be obese me too.
Speaker 4:I'm both these right now for my height 280 pounds.
Speaker 2:I grew up obese with PTSD and low confidence.
Speaker 4:I'm obesity. Sometimes I feel like you know you don't always have to look obese to not be obese, like for my height I'm borderline obesity American standard. But I really feel fat as shit like that's the bullshit standard.
Speaker 4:No, listen, yesterday I could not film stomach because I keep overeating, because I'm so stressed and like it really does a lot to your mental and that really does a lot to your sleep. I sleep all day and it's just like I may not look really, really obese, but I have the same attributes in the same characteristics that a bigger person may have like I'm out of breath, I'm heavy, I feel heavy and like it's a real thing, you know saying it's really a little thing. Like it is, it's definitely a demine. That's why I said no, it's, but I was bigger than this before. Like I look like. I remember this one picture of a sitting on Santa Claus lap. I wish I could pull up.
Speaker 3:I look like big oh no, it's fine, I have my pictures, my big boy pictures. I'm afraid to be looking around like this to you yeah, yeah, I think yeah. College was when I was the biggest cuz I went.
Speaker 4:What did you say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what is his face look like? Was he like?
Speaker 4:Here that's. But no, I'm a scribble, I'm gonna put my thumb over my face and just so you look at Santa. Only that's embarrassing.
Speaker 3:See life. Like I said, I'm actually fast again, the freshman 30, and that was the largest I was, and it took some years post college to get to work. Well, shit, probably the last two years to get to where I am now.
Speaker 4:But I Think, can that basic? Well, no one really said no. I think Jamar actually said it, like I did want to clear the air that we're not saying Big people are unattractive. You know people are sensitive. Oh yeah, no one's not big, and I see I was messing with a couple big guys.
Speaker 3:I was like you know, yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 4:But Because you're big, you're ugly. We just think that is unhealthy. It's just not.
Speaker 1:I'm also not saying that like there are a lot of bigger people who are probably could run circles around me very, very easily.
Speaker 2:I don't lie so one time, the story time, story time. I was running this, so I just messed my leg up, right, I had to train for a 5k. I was on the first house wood at the moment Yo, let's do a 5k. And we ran. We finally run the 5k, right, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running. I do my first. I'm in my last half a mile. This really, really voluptuous woman is running ahead of me and I was so tired and I see how voluptuous she was and how fast is running compared to me, so I said I can't lose of a luxurious woman.
Speaker 2:Don't say Faster for motivation and I beat her cuz. I said what a guy if I didn't win.
Speaker 1:Say is like she really just it.
Speaker 2:She was faster than probably two-thirds the whole race and she Looked like she could be at least like 280 and like that's also misconception that big people are fucking athletic and shit. Right. Yeah, it was crazy, she was right now. I was like goddamn and she was consistent. The whole time was actually really motivating.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean let's move on the next right because let's say, obesity, age, divorce, you know.
Speaker 2:Just, lack of good friends can leave the social isolation Okay, yeah, I mean social isolation can leave to suicide as well. Anybody ever been like really socially isolated to the point where I like yo, I don't really think I have no validation of my worth or I don't even think anyone likes me, so why live? Not exactly that.
Speaker 4:But I have been. I have Um, dealt with that type of stuff and had isolated myself and I had literally nobody. You know, and it kind of you do get those suicidal thoughts. You know what I'm saying. We feel like you don't have anybody by yourself on the long self-rejected. You feel like it's a lot of different things, like mental health is a real thing, like literally so yeah, I've been in a different state of suicide, like not just because I feel alone, I've got nobody.
Speaker 4:It could be different things. You know, when your money low you feel like.
Speaker 2:You know, like damn, I ain't got nothing. I'm a failure.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No, a lot of men feel like they ain't got no money. So when you said you were stressing you's over eating, I was jealous because I, when I'm stressed, I'm broke usually and I can't afford to eat.
Speaker 4:I won't eat, but this time I wouldn't stop eating as like damn. I found a comfort and food and it was like the shit was good.
Speaker 3:And then I wonder that's one of my, one of my things, yeah, my eyes has always been.
Speaker 4:I don't got no appetite. This year it was. I got an appetite and it's like damn big face.
Speaker 3:I stay in the kitchen. My dance, I walk, I do I don't.
Speaker 4:I wasn't doing nothing but literally eating and sitting down.
Speaker 3:Yeah, why was it say real quick, you did so, I get. I did feel like that before.
Speaker 4:I want to dance one time it wasn't as it's.
Speaker 1:Oh, you wasn't no, I thought I wanted dance oh.
Speaker 3:No, so the rejection part, because you brought up rejection and I was like that was. That was like the trigger for me like To really like go over the edge I had. But I was going through a lot of other shit. But then I went through a situation with a person that I have feelings for. Was you know, dealing with it ended up having feelings for my best friend, and then that just like nice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it was a whole thing where, and I didn't even I told my eyes, I said it's okay, you know, lying to myself, saying it was something I could handle, and it wasn't, and it just Crushed me. You know, I'm saying, and I believe it was just like I want to fucking die, I don't want to be here, this is the worst thing ever. Please take me away. And so, yeah, so I have been there and I isolated myself, or, like you know, I didn't. So there was another time and it was when I first moved here. It was just, you know, detroit, arizona, are very different and I just kind of was very isolated when I first was here because it was just different and weird. But with the other situation I didn't isolate, I stayed around people but I was very Reserved.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, it's constantly around people, anybody that had a blunt, anybody that has something to drink. What's up, hang it out. I don't know if I, who you are, where you at. Oh, we smoke it, we drink.
Speaker 4:Yo, this is literally crazy. I'm saying it's crazy because I literally I'm actually dealing with that, but I dealt with that worse before like and breaks up some relationships. It's like you know what it's not, like you can't feel, like you can't live without that person. It's just so much like you really hurt me and I would have never hurt you like that and I would have never did this to you and you went about it the wrong way. And then that's when you start feeling like worthless. It's like what can I have done better? Do you start asking yourself, do you start seeing?
Speaker 4:the thing, yeah, and it, just it gets, it gets bad. I've been through the drinking the party and stage. I've been through all those different stages and different.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying, I'm gonna numb this out.
Speaker 4:Like sometimes you want to know some people cut, some people drink, some people get high, some people have sex a lot, some people do different things to like get by, like. So I've been there where, like I wrote down oh my, I'm like what triggers me and some of those things, and one of the first thing, I think it's a band of members you know, or rejection. Like sometimes you gotta really forgot your trigger, because your triggers will put you in a state of, you know, a spiral of suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 2:You get them saying I got a question about your abandonment. Do you ever feel like you? You Detach from people because you're scared they're gonna abandon you of course I have.
Speaker 4:I've kind of done it. Or sometimes I cling to people because I don't want them to leave me.
Speaker 4:You know, I do more and actually like pulling away this stage in my life. Right now. I feel like I pulled away because I'm embarrassed of how things went With my breakup and the things went with things financially with me. I had so many things. I went and threw a breakup in March. I had to graduate and get ready in April. May came graduation. I had to move here in April. I had so much stuff going on. I was. I have to depart the detached from people because this is like too much for me. Like you know how they say, you get over simulated and I got there but no, I cling, I'm clingy, I'm clingy, but I'm extremely cool.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, Identify as a king of self-isolation.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm so good at intentionally like damaging my own life to push people out of it. It's like and then, as far as like suicidality, like that alone is something I've dealt with, literally since I was like, I Think since I was old enough to even contemplate death I've always wondered about not existing, which isn't the same as like killing yourself, but like the blanket idea of wanting to like banish for a little bit and then having that be like for an definite amount of time. That's something I've always more or less done, um, since I was probably like six or seven years old.
Speaker 2:I think from my experience like so far I so I saw the Isolation was the last stage of me going through like stages of like depression. I would be like, well, if I'm not there and it would incur If I detach myself, you know, I mean I didn't get the invite.
Speaker 4:Although we do that too, something for myself, when I although I may remove myself from people because people ask me any questions I don't like telling the truth. I just want to come over. I don't want to think about my problems. I don't want you to ask about bills. I want you why we talk about how big a big event, why you want about that.
Speaker 2:Concast internet bill. You haven't paid in two months.
Speaker 4:I'm hanging up Anyway, so the Wi-Fi.
Speaker 4:But, no, like sometimes you just want to go in escape I don't want to go in talk about and people don't intentionally do it like, oh, we're such a such a Like bro, like if he ain't right here with me, don't act. If I ain't bring this person up, don't act. I don't feel like talking about that. I'm trying to come here, have fun, drink, okay, forget about tonight and go home to. You know, I mean, like sometimes you want those things.
Speaker 4:But the things that we choose to do during our times of you know, our Suicidal rants, depression, anxiety, all those different things that's going on. Like you know, we choose to do the worst things for ourselves. We make our things worse for ourselves, like can tell you Worst things and it pushes people away and it's like we making it hold on ourselves. You know so, but sometimes you just don't know how to cope. So I don't want people who's gonna watch this to feel like the dude go go party, go drink, go use the drugs, go have sex, go strip, go prostitute. We ain't saying that, we're not pushing it. I prefer for people to do more self-love stuff and that's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, getting older, yeah, I.
