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Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
Support the Medium Ghetto Movement
Funds allow us to consistently create great content.
We also have a vision of "Medium Ghetto Game Nights" in a city near you.
Message of us for topics and possible guest appearance.
Follow us on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/mediumghettopodcast/
Sponsor
Lost in The Sauce Hot Sauce Company
https://www.instagram.com/lostinthesauce_llc/
https://lostinthesauce.store/
Co-Host IG
Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
All right, what's going on, gang? Welcome to the medium ghetto podcast. Was your host Jamar? Instead, we got a special episode we have. Was it like a triple crossover? We got like three podcasts. So, introduce yourself and what podcast you're from.
Speaker 2:You know, I made a star.
Speaker 1:Yes, please.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm Kendall Simmons, aka afro mortis. I'm a poet, activist, gamer and one of the co-hosts over it as the culture turns.
Speaker 1:Who.
Speaker 3:It's true.
Speaker 4:So yeah, my name is Troy. I host Two podcasts. One is love general and I've been like on medium ghetto like what. Two, three times We've done a little joint episodes. Yeah, all right, I'm release show. And then I'm also a host of man of horror and I Emphasize horror because scary movies I have an accent. People always think I'm saying man of horse and I'm just like nice. I mean okay, but like.
Speaker 3:All right, I'm sorry, but my name is Nya. I go by Nya underscore Rose, so Nya Rose. I'm also co-host from as the culture turns as well, and I have a little bit things going for myself as well. I have a pulpit line, I have a Alonzo rayman and I also I write that's it.
Speaker 1:And Y'all guys know about me, I'm the owner, well, co-owner. Now, at this point, from what is it called, my god, lawson sauce, hot sauce?
Speaker 1:Lawson street food on a medium ghetto channel. I Do a pretty much introvert, pretty much that. Anyways, let me roll this good old track real quick. Let's play this funky music, yo, it's medium ghetto intelligence, her conversation. So once you come, hang with the game relatable topics from coming up To the nonsense that all come along with these days, from chestnuts a champion, recover all in what lattice or what you come, grab you a seat, also a pillow. You know that we medium ghetto and nothing can even compete. Alright, I hope y'all like my track right there I was.
Speaker 1:You know I got intro and outro, but we're gonna start with a triggering, a triggering out icebreaker. Okay, let's see what we got here. Wait, let me see real quick. This is the beginning. Who could read that? For me, I can't read.
Speaker 3:Mean, and then am I one.
Speaker 1:All right, I want to read the whole thing I.
Speaker 2:Got it, so I always had struggles with this. What does it mean to be a man? I was always an introverted person, never really felt like a stereotypical man, as my interests were nerdy stuff from games to philosophy and whatnot but didn't fit the mold. I wasn't ambitious, I was shy and easily demoralized, so I was easily bullied too. Let me read the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I.
Speaker 2:My family, other than telling me to man up, doesn't really do anything about it. They think that if I go to the police, academy will be better. But I don't want to go to the academy because policing isn't for me. But they don't care what I want and take full advantage that I am 19. I don't know yet what I want to do in life. I fell my first police exam a month ago and my driving exam a week ago.
Speaker 2:For a month straight I've been feeling depressed. I barely get out of bed because I don't see a point in my work for the academy. I Skip meals. I stopped working out for a month and I am more hung or more angry. Despite trying my best to be stoic, I think I have anger management issues, even though I believed I was done with it. My family doesn't support me for anything. They don't. They don't want to tell me this writer. I don't know if their English is their first language. My family doesn't support me for anything. They don't want and tell me to man up. But what the hell is a man supposed to be? I feel lost, like I don't belong, and stuck to my home because I obviously have to take care of my family, because that's the right thing to do, isn't it? I don't know anymore.
Speaker 1:Hmm, which I'll think about that.
Speaker 4:Oh, somebody thinks I'm gonna say first off, I obviously think a man is someone who defines himself, so more so I think his biggest issue is just trying to find that definition in other people and let his family tell him what it's supposed to be. When this is like it's something I feel like you have to come to yourself and that's it's not. It's nothing that anybody can necessarily say to you or whatever To put you on that path. I mean, they can Say little things here and there, but it's different for everybody. I think, right like I mean it's probably Common things as far as I even should take care of his family, but I don't think that's necessarily just a man thing. You know it should take care of your family man I'm, so I don't know.
Speaker 4:I think he should be trying to find that within himself and not look for Because also, even being 19 like that'll mean you don't know who you are. Honestly, I think we know who we are, the youngest we are, so you know exactly what you want, you know exactly who you are. I like it.
Speaker 1:Also like I was reading. So I've been. I got like a really social job, some introvert. I got a really social social job in the last two years and Some things. They've been pulling some things out of me. I don't like you know, I'm saying it's the most professional way I can say it and I was looking more into it, going a little bit of therapy, and I found out that, like I'm more so, I'm a hyper sensitive person. I ain't saying I'm empath, I'm believing that right at this moment, my impact empathy and empaths at this moment. But I'm hyper sensitive, meaning like I take in a lot of detail in a time I think deeply about it and like I don't take certain things like Like I don't take certain things well, like criticism or like conflict. I hate conflict because I get over with stimulated. You know I mean things like that. I work a human resources, so all I deal with is what conflict?
Speaker 4:Yeah, no like.
Speaker 1:With that being said, like my point is this like stoicism? I think stoicism sometimes can be the wrong way of looking at being a man and I got one dude that made him beef all the time at work because he always doing like the store beliefs. I'm more so carefree and I hate conflict and I won't make conflict if I don't got to make conflict. You know, sam, what we bring me there. I might slap the shouting, but I don't want to be there. I.
Speaker 4:Want to have to, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do that.
Speaker 4:That's hard.
Speaker 3:Wait, so we all get the same time right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Okay. So I definitely agree with you. I'm gonna still speak about this post right here but I do agree with you. I'm the same way. I don't like conflict. I try to avoid it any way I can because I get, I'm very emotional and I sometimes lose sight of my emotions and I make the wrong decisions, so I don't Respond really well with it.
Speaker 3:As far as in this guy right here, it do seem like he got a lot of stuff going on. It's not, I can't say he's running from being a man, but he is 19 and 19 year old. They still like kids to me, like he's not. He's a little boy in my eyes, honestly, and I feel like he do got a lot of things going on emotionally. And also I feel like his parent, his family Probably are putting pressure on him, but the same time they just want him to make something out of himself and he may not see himself the way that his parents see him and his family see him, so he think that he can't do something where they see the potential in him or it's not really that much. Maybe it is potential, is not potential, or maybe they just know that he's lazy and he don't do much, so nobody want to push you and they try to send him away to some like Police and type of thing to bring structure.
Speaker 3:Maybe I don't really know, but I do understand when it feels like I feel lost. I don't know what decision to make. Because if you go back when we were 18 or 19 years old, what we didn't even know who we were, honestly, and we didn't know what we want to do or what path we were gonna follow. I mean we think we did, but most of the things I said I was gonna do a high school and elementary. When they said, what do you want to do when you get older? I'm not never been at what I actually said I was gonna be. So it takes a lot. So he probably gonna struggle with this for a little while, because I'm in my 30s and I still struggle with like dang, what career path or what should I do, you know?
Speaker 1:so that's, that's not good answer, but let's stop real quick. Now what you said at first before you. You said something about his past. It sound like you hit people. You said I sound like I what you sound like you hit people a little bit, how you describe.
Speaker 3:Me too. It would take a lot for me to hit somebody the body, but I do respond irrationally sometimes when you take me there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I got a really really either trigger me or you got a really keep my.