Speaker 2:Used to be a thought out there.
Speaker 3:Advocate for experience, so Sometimes you need to go ahead, fuck it away. Maybe you need to smoke it away tonight.
Speaker 4:Don't get lost and make bad choices and wake up pregnant.
Speaker 3:Go ahead, Listen to the choice I mean no, okay, so I mean, but if you do, goddamn it. The baby supposed to be here, shit.
Speaker 2:Where she calls you about the baby never had.
Speaker 4:That's like what movie was that? He woke up and he had a baby.
Speaker 1:Don't beat me up, I haven't seen. You know, I don't like comedy movies honestly, so like Like. I like dark comedy movies like the Wolf Wall Street. That's funny as hell to me, and then the movie itself is like super good, but like I'm not watching.
Speaker 3:You don't like slapstick comedy.
Speaker 1:I Might be Batman. I still have my mom, so I'm not fully there. I don't like comedy, but for me it's like I Really like deep, thought-provoking movies that have themes that people go through, and for me comedy seems like a way for To like cope with things. I'm like okay, but like stand up, but Crafting a story that's like exclusively meant to just like make people laugh, that's never been something I've like ever been interested in.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Adam Sandler. I don't know how people do it.
Speaker 4:That's my favorite.
Speaker 3:Yes, doesn't work nowadays, like I think I'm feeling. In an era, some comedy isn't always timeless and, like for me, scary movie is timeless.
Speaker 1:Paradis. I like parody. Cool um satire is okay, but slapstick or anything like in that realm is just not not even remotely funny to me.
Speaker 3:Interesting. Okay, yeah, yeah, you gotta break. Yeah, you had to break that down. You can't just come on and say I don't like comedy movies.
Speaker 1:If you name like 10, I probably would be like yeah, yeah all right let's move on to the next one economic stress, for example.
Speaker 2:Father who loses his job faces melting debt, may be filled overwhelmed by financial despair and considers suicide as a way out. I also think this is the closest way I'll probably get, in this modern day life, up to suicide. Financially, man, I'm like, yeah, okay, pay for shit.
Speaker 3:You know what, right now I'm not where I'm at. I've been like going through literal ups and downs at the past, like two and a half years after I'd like really just decided to Pursue a lot of my dreams and stuff like that. So, you know, life kind of been happening and it's just like I Don't. If that's not the thing that's gonna get me there, it'll be not getting to where I've been planning to In the end, like my art, and it'll have to be.
Speaker 3:I guess it don't fuck that. It has to be exactly the dream that I'm working towards. So like that's more. So what'll get me to that point? Like if I look up in 20 years or 25 years, on 65, and I'm in the same space or something like that like it will be a mix of age and being in the same financial spot within a decade plus when I'm working towards something else. So it won't necessarily be the funds itself, it'll be like where I'm at, if that makes sense. But I was gonna say one thing I don't feel like it's I've been hearing it recently and I had a moment where I was going through it it's like men can be mean when we're broke.
Speaker 3:And we don't even think that we are, but we really fucking mean when we're broke. And I had to catch myself because my mouth just was like Snapping, like I've always had a fucking snappy mouth like, but when I was going through like you know, a mental financial moment or whatever, it was just like I was just mean as hell and like rude.
Speaker 2:What is the meanest thing, you said? Oh, the meanest shit, I said, was when I was a kid.
Speaker 3:I don't, I don't even recall. I mean, when you look, I can always say I don't know, I said something really mean, I was really going through some stuff.
Speaker 2:I like I just paid like 800,000 to get me to the corner and I didn't know that there's probably a little traffic between a państwa department and then their W низ. So I felt like I'm gonna transition and I'm not gonna make me look and draw like I look. Oh. So, yea, that's it for evangelism. Yeah, actually you guys got some extra.
Speaker 1:I get Venom fan the worst thing I said I did tell somebody.
Speaker 3:Somebody was like I went on a story of suicide.
Speaker 2:That's when I like took suicide a lot more seriously. It was during the Marines right and one guy from Jamaica I remember him like it's like yesterday this is when I learned to watch what I say and he said man, I just wanna kill myself. I said, well, go on, live yourself, and you know, and then-.
Speaker 1:Were you saying I'm alive before TikTok?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wanted to say that I'm like, I'm not gonna make myself like a monster. When I was 19, I was a 19 year old monster, you know. I told him to go leave the harm itself.
Speaker 1:So that was part of the fucking course for me when I was playing like. I mean, I still play video games to this day, but, like video game, people are toxic especially League of Legends players.
Speaker 2:I literally had to watch this guy. No, kandale. I had to watch this guy for two weeks, day and night, to make sure he didn't do anything.
Speaker 4:That will be on my conscience too.
Speaker 1:I mean yeah but that's a good spin for it. You play some of these video games online now that you get banned-.
Speaker 3:You gotta see these motherfuckers no more. Now it goes to fucking like.
Speaker 1:It's like I heard Home Depot has a sale on ropes. Like they get creative with this shit now.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's terrible. I wanna touch back on what you was talking about about the men. I don't know.
Speaker 3:Troy said it, but one of y'all just said it yeah, did I mean what they said? Yeah, like it's just the whole ban.
Speaker 4:I have definitely experienced that, even with my father. Not that my father loved me to life like he loved me so much, but he used to be very irritated and impatient because he couldn't be able to provide. Now he can, but he wasn't able to provide the way he wanted to. And it's like damn, how can a daughter come to you as a man, right, and then you have to turn her down? That makes a man feel like damn, I can't. Even you know I want to, especially when you wanna do it and you can't. Versus a family. I don't know that question mom Did I give her.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I just feel like even in relationships I have experienced, when Nika's money was tight and it's like they mad at me. How are you gonna be mad at me? Or y'all try to start an argument so y'all can leave the house, because y'all really don't have money or y'all pressure it.
Speaker 3:Hey, you wanna go to the movies? Where the fuck the movies?
Speaker 1:Just like you in the movie fuck you. I just have you in the water comedy. But that all circles back to like hurt people, hurt people.
Speaker 1:You're in a financial situation where you feel super insecure, like, say, your job's not working out, you don't know who you are and I'm guilty of this myself it's really really easy to take that out on like the nearest people surrounding you If you're in a position where it's like, damn, I don't know who I am, I'm not making any decent money right now, I don't know what the hell my life is gonna look like in the next like four months.
Speaker 2:Any, yeah, you're gonna be. That's pretty much anyone's being under 50K. That's probably how they feel right now in the same society.
Speaker 1:So it's not even I wouldn't even say like the income is what matters, it's the expenses. It's like what's going out? How much are you spending? How much do you have left for yourself?
Speaker 2:Food is expensive. One food is expensive, rent is insane.
Speaker 4:I don't even wanna talk about that.
Speaker 2:If you're not working like 60 hours a day. You can't even afford nice things and take a trip. It's bad but like even like segue into like societal expectations, because that's sound like men who are going through like societal expectations. That's why we're a man Like we really wanna generally be there for people but we can't and we just feel so much pressure.
Speaker 2:So we don't feel like a man, and most men know this. If a man ain't useful or has a use, he's miles, well, just fucking kill himself because society doesn't give a fuck about him.
Speaker 1:When a woman said, they asked him hey, are you okay?
Speaker 2:But when a man said, they don't even actually. But that goes more to it.
Speaker 3:I think men need to learn how to talk, cause I think that's also the thing like just with the money and the societal thing overall. I think a lot of men don't know how to say I'm going through these money problems, this is fucking with me in the head.
Speaker 3:I feel you know what I'm saying. I feel like I can't provide it. I feel like this is there. It's like I said fuck the movies, bitch. Why you trying to go to the motherfucking movies, yo, as we use that nigga to take you to. You know what I'm saying? Like now, it's this whole thing because it touched the trigger and you know what I'm saying? Like now, it's this whole trigger, because you don't know how to just say.
Speaker 4:Express it. Yeah, I'm fucked up right now.
Speaker 3:God damn, my pocket is low. This shit making me feel like you know my mama needs some help and I had to put you know, like just.
Speaker 1:But we also have to recognize that futile that stuff feels.
Speaker 3:It feels very futile your friends aren't going to give you a job, but you need to only get in the world, I think.
Speaker 2:You're absolutely right. Doke and Dale. It does feel futile. Somebody was like. I told somebody one time I was depressed. He said yo, why didn't you call me? I was like nigga, you don't even got five, you only got $10 a spare. What the fuck was you gonna do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, for me personally, I know like 90% of my issues. If I were making a hundred K a year, I would not be like in the mental, so it would be different. I would still deal with like certain like self image issues, but none of it would be financial insecurity. And when you're dealing with financial insecurity or any level of instability that comes from like your income versus your expenses, like it's a different life to live, but like, oh, I'm gonna go talk about this, you go talk about it. It's like shit. I could have spent that like 20, 30 minutes, like getting overtime at the job, working more hours, something along those lines, so you would be able to make more money. But you're not doing that. You're trying to talk to a friend who can't help you out, so it doesn't feel like you're making any progress or actually doing anything you might feel related to.