Speaker 1:And then boom, so they would, they deserve.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say that I more or less I agree with Naya basically. So I think like the worst of anxiety and the worst of like any identity crisis any person could have, especially at the age of 19, comes from living a life in congruent with your earlier expectations. So, like she said, if you're like a kid, you're like 7th, 8th grade. For me, like my big thing was like I want to be a movie director, I want to like write books and like tell stories and stuff. You can't really like dive into a job that gives you that kind of opportunity, like immediately upon exiting school. So of course, you're gonna have a lot of anxiety, like who am I supposed to be? One of my supposed to do?
Speaker 2:I think an issue is that there, I don't even want to say there's a lot more pressure on men to do that, but the way people respond to it with men is like a lot different. The the whole idea of like manning up or like boys don't cry. Men are just pushed to deal with it either on their own or, yeah, almost always just on their own. They have to just figure it out. If you don't figure it out, whatever happens happens. But I mean there's a reason like men's Suicidality rate is higher. Yeah, I don't want to take up just too much time on this part, because there's a lot of good stuff I want to get to in here.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I love that answer. Let's get it. So let's talk about this, about the crowned diversity of modern mass masculinity, because we know what states have changed socially well Equality, civil rights, all that good stuff, like a lot of like environments have changed with relations between Gender and sexuality. All that good stuff, right, all right. So can you each briefly share your perspective on how you define a modern masculinity in today's society? How do y'all define? Modern masculinity I.
Speaker 4:Say it's expressive and so it's hard, because my mind is more so going to Do the. I guess the main question of like men aren't men anymore. I think it like that because it's like when people reference that, the refer referring to a time when, like having a mischievous, it was a normal thing, or stopping a wife because dinner wasn't was a dead on time was okay. So it's like I guess it's not being hyper, I guess the lack for a better word is just fucking masculine, but I just really more so mean it now modernly, it would just mean to be less oppressive, more expressive and less feeling a need of domination over your power or loitering over the people that you're close to, cause that's really what it is.
Speaker 4:It's like back then it was like I'm the man, shut the fuck up. I said this, that's it, and that caused a lot of problems. Women didn't know who they were, they couldn't do anything outside of what they were told to do and stuff like that. So it's just like when people were like, oh, what, bring our man back. It's like you talk about the same thing as from like 10 or days, or like cause.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you really want them back, like so you know, that's how it is.
Speaker 2:Okay, not immediately. Stops, I guess I'll go. It's really difficult. It's a very, very difficult thing to answer because everybody that you ask is kind of gonna have a different answer. I myself, I don't think that any feeling, I don't think any form of expression is exclusive to either male or female. I'm a bit of like a gender abolitionist in that way. But if we're going to go with like a fusion, what I think is modern masculinity would be like a healthy blend of like traditional masculinity, the things like strength, independence, leadership, courage and the acceptance of the feminine character, aesthetics into your whole integration of yourself. So what is like strength if you don't have mercy? What does it mean?
Speaker 2:to be a leader if you don't have humility? What does it mean to be independent if you're not capable of working in a team when it's necessary, right? So women tend to be better at the second part of each of those equations. But in order to be any kind of quality man at all, you have to incorporate the femininity too, or you just end up being that's where we land in toxic masculinity, when you don't know how to temper the steel with like a little bit of water or just something to even it out. And I think that's where, like modern masculinity tends to lean.
Speaker 3:So I totally agree with Candelle because what he said is basically what it should be modern masculinity. But it's not actually what I actually say, like what he's saying, what it should be and what we what it should be. I don't feel like it is. I feel like a lot of things have changed, but I just totally agree with Candelle. But I don't get to see that. It's not often that you get to see that and men showing their role or showing that masculinity. It's like they do it when it comes to certain stuff. But when it comes to really standing on certain things and I say it, all men, but a lot of men are not like, because me and Candelle have a lot of conversations I'm like, damn, how do you think like that? A lot of men don't think the way he thinks. You get what I'm saying and a lot of men don't respect. I'm not saying not respect.
Speaker 3:Women were like he was speaking about, corey was saying like just smacking around and all that. But that did used to happen back in the day where they had so much control. You didn't have a voice. But now, because we utilize our voice and we do certain things, I feel like I don't know. I feel, just feel like I don't know, it's hard.