Speaker 3:I think it depends, cause I had a moment, but it was more so me not working towards the stuff that I knew I could work towards, if that makes sense, like writing, and, like you know, I have my books out and just you know, going to like my acting classes and doing stuff like that. So it's like, yeah, the time could be more productive, but it does help to still talk about it, to get it out. But then at that point, like it's like I said earlier, like fuck it away, drink away whatever. Like, yeah, get it out, express it, but don't get lost in that, don't be coming to get it Always sitting there talking about, yeah, my pockets is low, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, maybe get that out and also pick the right person, because if you talk to the right person, that'll make you feel understood and hurt.
Speaker 3:So you won't feel like you got to fucking go talk to a million people about it.
Speaker 2:That is a good part too, troy you talk to the right person, and if it is the societal thing, Talk to the wrong person, they say some fuck those.
Speaker 3:Make you go home and tell them what's the best.
Speaker 2:If your girl, like is your girl and you go yo, I'm really suffering, I need help, I'm overspending Y'all literally could make a plan together to get you both out of that situation.
Speaker 1:Like y'all, both can't really afford vacation.
Speaker 2:Why can't y'all afford vacation? You know what I mean. If you're overspending on her, have you let her know that this out of your budget? How can we make you make more money Like what's up? Like do you need education, like what's the plan, or else you want to just fake it till you die?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I agree, but with Troy, something that Troy did say again that it's just a pretend to thing. And I feel like men feel like they're a me Like what makes them is money, you know. So it's like when you think about man, you think about a provider, you think about money, you think about coins, because men were supposed to be the providers and also, I guess a man feel like without money they're nothing, just like almost. I'm not saying women feel like this, but condoms. Sometimes we're far herring down the far nails and our feet are just like oh my god, I'm just hideous, I'm the ugliest person in the world. So I guess like I'm just like if I can't provide, I'm worth nothing. And men feel like that If I can't provide for myself, if I can't provide for anybody else, what's the point of living? And I feel like that's why the male suicide rate is higher than female suicide rate, because I feel like men are not patient enough with their self, you know, it's like OK, and then they're centered around the wrong people and that makes you feel like you're nothing if you don't have money.
Speaker 4:I've dealt with many broke niggas and I have dealt with niggas who get money, you know, and it's like I'm going to treat them the same way, like I'm not going to treat them no differently, because I think that today, like this, just may be a space that you end. You know, and I'm willing to, as a woman, to step up for my man if I had the necessities to. We're going to rock this joint out. You know, and I have did that, and niggas are still mean just because they still broke You're taking it, because at that point it's insecurity, like it's like oh, I can't, I can't, it's like brokenness, like societal expectations, is not always finance.
Speaker 2:Men like the men have, like they like the impact. As men, we like life projects, legacy projects, that like make an impact in this world and we just feel like we're not making an impact. That can get us down too, and I know. Women like to be what is what they call it? Women like to be admired. Men like to be of use, and you know what I mean. Like we like to be of use, we like to be the man, like a better word.
Speaker 3:I think Nya said I lost it, though, but it was just basically about friends or like environment, and that's just another part too, because sometimes broke niggas hang out with broke niggas, and that's just.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you got broke. Niggas problems right.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying, yeah, so that's also a factor of like not necessarily saying oh, go hang out with you. Know what I'm saying, fuck your friends and like go find rich niggas. But like, if there's no ambition in your circle to more, better or anything like that, then that will rub off on you and that's how you end up with the guys who can just say fuck it and just like stay in whatever, and I'll probably low key, depressed, but we'll talk about it and just sit in that space forever. You know, because all their friends sit in that space and they are together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess I get what you say.
Speaker 4:I get what you're saying too, jamar, but at the same time is like yeah, it's true that a man I can't speak for men, but from what I've seen and growing up in ours, I'm the only girl and it just. I have brothers and I can see that, like a man do want to have something to show for you get what I'm saying and they also want to be able to be yeah, and they want to be able to be financially able, to know that I got some money in my pocket just in case you know, or you know, being able to be relied on. Like you said, you want to be relied on. You want people to need you, shit. I want you to know that I need you to. You know, but you're gonna be all mean. Then. You know, I'm just so, I don't know what.
Speaker 4:I guess I'm sometimes how God's carrying it and we, a lot of times men, take things out on the people that are there for them and the closest ones to them. It's like you're going to get the end of this because the fact that you're the only one that's around, you're the only one that can actually deal with me doing this shit. So I'm gonna treat you mean, bro, like that's backwards. I don't understand. So it's true, it's definitely true, but I don't feel like a lot of women. Is not that not having money does not? It's not that it don't bother us, because it definitely does bother us, but I don't think that we're like I'm gonna kill myself.
Speaker 4:We were like man I heard about, I will do some hair.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, you got to figure where that comes from, though, Like, historically speaking, like you said it yourself, guys are typically looked at as, like the provider of the breadwinner, one bringing in the money so the wife can stay home.
Speaker 3:I did it, it's not it's not the same.
Speaker 1:Say it again.
Speaker 4:Why won't you hustle Like I'm not saying sell drugs?
Speaker 3:Everybody got impatient.
Speaker 1:That's exactly that's exactly where I was going, if you like, for me, I hate working.
Speaker 4:I have a job that.
Speaker 1:I enjoy. That makes me feel good. I love. The work that I do is the most rewarding shit that I've ever done, but I still hate the idea of well, 40 of my hours are like every week are occupied doing stuff that I don't necessarily like it's not what I would rather be doing.
Speaker 4:So you have to do the job you have to go to work.
Speaker 1:Now it's if I call out to take a mental health day. I'm the only person paying on my bills right now, so I can't really do that If I have like for me, like with the school I'm working at, since I work at a school. Now Thanksgiving break is coming up, a lot of people are like, oh my God, yeah, thanksgiving break, winter break for Christmas, and I'm just like, damn, that's no hours for the week. I don't want to have to feel like that, but it's just the state that you have to be in with women. It's not a part of your identity to be the breadwinner. And it's even more recent that women are even seen like pursuing education and careers Not that they didn't want to before but now it's normal.
Speaker 1:Now it's like finally entering that sphere where women are like beating men in education and women are starting to catch up to men in their careers. That creates a lot of like spaces for guys, particularly especially traditional guys, who are like okay, well, it used to be you get a paycheck, you get a wife, and then it's good. But now women have their own paycheck, they have their own crib, they have their own car, they have their own job. So a lot of users just felt like, damn, what am I supposed to bring to the table? All I know is get a check, get a check, get a check, and that's not enough anymore. So there's a lot more to it than just hustle.
Speaker 1:And I'm hustling, but she is too. That's beautiful.
Speaker 3:That's good. Yeah, that's perfect.
Speaker 4:Oh, do y'all? Would y'all prefer that your significant other would stay at home and you guys provide for your significant other? I mean honestly let them do their own thing For me.
Speaker 1:I wish that every human being could do what they want to do with their time to make the money that they need to make. Like I'm a big proponent for universal basic income, I don't think people should have to come out of pocket for rent. I don't think people should have to come out of pocket for food, even aside from getting like luxury foods or going out to eat.
Speaker 1:But it's really really difficult to even imagine a future like that when we've been so bound to the idea that if you're not working a job, you have no intrinsic value For me. If I could provide for somebody and just say like, yeah, you're good, you don't have to work at all, that's great. I would also like to be in the position of just not having to work in order to do that Okay.
Speaker 3:I mean for me. I would just say I would prefer. I hate working too. Fuck jobs, Me too, and, like you were saying, I do actually prefer everybody.
Speaker 3:I would hope people have things that they want to do outside of that, and so I would prefer my person has like a specific thing that they're working towards. It doesn't really matter, but you know, just because that same, I guess since this is my word of the night ambition it would be something that you kind of understand. You know what I'm saying when I'm having my moments. You know, some weekends or whatever the case is, sometimes I'm really busy with different projects and shit like that, and it's like you don't have to do exactly what I do. But if you have something that you're working towards, you understand like, oh shit, that you know you got this and this to do. Maybe I got this to do too. We got a busy weekend.
Speaker 3:Like I would prefer that versus. And if you're like sick or some shit happens or you just can't at the moment you're going through a moment, then yeah, that's fine, I'll tell you. You know, be the person that brings the money in, but like I would prefer you doing something that you love, not even for monetary reasons. But the trash, you're doing something for you anyway, and if I bring in money, then Jamar, you taking care of your significant other.
Speaker 2:I did the actions of taking care of my significant other before I am a divorcee for everyone of them. But to be honest, I think I would rather date someone who works, or at least worked, who will actually have their own ambition, even if it's not a traditional job. I want that person to have their own ambition. They want to actualize their own life and they want to fulfill their own dreams, even if that's not a traditional job or career, but someone who has a hunger for more, because I just found out just living and dating If someone's like growing and the other ones running, they're going to resent each other.