Speaker 4:It's a tough word. I guess you are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't really get to see a lot of men. I see a lot of women playing those roles, so it's just like and I'm not, I don't know. I see more women stepping up than men, but that's just me.
Speaker 4:I was gonna say real quick, it's tough because it's like I feel like a lot of men are forced to be having found that balance, like kind of what Kendall was saying, of like having you know what I'm saying, get just the balance, or whatever, and like what that makes me think of is like you have like how you were saying you don't see men that give that some time. You have guys that are either overly masculine or quote unquote under, or like don't really show anything. So then it's like you have that's what you have the women who are like bring back our men and stuff like that. Or it's like you see a guy like so me and him basically me and Jamar did a show called Men Can't Do Shit and it was just kind of talking about all the different random shit that we see on Twitter. I'm like, oh girl, he put lotion on his legs. That's suspect. Wait, maybe he's just actually like why does that?
Speaker 2:You know?
Speaker 4:like it's like. What happens is now. I think there's become such a rule-based idea of what a man should do and can't do that men are struggling to find their balance in between that.
Speaker 2:So it's like they don't know, can I?
Speaker 4:put lotion on my legs, or am I gonna put lotion on the secret?
Speaker 3:But at the same time I was gonna say it's the woman, and men and men, because a lot of men be like oh, that's us, like I don't know, like polls, you get what I'm saying. And then some women, if a man do break down in front of you, then you clown at him like girl, he was all crying, or like get your weak ass up, like yeah, I wouldn't say that.
Speaker 4:Because I'm like right.
Speaker 3:I think it's beautiful for a man to cry. I think that's what really makes you a man, that you can really show your feelings and expressions. So you get what I'm saying. But I do feel like a lot of men do act like little females. They do, and I'm not speaking about because a man is gay. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about anything more. I'm talking about a straight.
Speaker 4:Do I get what you mean? Like a man at a gossip, really?
Speaker 3:Yeah, they sissy Like a man at a gossip.
Speaker 4:I can't stand up. Man who got some of this the funniest thing.
Speaker 3:I'm like no one, and it's not nothing about a gay man. I'm talking about regular men, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:They're very yeah, I don't like the small talk, the what was it? The barbershop gossip? Oh man, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Barbershop gossip is usually problematic. It's more like the Teehee. Like what is it?
Speaker 3:Like the.
Speaker 2:Kiss and Tell type dudes too Particularly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's annoying. I was like, yeah, yeah yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 1:I didn't cry Breakdown, crying for a girl, bro, and they they were letting know what the fuck to do. I want to lie to them. The relationship went down after that shit.
Speaker 4:So I was like I can't trust you.
Speaker 3:So you feel like it went down because you cried, or you feel like it went down just because who she was.
Speaker 1:Or you. It was definitely who she was.
Speaker 3:I was like damn, she was a problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a lot of shit going on. I was in school. I was like you know what I mean Working two jobs, just figuring this shit out. You got a lot of tension and stress on you. Yeah, I didn't broke down my car, my car in the shop, the worst week of my life.
Speaker 4:A nigga need a hug.
Speaker 3:She said but I don't understand. Or was she about to break up with you and you started crying? I'm like no, I just got so much stuff going on in my life.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I wasn't like that.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm sorry, I was neglecting you. Was you neglecting her because you had all the stuff going on and that's what happened.
Speaker 1:It might have been a little neglect and I think I felt guilt from the neglect. I was like damn, I feel bad for the neglect. Yo Like, honestly, I feel guilt from neglecting people.
Speaker 3:Me too, if I ever you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:Let me see. We got some comments here. Marryin' up is a phrase we need to get rid of.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Agree, agree, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm we agree with that for sure.
Speaker 1:Oh, a lot of bad practice isms going to on that post.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like the person's expectations of themselves. It's all based in like you should be doing this, you should be doing that, you should, and it's like OK, there's not really a lot of shoulds in real life, especially if you're a conscious adult. Like you should pay your bills on time, you should take care of your life, but the expectation as far as who to be like that's yours to determine. No one can tell you who you need to be.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:I agree with Shank too, by the way.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's time for them to get more emotion out and women are standing their ground more, I feel like the boundaries with women are respectable and this is why, like a lot of times, like I'm doing, what was it doing a COVID? I got real, real woke, but I was reading all the books from the Civil Rights League.
Speaker 1:I said, yo, this should happen, like 30 years ago, and it made me realize that like a lot of men, we did take advantage of them when they couldn't do for themselves. So when they can do for themselves, of course they're going to show the fuck out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot of the problems we experience in relationships today, you could argue like they come from the fact that women have been super successful at taking masculine characteristics and integrating them into themselves.
Speaker 2:A lot of people are like, oh, I don't want a masculine woman. And they're talking about a woman who wants a job, she wants an education, she wants a car of her own and she wants her own space to live in. And it's like these aren't masculine things and we only expect that because we systemically denied these things to women before, and now that they have the opportunity to get them and you have to do more as a man than earn a paycheck to support a woman, it's like what the hell are we supposed to do? All I know is go to the job, get bread, come home and then she's supposed to have dinner done, right, and it's like now she's working her own job too. You might have to cook dinner tonight, and men will freak out over that idea or having to do chores. There's just a lot of. They've done the work to combine the two aspects of themselves together and then we still a lot of men will lack on that, and that's where you see the most anxious, the most angry, the most incongruent men with their lives.
Speaker 1:I feel you on that one. Yeah, I think I was talking with my sister in the way here and she was talking about guys really expect you to do all the shit that they're doing, plus cooking clean. I'm like, yeah, you were right. And raise the kids. Don't forget about that part.
Speaker 1:And I was like oh, you write about that, but at the same time as like man, we do got to do a lot more, we got to step up a lot more. But are y'all OK with I'm not saying 50-50, but OK with the partnership roles or the leading roles when y'all do you think men should fit, or is it more customizable?
Speaker 2:I think most women today are willing to go 50-50. Like even the opportunity to go 50-50 just means like if you break up with me, I have my own job, I'm cool. Before, if women were to get divorced, they were the ones like they didn't have a career, they didn't have an education, probably didn't have their own car or a space to live. So if a man and a woman were to get divorced with a family of three, women were screwed. Men have like higher suicidality rates after divorce, but women typically tend to get like worse financial hits because they don't have a career already built up and they have to take care of the kids most of the time. Whether or not like men are in the right to take care of the kids after the fact, that's a different thing, but it's undeniably fact that women before were in a much worse position after divorce financially than men were.
Speaker 1:I want my damn kids, but I ain't got no kids.
Speaker 4:I want my kids, I want my damn kids have an amicable break.
Speaker 2:Anicable break everyone you guys are like, are cool with each other. Still, people seem incapable of doing that kind of stuff I like.
Speaker 1:Jameer's Well as the coaster turns. I think it's Jameer's right. A lot of men are masculine, defined by their financial status as well. That is so true. So I think many times ladies correct me if I'm wrong you guys have, like, I guess y'all have more of a timeline thing when y'all ready to settle down, but, men, we have a financial thing. When we're ready to settle down, things just got to be in place. So things are never in place. We're never comfortable enough to settle down, and I think that's what's going on a lot of times. Is we still got this toxic thing in us that we need to have enough money for both of us to even make this relationship work. And then we got the bums. On the other hand, like yo, I'm trying to get with her. She making that paper, her couch is warm, you know what I mean Got food in the fridge.
Speaker 4:But for me it's like, yeah, homosexuals, yeah homosexuals.
Speaker 1:But for me I came from the overthinking part of like yo, I need to have this before I settle down. And yeah, this before I settle down, and then at the end of the day, like if you get the right woman, y'all she'll help you all out like help everyone out.