Speaker 2:I've had so many times in the past when I've dating a woman or woman who weren't working on themselves and they, when I used to say affirmations in the mirror, they used to be like oh, why you got to say affirmations in the mirror? Is it because I'm not good enough?
Speaker 3:Sometimes you can sit up.
Speaker 2:Is it because you're a better life, like would you like to be better without me? And it's just a lot of insecurity to deal with someone who's not growing, and if I'm not growing, that's when I'm more vulnerable to get the negativity in my mind as well. So I understood it and take it personal, but how are the actuals going?
Speaker 1:in a way, this is something that I literally had to like grow through myself in just the past few months.
Speaker 1:I had a very, very long relationship of like eight years. My primary thing was, like I couldn't understand, like, okay, I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to do a job, I need to commute to work, I need to handle all these things. And then I would look at my partner and I'm like, okay, you're doing like stuff that makes you feel fulfilled and like it's fun to you, but for me it wasn't the you get to do that. There was a level of like envy, of like shit. I wish I could stay home and just fucking write poetry all day. I wish I could do that, but I don't have the privilege of doing that because I have to work. So I would look into that situation and, instead of like being glad she was doing whatever she was doing, like because she was doing stuff, it was like a more creative thing, she had the free time to do it and she had passive income from like assistance.
Speaker 1:That was going on, but for me it was just like nothing ever felt like enough because I was constantly looking from my own state of mind. I am not allowed or able to grow outside of doing the job I'm doing. Which mind you was like I was working six days a week and then it was like I was in the office 12 hours a day, like that shit was killer.
Speaker 4:I was out of the crib like six hours a week.
Speaker 1:All I wanted to do was get home and write, get home and like, play games, get home and like, stream, do all that kind of stuff, and then like, while she didn't have to work, I'm just like, what else are you doing to grow yourself? What else are you doing to improve your own life? And regardless of what she provided, regardless of the answer, none of that was ever enough, because I felt like I was so restricted and within my own cage I couldn't grow enough to actually be appreciative of the fact that she was able to do that while I was building for myself too. So that should it creates a lot of issues when it's just like you said, it's looking at someone and seeing them not growing. But if you feel like you're not growing and you project that onto the people in your life, it gets even worse.
Speaker 3:I've seen that up close my parents. It's very uncomfortable, it's kind of sad because it's like you want your part, like you should be happy, but it's like people go through their own shit. So it's like it's only you know what I'm saying. If they're not especially like cause, like you know you're able I don't know if you're able to assess it at some point during the situation or after whatever case is some people are ever able to really look at themselves like that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's another situation I was in years ago too. Well, I was working at like a supermarket doing like deli work, working like fucking what I think like 9.50 an hour. And then a friend of mine he got into. He was in college and going through school and I didn't really have that option at the time. He ended up getting like an internship that paid him like 75 K a year and I was like, holy shit, what the fuck am I compared to like people like this who go through like four or three I think it was like three and a half years of school at the time. He was getting ready for like graduation and ended that internship.
Speaker 1:I'm just like I've been doing this job for two, almost two years now and I'm not even making like a subsistence, living like I'm living. I was living at home with my mom. Still, I'm like there are people here in their 40s, 50s, 60s doing this job. I don't want to be that, and if I can't be more than that, what the fuck am I supposed to be? And then you don't see, like I was saying earlier, you don't see the way out for yourself. So that's where I was like I'm gonna just fucking, I'm gonna check. I'm gonna just leave at this point.
Speaker 3:Comparing, that's, that's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, comparison is the death of joy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can't, like you got to look at your shit for you. I mean, it happens for everybody at different points. I think everybody's gonna go to that point where you can't help but to look at somebody else's you know common accomplishments or whatever and feel small or something. But like and it's my favorite thing individualism. You got to like look at your story for your story, because everybody's shit is different. Because even that that's probably what you see and they probably go home fucking Saturday. And you know what I'm saying. You just saw this fucking award or promotion and got and they went home and they get abused.
Speaker 3:Or you don't say like not to say that's always the case but it's always something different. And don't think more money means no problems. Yet Financial issues probably go away, but more money, more problems that's a very real thing and I even I witnessed that from moving from Detroit to Arizona. I went out here making fucking 75k and I near it, but I made more than my brothers and my most of my like cousins or shit like that and my fuckers looking at me. Like you know I'm saying I'm like shit, I'm going through hell with it, like I'm just making a little bit more and going through hell. I can only imagine making you know I'm saying that much and what problems those bring.
Speaker 2:So it's comparing and it's like making a lot of money and everyone else is like lacking. You feel like and you feel like you're a part and then they were like yo can I borrow 200? I got you, and then a bunch of people borrow money from me, just never get paid back, and it's a bad scene.
Speaker 3:Our accomplishments too.
Speaker 3:You feel fucked up if you keep like yeah doing shit, like in a way, like and you know, I'm saying you almost don't want to advertise it or say like, hey, I'm doing this thing. Here he go again Something else, cause that's the thing, some people, it's the opposite side of it. You know, like, yeah, I'm the person who's achieving these things and doing these things. But now I feel bad because I don't want to keep talking about it. But I'm excited because I'm doing this thing, but I can't talk about it now.
Speaker 2:Exactly. All right, we're going to go on. We had a few more, but we're going to go on the last one, right. Personal and ethnic factors right. For example, a man from a cultural background that stigmatizes mental health issues may avoid seeking help for depression, leading to an untreated condition that could escalate to suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 1:Is there a question that follows us? I was going to say that.
Speaker 2:That's the last one we're going to touch on. But for um, have you ever like seen that before? I know it's most likely. Yes, especially in our culture.
Speaker 3:Someone that stigmatizes mental health, I mean technically, I kind of when you say cultural like, so I mean.
Speaker 2:So let's say for this it's a neat way not to exclude everybody, or it's a neat way to include, include, be inclusive to different cultures. But speaking from being a black man, um, like I was just talking about the many ways to do suicide and one of the biggest ways like people don't think about is drug use for suicide. People don't think about creating bad eating habits, like if you know food is killing you, isn't that like a form of suicide and you're putting yourself in your body in harm? You know what I mean? Being aggressive with people that could hurt you, living like reckless and man if you just out here just living like crazy. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Or like trying to think Bruv, you know you got depression already. You're not taking your medicine, or you know you need medicines or you're on risk anyway.
Speaker 3:But black people don't like to get help. But that's kind of to slide into the cultural part of being black. I kind of struck like one of my issues too was my skin, not like hating the dark skin and bleaching my skin. You know what I'm saying. Like I try trying to, rather, because I still like. To this day I don't even know if the bleach cream fucking worked, but for like a good year and a half two years I was fucking. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Summertime come around, I'm staying in the house most of the day until it's like starting to get dark and all right, cool, I ain't got to die as the fucking sun. You know it's like a very real thing. So it was like damn, hating my skin, people hate and like it was kind of around the same time of me, like going through, like to suffer the best friend and stuff like that. So again, it was like multiple issues. But that's another thing that I think you know black people go through being dark skin.
Speaker 3:We don't acknowledge it a lot but there's always like the like I was the dark skin one out of my life skin brothers. You know what I'm saying. I don't want to hunt out because my oldest brother's dark skin, but he went on the same age as us, so we was a three month. I'm fucking hanging out and they like skin with braids. And here I am, fat, dark skin boy, and it was my shirt here and it was just like something I could never like get away from because it was always going to remind me. You know what I'm saying. Like I had a girl say, damn, what happened to you it was your brothers and I'm like bitch, it doesn't happen to me. You know, and as a kid you know that shit will make you like hate yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I had to grow to like love. Like now my fucking skin is like I love this shit. That's why I take so much care of it. On it Like it's the best, but like that definitely led to wanting to not be here.
Speaker 4:I experienced that, troy. I experienced that up to like something in my early twenties and I just really started loving my complexion Maybe, like some years ago, I hated my complexion.
Speaker 4:I hate it. Like my friends was like lie skin and expanded. My family members was lighter than me I mean, it was a couple of my complexion, but most of them were lighter than me and I hated myself and I was like I used to really feel like this when I was a kid because colorism is a real thing. You know what I mean. People make you, the black community will make you. You know, eat them, eat you up. If he was dark back in the day, oh, yeah, oh yeah, carcy charcoal.
Speaker 3:You know, you know, yeah, it was crazy.
Speaker 4:I've never heard eyes and teeth.
Speaker 3:I still get those jokes.
Speaker 4:I feel like I got more harassed with my complexion and the black community than white people. Honestly, I feel like they just knew Okay.
Speaker 1:To be fair, racist white people don't care how dark you came off the boat. That's the only reason. That's a thing. They don't care if you're darker or lighter, they might care. Oh they might. What I mean is that a nigga is a negative to them.
Speaker 3:Right yeah.
Speaker 4:But they got different levels.