Speaker 2:They make the process a lot faster. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And she'll look out for you. You know what I mean. Like if you grind in the studio, you make the shit work, she'll. You know you can help her with your weaknesses and you can help with her weaknesses, and that's what really a power couple is. You know what I mean.
Speaker 4:I'll figure out the other. But the problem with that is looking at yourself. A lot of people can't do that. I don't even care to look at them, so I definitely agree with you.
Speaker 3:I do feel like if you got the right woman, because a lot of times in my relationship I remember like my ex he said like I got my paper right, I got to do this right, I got to do this before this, before this Like like sit down with me, maybe I can help you map out some stuff, because a lot of women do come in and change a lot of men lives.
Speaker 4:I see more women changing men lives versus men, this is when you have the right person. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yes, I really do, Because I feel like, of course, I want you to make money too, because I need some of it.
Speaker 3:I'm not like that, but I'm going to help you get in that position I'm not going to get in that position and it's like but I understand Some men don't want to have to depend on their lady and sometimes people prod is in a way that's like it feels like it's taking away from their masculinity. It's the fact that they have to come to you like yo, I can't figure this out, my money not, right, because now it just seemed like women. And it's even harder now because a lot of women seem like I'm not one of them. They're only after certain people, just for their money. So now men feel like they got to work all these jobs, they got to hustle, they got to get back in the streets having nine or five of them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just to keep somebody around, just to feel like a man. And honestly, I feel like a lot of that masculinity stuff that men try to do. I feel like a lot of men try to prove a lot of points to men. Even when you go to clubs and you see, when you buy that bottle, they don't even be caring about the woman, Of course. They pouring bottles out on each side.
Speaker 4:Yeah, they got two bottles over here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're paying $300 for a bottle of henny. Put out a bottle of henny bruh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's just like. I mean, sometimes you just got to live life, but when? I say this I feel like a lot of times men be trying to prove more points to men versus the woman, yeah, not wrong. I feel like a lot of men. I noticed that it's like they want to prove a point more to a man versus the woman. That's how it's been lately.
Speaker 2:If a guy gets a nice car, there are people that he wants to congratulate him or other men most of the time.
Speaker 3:Then they, I don't know, it just feels like.
Speaker 4:It's how honestly. I think it's just how people measure they're. I mean, this is another way to measure their manliness or their masculinity. It's like if all these niggas is jealous of my car, oh, I'm the man. You know what I'm saying. All these niggas, man, I got all these girls on my phone. Yeah, yeah so it's just like they base it on how other men feel.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I agree. Just to kind of have back on the other part too real quick about working and everything like that. I think the thing with that is like nowadays I saw I just saw this post other than it was like hey, I need these niggas to get out of the studio and we need some plumbers, like we need some electricians, we need some because so that song's going down and drain anyway.
Speaker 1:Damn I was about to listen.
Speaker 4:Ah right, no, but it's just like I think now the problem is with social media. I think everything has upside and the downside, but with social media, the downside is seeing so many unreal lives are even some of my real. Some people really do live some of these lives, but it's the expectation of getting that same thing Not finding your own path, not finding your own life. Not, you know what I'm saying. See what's right for you, you're like oh, that look good, I want that, I got to have that. And what happens is especially with men. Now, you know, have them, don't have a job. Or they like you'll get a good job. And it's like, and not to say a good job for a better term, but like it's not to say that, like you know, gender job, or, like I said, electrician or whatever the fuck, a job is a job. But nowadays, my fucking say they ain't looking at it. They're not looking at it like that. It's looking at like how much is you making? Are you a gender?
Speaker 2:I mean that's primarily because I don't know how many women would openly be OK.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but like I can't imagine how I know some women. That would be fine, but I can't imagine there's a lot of women who are like, oh, ok, that's cool we're going yeah, like I just said, they don't exist. They definitely exist, but just so, it's just like it's a half and half thing where I just think really we need to not put expectations on each other and kind of worry about ourselves.
Speaker 1:Once you start doing that, it just kind of it ties into the next part, right? So you ever heard of like the lean in movement.
Speaker 1:Is that just like workaholics, Like no normalization of workaholic culture, so pretty much what the lean in movement was like a woman's movement to get women to take more advantage of their like freedoms and get careers and do a little bit more fulfillment in their lives. You know what I mean. I guess, in a way, the wrong one to look at is be more masculine. You know what I'm saying. So what people usually say is they're women are. Be more masculine. That's what the lean movement is. I mean out movement is what some men are doing. Right. What do you believe are the driving forces behind young men feeling abandoned by traditional notions of masculinity? So it's pretty much like men saying yo, I didn't choose this patriarchal thing, I didn't like choose to leave this family. I don't want to be the provider, I need some help, my nigga.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think that's super simple. Again like when oh, do you want to take this one?
Speaker 4:You can take this one if you want to, okay.
Speaker 2:So, like I was saying, like the thing about like women moving into the roles that they've taken now is that they have successfully integrated both parts, like feminine and masculine, in order to create like healthy lives and then relationships where women are happier single than men are, because their friendships are just way, way, way better. Women will talk all the time about everything with each other, guys will get on a video game, play the game with each other how you been, bro, I'm good and then go kill themselves immediately after they log off because they don't talk about it.
Speaker 4:This is the truth, bro.
Speaker 2:It's complete fact because men don't confide in each other because it's frowned upon, it's not seen as something normal or healthy to do.
Speaker 2:So when men come into these circles where they're trying to find dates, they're trying to get with women.
Speaker 2:They haven't done the work to integrate their femininity into themselves, like the empathy, compassion, the ability to just care for other humans in a genuine manner. So the relationship doesn't work because all they're bringing is a paycheck and the woman gets unsatisfied because she also has a check, she doesn't need your money. And then it's like okay, well shit, what am I going to do with my life? Nobody wants to love me, nobody wants to give me any attention or affection and all I know how to do is work. I don't know how to do anything else and nothing else is fulfilling except getting a check. But that's not enough to land a relationship anymore. So when you're told your whole life, get a job, get a job, get a job, get a job, get a wife, get a kid like, get a house, like you're told all of this, and then none of it works to hold down a stable relationship, of course you're going to feel abandoned by traditional masculinity. It's just going to happen that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I kind of like I was raised by my grandfather and it was completely traditional masculinity, Right, it was pretty much you, beautiful, vital, the results are all up to you. You don't tell the woman how you feel whatsoever. You know what I mean and like you just got to figure out yourself and you don't involve her and men's business. But he, he at that time he would do it like my grandmother never worked in her entire life, like I don't know if she ever. She has no work history Like it's crazy.
Speaker 4:See, that's, that's half and half, cause like we look at that as like, oh, our grandfathers are so happy and I'm sad to see that she didn't even know who she was outside of him.
Speaker 1:Yo, she probably didn't. That's the problem.
Speaker 4:Like she had no idea what to if he wasn't there. It was like oh, so that's the problem with tradition, that often a lot of these traditions left out somebody, somebody was left out in a lot of traditional thinking, Whether it's the man or the woman, somebody wasn't getting the full experience of life.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying? Somebody had to be overshadowed. And so it's like we can say cause I always just laugh at that when people talk about, oh, our grandparents, the way that they love it, it's not to say that they didn't have beautiful love.
Speaker 3:They had no love.
Speaker 4:That's not how it did, but they didn't like because, also like like I was mentioned earlier, you know what I'm saying. It was very commonplace. Abuse was a very kind that was just normal to get slapped up by your band, that was just going to happen. That was like you know. So it's just like a lot of that came from men who, like are you saying, you know, never express yourself. Can you imagine how repressed those men were back then?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 4:I can't even like just another example of it. We have any more serial killers back there, so just put that in your like my park, like hey, like correlate. But either way, it's just like. We look at tradition as we look at it with a nostalgia lens, as if it was in Darby, all perfect and it wasn't. We can create our own traditions, we can create new ones, but it just starts with, I think, ourself.