Speaker 3:Well, I must say, yeah, it is known that out across the world, like darker skin is a little bit more frowned on, like literally. One of my friends is Cuban and he was saying, like most of his family over in Cuba, like actively will not try to cohabitate for like decades with dark skin people to keep their skin and their family lighter skin. So that's, that's over there. So you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:And she said the same thing. She said that her grandma needs to always treat her bad because she was darker than her sister, her sister's way lighter. It's just a thing that it's not even just. It's more, of course. It was more actions done in the white community towards black community. I mean to the black community, or my own, but but even our own people, like they treat these.
Speaker 3:We don't. All the people that say you pretty flood, dark skin girl.
Speaker 4:But Troy not big. Are you over 25?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, baby, I'm 31.
Speaker 4:Okay, I'm 31 too, so okay, so you were in that age range where you experienced that. Then, because I'm 31 too and our time going up, it wasn't, it did, but it really was like black was just coming around, like we were just getting accepted on, bought well 50 years ago, or like when it started being on MTV.
Speaker 3:That's where we started it. We added to the right channels.
Speaker 4:Okay, even though it was in a black movie. If you watch a lot of school of days, they had the brown pepper bag thing. If you weren't and that was even the AKAs if you were not the color of the paper bag or lighter, you could not get in. I don't care if you black, I don't care if you are, it's just not working and it was like that in the black community.
Speaker 2:Shout out to the people who made the paper bag yeah, I made a lot of money doing racism time. Racist time, motherfucker.
Speaker 3:You were the. You make more money.
Speaker 2:You were used for more measurement than rulers.
Speaker 4:It was a lot so like in the black community. Really be like that, you know, bring your black ass over here.
Speaker 3:You know why this came. Yeah, why can't we bring my ass over here?
Speaker 2:My grandfather was a little, I guess, colorist, because he used to treat the light skin kids better than the dark skin kids, even though he was a dark skin man, what were you?
Speaker 4:were you considered light skin or dark skin? I?
Speaker 2:don't know what the fuck I was. I'm still.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna say how he treats you.
Speaker 2:He treated me better because I was lighted.
Speaker 3:My black ass.
Speaker 2:My sister was lighter than me, a little lighter than me.
Speaker 1:My grandma was almost white.
Speaker 3:My grandma was pretty much the same complex as the wife on this.
Speaker 2:He said hey, you know, all right, you know it's great, let's have some tea real quick before we get into it, right, so I just found out, so I would. So my great aunt died three weeks ago. Right, I'm like, I'm like talk to my sister, oh yeah, I can't wait to go support and, you know, make sure you know my grandma's, okay, because her sister died and my sister I don't know what she's going through right now we go and she was like well, you know the reason why our grandfather, our real grandfather, wasn't there? Because our real grandfather slept with our great aunt.
Speaker 2:Oh, my grandma the really hate her. Oh damn, you just told my innocence. I wish you never stole it. It's hoping that she. I was all happy to go see the. I didn't want to go to the studio now, but I thought the bullshit.
Speaker 3:All of the same family bullshit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I was like damn.
Speaker 2:That's what I remind me of a man, light-skinned woman. He really loved them. A light-skinned woman.
Speaker 1:But, when it was too dark people like he was.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't like the dark skin woman. It was really bad.
Speaker 4:What's people like that? Yeah, my cousin, he likes me.
Speaker 1:I would never do they were my most beef I remember when I was younger, my first like actual series girlfriend was black and my mom, who was white at the time, she straight up told me she was like I always thought you'd be with a white girl and that was that was crazy to me because I like I wasn't racially aware until I was like probably 19 or 20, working at a 7-Eleven where I like very clearly, racist white people Like I worked in.
Speaker 1:it's like a mainly Republican area, so all the people come and it was during election season. There are white people coming in telling me that they were going to send me home when Trump gets elected. I'm like, what do you mean? And they're like, you're from like the Middle East, right. I'm like how I'm black, I am black and black black with a couple drops of white in there. I am not. Believe me.
Speaker 4:I've worked in the Dunkin Donuts at 11 years old.
Speaker 1:This man was like where are you from?
Speaker 3:And I'm like here why?
Speaker 1:And he goes no, no, no, no, no. What country is your family from? And I'm like here why? This man said oh, I thought you were from my India. I looked him dead in the face and I was so upset because I heard that All the time. I'm just like are you, are you Indian? And I'm like, nope, just black and white.
Speaker 3:I mean did you do the DNA test? I have done an ancestry test.
Speaker 1:I am literally like North England and like Wales and Ireland and then like Cameroon, congo, senegal. Like when I say black, I mean black.
Speaker 3:I say no Indian there, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:my mom used to say we were like Native American too, but that was like culturally speaking, because my uncle appreciated. Native culture we don't have a drop of like. Native.
Speaker 3:Interesting.
Speaker 2:Well, back to the cultural thing, though. We got stopped the stigmatism of therapy. Yeah, that too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't even think I gave a take on that. That show is like way too common. If somebody breaks their leg and goes to the hospital, no one is like do you really need a doctor?
Speaker 2:Do you really?
Speaker 1:need that cast? Do you really need to splint your arm for invisible illnesses and stuff? It's different, but like mental health is invisible, like you can't see it, there's no tangible way to deal with it.
Speaker 3:Especially for black parents. I mean, I wouldn't even say like.
Speaker 1:if anything, I would say that black elders are like that because white elders were like that and worse, like black parents who beat their kids.
Speaker 3:they did it because their grandparents beat them their grandparents might beat people because their grandparents were literally beat by slavery, To be a black kid and tell your mom or daddy you depressed For what you eating. Right, you got a roof over your head, right, and it's like there's the whole. Like I've gotten that before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's all. What we don't realize is black people is that it's cross-cultural. All of that shit comes from white people treating black people, but then they go to therapy, which is wild.
Speaker 1:A lot of them don't. There are, like I think, the highest suicidality rate of any group is middle-aged white men in their late 30s up to like mid 40s. I think that's like one of the highest suicide rate groups, and they typically tend to be the ones that are most drug addicted. They tend to be the ones who are getting divorced the most and that's where, like suicidality and mental health stigma is highest, because they again they experienced it from their grandparents who didn't value therapy. Again, my mom is white.
Speaker 1:I got lucky because my brother had mental health issues before I did. He's eight years older than me, so she saw like okay, being mean to like mentally ill children does not work. You have to like seek better alternatives. But there are a lot of white people, even to this day, who deal with that shit from their parents because their parents didn't believe ADHD was real. I was coming out of a Wawa the other day and I didn't hear the whole conversation, unfortunately, but it was like a middle-aged white dude walking out of the Wawa going oh, they didn't have any of that ADHD back then, did they? It's like we didn't have the diagnostic criteria.
Speaker 3:There wasn't a word for it, motherfucker People still had autism.
Speaker 1:People still had OCD, People still had ADHD. We just didn't have the criteria to diagnose it yet and people don't realize time is not like everything is not happening. Now Time happens and ABCDE order and they forget about the ABCDE and they're just like F Fuck.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's wild.
Speaker 3:It's a lot of people and just to hop back from the take it out of the cultural part. But just from my own experience in the black community, it's a lot of black people that I've come across in my life. I think also we make it a joke the short-term students are taking them to classes and stuff like that. There are people who clearly, very obviously have you know what I'm saying a mix of deficiency. It doesn't always come off as because again, that's like shit, I got ADHD, I can articulate myself, but not everybody can articulate themselves and still have you know that, still has it.
Speaker 3:So it's like you come across people who obviously could have benefited from some help younger but the parents never did anything about it, not out in the world by themselves, or made up or shit about it. And it's just like I don't know, because I have a cousin you know what I'm saying and clearly like there's a mental thing there. Sometimes if you sit with him a little bit for a minute, it's like okay, you know, and it's not to stigmatize him or anything like that, because that's my nigga, I'll talk to him anytime. But like I have seen people actively ignore him or try not to carry a conversation with him and stuff like that. And so that's what it breeds for adults Like you have these adults who never got this help going through this thing that they can't even fully understand or find them, and they feel like they're trying to be normal. You know what I'm saying, for lack of a better term. You know what I'm saying to try and fit in and it just fucking sucks.
Speaker 2:It does, but let's go to the last part. I'm going to add this part since we we did get a few more viewers. I think this would be a good exit. So are who? Anybody here thinks they're a good friend? Y'all good friends or y'all shitty?
Speaker 3:friends.
Speaker 2:I'm fucking amazing.
Speaker 3:I've been a shitty friend before, but I think I'm a really good friend right now.
Speaker 2:We're going to go through a couple things on how to be a good friend that help mitigate the suicide risk. So first one is active listening. You know what that is right?
Speaker 3:Sometimes that's actively listening. It's right there to where actively listening, listening not to respond, but listening to listen.
Speaker 2:And then, um, what next one is encourage professional help. A lot of times somebody like yo bro, it's going to work out, don't worry about it. Nah, therapy my guy.
Speaker 3:But it's also how you say shit too. If that's part of being a good friend knowing how to talk to your friend, knowing, like, if I say this, how are they going to? Like some people they touch you? In general, it's always going to be no matter what the fuck you say to them, but like, if you really give a fuck and you know you got to say some real shit to them, don't just be like a nigga. It's time for therapy, it's like all right. So lately, you know I've been noticing some stuff. Bro, you need some help. You talk to somebody. I saw this site, like you know, free therapy. You know like something, like something. You know what I'm saying? It's, there's a way, I think, to bring shit up like that with a friend. I love one in general.
Speaker 4:So once it is, it's right, the way you say things does matter.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 4:That's true, that's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think if you also be like so.
Speaker 2:A lot of times we all think in right or wrong or weak or strong, and we think in these, like these, like what do you call it? Opposites, like I can't think of the word right now, it's just not. It's not like a good way of thinking about it. In my opinion, I think we should do like appropriate, inappropriate Someone's talking to me like things. Some things are appropriate, some things are inappropriate for certain situations and a lot of things we think all right if I got to go to therapy. There's something wrong with me, for all you know. You could. You just need mental maintenance, and that's how I look at it. Troy, let's say, you make it your big time podcaster. You're using a lot more of your mental strength, so you definitely need some mental maintenance Even if things are going great you should still go to therapy.
Speaker 3:I mean I am an advocate for it but I do personally. I do like my own, like introspective work and stuff like that, journaling, a lot of spiritual work and just you know things like that. But like I am an advocate for therapy because not everybody can go through those things Like I mentioned. You know, not everybody can do that themselves. Not everybody has that introspective. Some people need somebody to kind of guide that for them. I help them kind of see those things and make them out. So I definitely am an advocate for therapy but also just as a good friend. Sometimes you can be a therapist. To round that back out, that's part of being a good friend, I think.
Speaker 1:So I think that's a hard line to draw, only because, like I don't think everybody like therapy will not work for everyone. It's just not the way that every single person is going to process stuff. But, like therapy typically comes with like not only are you able to dump to someone who's going to sit and actively listen to you, record everything, they're also going to come up with, like, typically, game plans for you to get through it and move forward in a way that's based on their professional experience, based on their education and then based on, like their prior clients and things they've had to witness as therapists. For me, like, there's one friend who pretty consistently comes to me about like his relationship troubles, stuff like that, and I have to be like pretty hard on him because he has had a lot of other friends who were like, yes, men, so like he was going through a breakup and his like mindset for it is like well, what did she do? What did she do? What did she do? And then she got in a conversation like yo, shut up, look in the mirror for a second, and even if she did everything wrong, she cheated on you, she stole money from you, she like got pregnant and aborted the kid without your knowledge, not even like telling you, like it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:If all of this happened, what can you learn, take from the experience and then use to grow as a person? He didn't have this kind of like compass at all For me. I can do that for people because it's something I enjoy doing. I like to like, I like to logically think through things myself. I'm a very intellectual person where I won't necessarily come at it from like an emotional perspective within myself, but I'll think like what are the steps to get through it? When someone comes to me and I can provide that, that feels good to me. But for a lot of people, if you're asking them to be like the shoulder to cry on, that'll be like their limit, that'll be like the furthest that they can go, cause it's like look, I don't know what you should do, I don't know the way out, I don't know what you have to do, moving forward, I don't know how to make this better for you.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I'm not the type like the give solutions. I'm not the right person to like the cry on. I will do my best to listen. We going out to eat or something. You know what I mean. I'm not the best.
Speaker 1:I mean that's, that's good, though that's not at all a bad thing. Oh, can I? Can I please respond to this comment first?
Speaker 3:Oh, let's say, yeah, I got. I was that friend once before and I've had those friends before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this is the thing about it. Those people don't really want advice. They want to feel heard, they want to feel understood and they want you to feel like. They want to feel like you understand where they're coming from. They don't necessarily want to go through like all the like okay, well, what do I need to do to fix it? For the most part, they would ask for that kind of thing, but a lot of people just need to get it out of their system and then, whether or not they do something about it, that's not your responsibility. Like it might feel like it. It might feel like am I a good friend If I just like, let them cry it out, but don't tell them no, you're not.
Speaker 3:No good friend. But that's not, I would say, a good friend is going to let you keep doing bullshit. So you're going to say, like, because I've had friends where I'm like all right, it's only so much. I'm going to keep talking about this situation because I don't have nothing else to say.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say a good friend wouldn't let you go to the bullshit. A better friend would recognize their role and not stopping it, but being someone that they can consistently come to. If a woman's in like an abusive relationship, she goes to her friends and they're like look, you're still with him, don't talk to me, that's. Is that a good friend? Because she keeps going back to the guy and they're tired of it Like no, because they're making it worse. They abandoned her, they refused to talk to her, refused to listen to her. Now the only person that listens to her, talks to her, is the person she's stuck with. So are they being good friends by cutting themselves off from that relationship? I would say fuck no. Um, um, um um um.
Speaker 4:Not really saying anything to it. Um, with Dill just said, but we're applying back to what she said. I have been one of those friends you know, and I feel like we all have them one at one point where it's like it could be in a relationship where you know that it's time to move on or it's time to go. When you know people, you just want to express yourself and you want to hear the advice, but you're not going to do anything because you're not ready. Sometimes people are just not ready for the change but, like Candelle said, they need to get it out and it gets overwhelming. So you have to see if you are ready for that, because people keep coming to you about the same old thing.
Speaker 4:I was one of those friends keep crying about the same thing but not making changes, because I only just wanted to cry it out, I only just wanted to talk it out.
Speaker 4:But people would change at the right time, you know, and it's good sometimes to be an active listener and I fell at that because I always want to give some advice, I always want to give my two cents, I always want to help somebody see things differently and change, and it's like I'm very aggressive to my friends, but very passionate. I cry, I weep, put you all of that. But I'm pushy and I need sometimes I don't know my limits. I you got fall back because I want to see you excel, I want to see you do better, I want to see you off the space. I don't want you to be suicidal or emotionally unstable. So I keep pushing, pushing, pushing. But I have been that friend who, like I'm telling you, but I ain't doing nothing about it, and there you go back and again and you get frustrated Cause you love those people. But maybe just try, like you know what, pray about it and just sit back and just let him speak.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I will let you know I don't have anything necessarily new to say. If I don't have anything new to say, I think, I think what.
Speaker 1:Jamar said, is perfect. If somebody comes to you, they're like yo, I'm in a depression, I don't know what the fuck to do about it. They consistently deal with that. Be the person to take them out for lunch. Be the person to go out to like dinner with them. Be like yo, I'm gonna pick you up. Like every single hold that I've been in, there's been like maybe two people inconsistently who have been that person for me, but in those situations it's been like the absolute best thing that I could have done was just go sit with somebody, eat some good food and then have conversations not about the problems and not even about what to do about the problems, but just about life, feeling like you're experiencing something with someone who cares about you. That by itself can pull people off the ledge and I don't think enough people realize that. Like they'll be in the DMs or whatever. Let me know if you need anything. No, don't fucking say let me know if you need anything?
Speaker 1:Tell me what you can do yeah, tell me what you are willing to do, tell me what you can do.
Speaker 2:That's what I have to do. I don't do the. Let me know I'm getting a Nala Margaritas.
Speaker 1:That's unironically, completely unironically. That is literally the best thing you can do for someone. Often Mm-hmm why you never did it for me. Girl, I ain't got a car in how long.
Speaker 4:I'm just playing.
Speaker 1:I don't even go outside right now.
Speaker 4:I'm in my vehicle, I'm playing. I just wanted to reply back to what she wrote and thank you. And grace is very important and people don't understand. Grace is like what you need to give and some people are not built like that. I used to also, when I talked to my friends, I would pour all this stuff on them, tell them what I was going through.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 4:Not all my friends and some. There was one particular one. She couldn't take it, but she would be going through the same thing or worse, and when she poured on me, she expected me to be the way I expected her to be for me. And it's like some people can handle they can't handle yourself, they only can handle their own stuff, and it seems to be selfish but some people just literally can. It's like I can't take it, I can't deal with that, or they don't have a response. You sit there, pour your heart out and you're like hello, I'm still there, right? Oh yeah, I'm here. You all right, bro? I just sat there and I just told you how I felt and you didn't say anything.
Speaker 3:But if you did that 12, 15 times, 30 times, I'm like I'm excited. I love you. Do it like you know what I'm saying. I don't lie, like I think on the phone is the worst way you can.
Speaker 2:one of the worst ways you can communicate about bad feelings is because, like you need to be out and you need to be in the moment with that person. It's so many distractions when you're on the phone. It's not a really good way to communicate all I think it's not.
Speaker 1:I think that's also. That is a choice. If you're on the phone with somebody and you can't just be on the phone with them, you gotta be doing this, you gotta be doing that, like, if I'm on the phone with somebody, I typically like I'll end up off of my computer and everything, just walking around.
Speaker 2:That's the best way you can do it Go for a walk on the phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's where I'll be, but if I'm like on the phone and like multitasking, I'll usually let them know like hey, I'm listening but like I'm not gonna be like super engaged so you can just vent.
Speaker 1:But I'll make that super clear A lot of people are scared to like communicate that. Now, same friend that I mentioned that I like try to like help out with a lot of his emotional stuff. He straight up told me that he thought it was some cuck shit to tell somebody that he no longer needed their assistance after requesting it and not getting a reply. I'm like bro, you don't know what type of stuff like he's going through what he's experiencing on his end. Just send him a message and be like yo I know I asked you for help last week. I'm just letting you know I'm good now. That's not like immature, it's not weak, it's the mature thing to do to just say like yo look, I know I was waiting on a reply from you, but I'm just letting you know I no longer need the reply and then that's weight off the chest, right there.
Speaker 2:Yep, I really I would appreciate that too. Like I think, especially guy to guy, we got to start communicating. Yo, we are okay, we just we need some time. I think, like respect privacy For me when I'm sad and when I'm down. I'm a very introverted man. I need my privacy, and so many people who try to push into it already take it personally why I'm not calling them if I'm like sad. I just sometimes need my privacy to sort of through.
Speaker 2:I'm not the type of person that can go drink real quick and like all right, I'm good, I got my mind off it. If the problem's still there when I get back, I'm gonna keep thinking about it until I get rid of the problem.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna say the men. That just made me think about it. I think I brought it up, though, but they always make me go back to it. Men don't necessarily know how to talk about shit, so it's just like the woman who was like trans and, you know, got her transition or whatever. She's a man now. She's like I hate, like guys don't talk about anything. It's so.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, that's all I got.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she's like, I've been like it's sad been, don't talk about anything, and I was like, yeah, but I think it just depends on you know again, environment too, because I have like a lot of straight friends and stuff like that. They can hold fucking conversations, but I have to be honest.
Speaker 1:I have to be honest.
Speaker 2:You guys are awful at conversation Are you saying straight men normally can't hold conversations.
Speaker 1:Not genuine, open, emotionally vulnerable conversations? Hell, no, not in the, not in the million dollar world.
Speaker 3:Thank you, yes.
Speaker 4:See, he was just doing it right there avoiding Jamar. He just was doing it. So you saying that, straight men, avoidance, that's what y'all do, a lot of avoidance, and it's like you pull a T just to get some audio.
Speaker 2:It's like we definitely do, man, I think like I'm begging you to express yourself.
Speaker 4:to me it's sometimes hard like all right.
Speaker 2:It's good for you to be like yo. Can you please express yourself to me, because at the end of the day, I was the type of guy I really believe no one can fuck. You're just doing a polite thing. They be like yo how you feel? I'm feeling bad. Okay, I hope you feel better. You just asked me just to be polite, nigga. You did not give a fuck about me.
Speaker 4:You can kind of tell Some people do think that and some people really don't care, and that's a lot of people who care. I'm one of those who really care and people don't, I'm gonna put it on the screen.
Speaker 3:I just wanna hear it for.
Speaker 4:Goss and again I grew up in like that's another thing too.
Speaker 2:I grew up in like a household where, like people, my family generally to this point I don't even go to holidays 90% of my family I do not see If they see this podcast right now and they heard this. I hope they do. I know 90% of them don't. No, 90% of you don't care With new success. You all wanna talk to me and get all on my side and maybe get a little bit of the glow or wherever the fuck you want. I don't care. But like, at the end of the day, like they ask you at these fake family function, oh, how you doing. Oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you, just to say it.
Speaker 1:Just to check the box. I mean, I don't wanna be clear. If somebody like, if they even make that step, I appreciate that a lot more than the people who don't. But it also matters what they do with the information, if they take that information and then run to like, oh, did you hear? He's only doing this for work. Now he's not. He's still not at school, blah, blah, blah, blah Like that just happens.
Speaker 2:My mom does that. Yo no offense to my mom.
Speaker 3:That's why you gotta.
Speaker 2:My mom will always don't do anything embarrassing to my mom within the next two minutes. The whole family knows.
Speaker 4:I've been seeing them memes. It's like when you tell your mom. It was a meme that David's like when you tell your mom a secret, you telling her to tell her to buy it, and then it was like NBC, abc news outside of her your mom, how was the front of the microphone Like? This is all these news reports. It was so funny.
Speaker 2:Yo, it really be like that. Like yo, mom, you a hater. And then if you whistle down a lane, so the story gets more and more extreme, the more people that you tell to oh man, what, yeah, it goes from.
Speaker 3:it was like this other one that I had to laugh. It happened to me before. Like with you, like the moment, you like, maybe call yourself standing up to your mom, or something like that, and they call everybody like act like you just whooped her ass or something.
Speaker 1:And she was like I came to live with it.
Speaker 3:I called 15 people losing their breath came breathing and shit and all you said was like no. I was like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2:But let's go with this one too. I think this was one of the most underrated good devices that I started. I started doing some of these so encourage healthy habits. A lot of us, especially Troy encourages sex and drugs.
Speaker 1:That's a really bad interpretation of what he was saying.
Speaker 3:I think that's a really bad interpretation.
Speaker 1:I'm like, wow, fuck, I think, if anything he was saying if you like, have that's like on your horizon.
Speaker 4:No, he's saying go through it, Go ahead and do it. Everybody need to experience. We supposed to say we did it. You know we've been there down, that We've come to see you something different.
Speaker 1:So it's like, it's like, it's like. You know what they say. Y'all gotta stop this madness.
Speaker 4:No, that's the most part of the story Don't try this at home. That was Jamar and I said he said try this at home. That was like yeah, for your worth, yeah, make sure you do this before you get between All right, encourage physical activities.
Speaker 2:So, troy, you might be right with the sex part.
Speaker 1:Healthy eating. I feel like dancing and adequate sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then what you can improve mental health? I think physical activities. So I was heated like last three weeks. I was very heated, I was very, in a very bad spot mentally and I did some physical labor and listen, I felt great at the word by physical labor, not what you're thinking, man.
Speaker 3:But I'm just picture like fucking cared about boxes and shit, amazon, I was like damn that made you feel I did that.
Speaker 2:So I stepped away from my desk and I literally just helped put up a bunch of boxes and it helped me like get my mind back, cause I was just outraged. That makes sense I was pissed.
Speaker 1:But also like working out the angry.
Speaker 2:Helps like my most healthiest I need to know I've been is when I was like depressed or angry, just using all that negative I'm fucking nuts I'm gonna get out of the gym.
Speaker 3:But I could agree. I'm just like shit.
Speaker 4:So, jamar, when you're angry, are you really like calm, tempered, like you are? Like when you talking on here, like yeah, I'm angry, like can people tell you're angry or they can't?
Speaker 2:Not it like. It's like a. It's a complete switch. It's like I go from a cool breeze to like a fucking hurricane.
Speaker 4:Just me sometimes.
Speaker 2:And you're like this guy is gonna kill us all.
Speaker 1:You don't know, I'm angry until it's too late.
Speaker 2:That's my still.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm angry until it's too late.
Speaker 3:I don't know Exactly, you know, I'll say, for me my physical thing was yoga and dancing. I recently started getting into working out, like the past few years, but like yoga, I've danced on my whole, like my whole life. I come from dancing family and shit, so we always dance. But I'm dancing.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I just dance in general, mostly like hip hop, but you know like I can Wait, wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 1:I need you to follow that. Why don't you just say that dance is sus? Please tell me. I heard that. No, no, no.
Speaker 2:I'm gay, I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1:No, y'all need to hold him to this question. Why is dancing sus? Go ahead, I don't like dancing.
Speaker 2:Because man, not you, A straight man should be working, not dancing. Oh well, there you go.
Speaker 3:You asked the joke. Ok, what was the first thing?
Speaker 2:that slaves did when they were free.
Speaker 1:Somebody tell me the very first thing that African-American slaves did when they were set up, like they were notified that they were free.
Speaker 4:They was bored. They had nothing else to do. They had no choice today. They had nothing to do with the market.
Speaker 1:Guys. That's the point. That's the point. The reason you dance is to express yourself, this man said. If you want to express yourself, work your job more. This is the problem.
Speaker 3:This is the problem. See, this is the next week's God damn, holy shit.
Speaker 1:You thought I was a stripper dancer or something, some guy was trying to express himself and how he felt.
Speaker 2:And the guy was like well, why aren't you working? Don't bring your whole mental health down. Family I'm not going to say family which family member left and ran away from the household? He's having a whole life issue. And the guy was like well, don't bring your work into work, Don't bring your stress into work, or whatever.
Speaker 3:God damn.
Speaker 2:Pretty much that shut up and go pack a box.
Speaker 1:I think that's like one of the biggest problems Even your employers will be like make sure you separate the personal from the professional. And it's like, yeah, I will. I'm going to compartmentalize it, but when? One of those boxes pours over into the other. I don't want to hear nothing about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or watch my face. My fists are going to be mixed up in your face.
Speaker 1:That's just the salt.
Speaker 2:If it happened, I was like damn, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:I don't know my hand just took over itself.
Speaker 2:Look, it's that right Damn. They're nice at my facility. Oh yeah, I know why they're nice at your facility, Cheyanna, I know exactly which Amazon you're at. I even know the complete evil backstory of your Amazon. I'm going to tell you that. I'm going to tell you that.
Speaker 3:I'm going to stop you right there myself.
Speaker 2:I know exactly what happened to her. I know everything that happened.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh. She about that. She about to say what happened next. She about to put all these question marks Like how much it is.
Speaker 2:When you go on HR, like for corporate, like big corporations. You know so much, I even know I am like I'm grateful.
Speaker 3:I know Cheyanna.
Speaker 2:I know where, like I know where she works at. I know where her labor is. I know how she's doing her job. For each day I can search all of them.
Speaker 4:I even know that our friend.
Speaker 2:I even know Cheyanna's friend that she probably hasn't talked to in a while Damn he airs this Exactly Erin Manchin at the job she's at. She about to sign out right now, I know so much.
Speaker 4:I know this is really I know so much Go Lattee.
Speaker 2:I want to tell you in person we're going to go to Applebee's and get these up. One dollar margaritas. Wow, I'm getting out, wow, okay. Do a whole oh damn, a whole informant.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that was.
Speaker 4:He was just right, yeah, man.
Speaker 1:Nia was like oh, I don't want to tell you all where I'm working right now.
Speaker 2:And then he's just like she works at Amazon.
Speaker 1:She works in store number 369. Oh shit, they are what.
Speaker 2:I can always look up Nia where you work at.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but this don't talk about it. Okay, you can just put it in our group chat.
Speaker 2:I got so funny, it's funny because, like HR people know HR people and no one understands this.
Speaker 4:It's true, that's a whole no.
Speaker 2:We have a secret HR like network we don't talk about.
Speaker 4:It probably got like literally stopped right now.
Speaker 2:I know what you did at work.
Speaker 4:Oh my God, I do suppose it he and he and manufacturer, and he talked to a medical person. But I know what you did at that hospital Like what, Like wait are you? I thought you wasn't hard and he don't know all of the medical stuff, that's probably funny.
Speaker 2:But not that, not that tantrum so far. But I know for sure, being the Marine Corps, so you don't remember this that you guys had a permanent record and then someone told you that was a lie. It's not a lie. You all have a record Until you're finished high school. That goes into like a government record. But if you go to Marines they can actually get that government record and I'll know about your whole childhood. Damn. But especially with like high-level security clearances, they got to know about your whole childhood.
Speaker 1:They're gonna still put you on.
Speaker 4:Nobody want to know well, no even when, I wasn't.
Speaker 1:I was actually in the pool for the Marines until I got medically disqualified. I remember like the process of getting, like the clearances and stuff you had to have, like your past few addresses, you needed references that you've known for at least ten years. You needed at least three of them like they. You needed a lot just on the surface, let alone what they wanted.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they'll research your parents and if your parents have done any crimes, you can't get certain security care inches. If your parents parents did any crimes, if your parents, siblings, did any crimes, so like you got a diamond smuggling your family motherfucker Great access. I really just gave my dad name. To be honest, I shouldn't have just did that, I should have said that cuz my dad, literally stop.
Speaker 3:I feel like you are saying he did.
Speaker 4:I'm not the in there, so thank you guys for coming and watching and no, Thank you for my informant.
Speaker 2:Next episode is gonna be Jamar tells everyone's business.
Speaker 3:I.
Speaker 4:Hope you, you know, you hear me going.
Speaker 2:It wasn't. It wasn't suicide guys, I got they, they picked me. But I think last thing we can say is this right, offer support button, don't offer solutions. A Lot of times people be like yo, this is wrong with me, do this.
Speaker 3:I'll say offer both. It's a balance, right? I mean, some people do just want to talk, but sometimes some people do want help. So offer both. Like you know I'm saying, have that conversation and give like the it's gonna be good. You know I'm saying, but then you know, at some point learn that balance of it's gonna be good to okay. So we'll be doing next this you, you know, if you got a friend that like does artistic shit, encourage them to do that. You know I'm saying, our friend, I live, just not that. You know, like somebody who Might want to travel or something like hey, you've been saving up. You know, have you been able, you know, just like encourage things about them that they want to do it? Like, and that's part of like the steps, like yeah, do you guys know that?
Speaker 1:you guys know the golden rule?
Speaker 3:was it I want to say yeah.
Speaker 1:Have you ever heard of the platinum rule?
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, people have. They want to be treated, not how like you would want to be treated, so it depends who you're talking to. If somebody comes to you and they're like yeah, look, I'm in my bag right now. Hey, you cuz or don't sit there trying to fucking give them a whole prognosis for the future. But somebody is like what am I supposed to do right now? They might not even want the support, they might want you to hit them over the head with a game plan. You just adjust to who you're talking to I.
Speaker 2:See exactly what you're saying. Because, like I wouldn't want you to treat me how you treat you, if you treat yourself, horrible too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like treatment treat you how I want to be treated shit. I Got a list.
Speaker 2:But with that that's a good ending. But anything I want to say to the crowd Journal, do more journaling.
Speaker 3:Everybody get a notebook. You don't have to write in it every fucking day. Just whenever you have a second to yourself, write some. Now, sometimes it might take 10, 15 years to fill up a notebook because you probably only writing in it once or twice a week. That's okay. You can write two lines and the motherfucking the point is to express yourself and at some point you can kind of it helps track patterns and how you think and stuff like that. Like Go back and look at some of those things. So Journal if you can. You totally fucking shit. Oh, I mean, I'm we saying like our last little like?
Speaker 4:I'm Thank you.
Speaker 3:Like are we doing? Like our last? Like you know, introduction or not introduction, but like follow shit closing statements. Yeah, closing statements All right so yeah also love journal and man of horror. Horror like scare movie like not horror like horse, you know.
Speaker 2:We think maybe one button, you know in the past, not anymore.
Speaker 3:I've. I've grown.
Speaker 4:Like I no longer drug use in slot boy is that a fan in front of you or your microphone?
Speaker 1:Oh, I never saw that it's actually, it's the same brand as mine really.
Speaker 4:Why does it look like a fan, though from my back I thought you were like.
Speaker 3:I couldn't talk me see that.
Speaker 4:When you saw it's going skincare, I'm like his name is sitting in front of the fan. This entire time I thought you're air, whatever, okay, okay. So I definitely agree with Troy, you definitely should journal. Um, if you are connected any type of way, like if you ever really shoot with God, definitely go to God, pray about Whatever you're going through, take it to die, you know, if no one's listening, trust me, god is always listening. So that's something I would say, because you will get in spaces where some people can't answer the phone at 3 am, some people won't text you back, some people you can't, things are closed. You know you don't want to call suicide hotline because you don't want to get turned in. So you know, go see your knees, pray to God. He's going to answer you and just sit there and wait and be patient. That's the best thing I can give you. That.
Speaker 3:I don't know if another man ever felt like but you know, sometimes I don't think your stage Ал Sure.
Speaker 1:Well, let's just see si. Let's just check out Naaya School. What are they like? I, we can just get started. They put a w jeden. They are doesn't mean like oh well, I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now. Nobody knows, doesn't matter if they're a billionaire running Twitter into the ground or if they're a homeless guy banging trash cans to like entertain people.
Speaker 4:No one has any idea what they're doing and the entire reason that you're here myself as a non-religious person is to figure out why you're here, and that applies to everyone.
Speaker 1:What are you supposed to do with the brief life that you've been?
Speaker 4:given.
Speaker 1:What choices are you going to make? And then, when you die, what is the kind of person that you'll be remembered? As those are the most important things, and if you're not happy with the person, you would be like remembered as right now. If you died tomorrow, then you just owe it to yourself and the world itself to do better.
Speaker 4:That's really like my take on all that.
Speaker 1:Anyway, you all can follow me on Instagram at Afro Mortis. This is AFRO M-O-R-T-I-S. I'll follow me on twitchtv slash Afro Mortis and you can follow both Naya and myself over on our podcast as the culture turns where. We drop culture conversations every Thursday and we'll be expanding the show soon too Well.
Speaker 2:with that being said, guys, my last thing is do your best.
Speaker 1:We don't need to go to work.
Speaker 3:Literally go to fucking pick up the boxes right now.
Speaker 2:Nah, but you only live one life. Take advantage of it. Live like it's your only life, because many of us are just making choices like we have a million lives. But if you lived every day like it was going to be that only one day, you'll probably do a lot more in your life. And so much can change in a day if you add as much value to the day and even if you could do one thing a day that makes you happy. That was my resolution last year or this year, and it has changed my life. And just creating good memories create a lot of good first memories. I think that's a big thing as well. Don't be an informant like Jamar. And also, thank you for watching the Meet and Get O channel, the Meet and Get O podcast, this podcast live. May name may change, I don't know how the hell I keep get. I got like four podcasts like Troy. At this point I'm just producing.
Speaker 1:In conclusion, Yolo and Living Like Larry.
Speaker 2:All right guys, peace out. Boy Scout, Girl Scout, Thumb Scout, Bye.
Speaker 3:What the fuck is a Thumb Scout?