Speaker 4:And then just to hop back on what Kendall was mentioning about men expressing themselves, I saw this tic-tac about a week ago of a trans man. She's a woman, she transitioned to be a man and she was like I'm, this is really lonely, I hate this. And she was like no, they don't talk about anything, we don't talk about anything, I don't know how to like, it's all just the same, you know shit, or whatever. So it's just like. That's very real. We women are often more happier single, or at least more able to be single, because they do still have emotional connections. For men is that girl or the person that they went, and if they can't get that emotional connection with them, they just have. Their emotions are just not there. So yeah, I think it is already. Starts with self.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't work out. I've been a victim of what was the taxable, well, traditional masculinity. That should don't work out.
Speaker 4:Guys, say how you feel that's what I'm looking like they were like 25, looking like they was like 70.
Speaker 3:So what you mean? Like take it on all responsibilities, that tradition.
Speaker 1:You saying like yeah, that's like like pretty much like saying yo don't worry about I got it Because at the end of the day, like you just been getting more and more stress on you and sometimes where that person could actually helped you you didn't have to get in that rut. You could have probably got fat like farther with that person, but you here trying to burn yourself out when you don't need to. So actually there, that loves you.
Speaker 3:So, but you would take some of those aspects and some of the traditions you had and imply it to now correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So what would you take? So what I would take would be this right, I would take. This is my saying right. So I believe in worrying like it's up to God and working like it's all up to you. You know what I'm saying Like I would like to. I believe the results. I treat the results like it's up to me. But if I feel, though, someone can help me, someone guide me, someone can make me smarter, then I'm open to it. You know what I mean. I'm not so like stagnant or like I'm not so close off.
Speaker 1:Because, a lot of it's like survival, it's like yo, so I learned to show more weakness, not even weakness. Vulnerability, I want to say vulnerable.
Speaker 3:So what are you willing to not do? Like what would you not accept? Okay, so now you don't want to do no tradition. So what would you not accept from a woman that? Would take the role like or to make you feel less than a man, like what is something that you y'all would not accept in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Oh, for me there's not really as far as like the ideas of femininity and like masculinity on the baseline. There's nothing I really like, wouldn't accept in a relationship. If she wants to go 50 50 because that's what works for her and it makes her feel more empowered to say like, hey, I am taking care of half my shit, yeah, I'm cool with that. If we go out to dinner and she wants to pick up the bill on occasion or whenever, like I have it or I don't have it, and she does, that's also cool. If she wants to drive the car because she enjoys driving the car, that's cool too. Like all of these things are like oh, the man's got to do it, the man's got to do it, the man's got to do it. If a girl says, hey, I want to pump the gas because I'm not, I'm not nobody's like. Second thing, I take care of myself, go ahead, I'm fine with that. I'm never in favor of like bending to tradition so much that I take away your agency or autonomy in order to secure that for myself.
Speaker 3:Okay, so what you say, Jamar?
Speaker 1:I like that. I agree with mostly what Kendall even though it's very hard for me not to pay for the bill that's the hardest shit ever In my soul is burning she's going for the check. I'm like nah. Nah, I got this, I got asked out and I still pay for the damn bill. Before I was like, nah, I can't do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, if I got it I'm probably going to volunteer to take it, but if I don't volunteer, she wants to take it at school All right bet.
Speaker 3:So that's the trash, because none of y'all said so. Y'all just okay with her, you taking off the trash.
Speaker 1:Oh hell, no, that's not true. No, no, no.
Speaker 2:So what I'm saying is if she wants to do the thing and she tells me she wants to do the thing, that's cool. She's like, hey, I want to take out the trash. I'm not going to infantilize her by saying, no, I need to do it every single time.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to do that. It might be a test. I just want to see what he really. Let me take the trash. Why the?
Speaker 2:fuck, are you testing me this?
Speaker 3:is a relationship.
Speaker 4:That's the problem. Don't test, don't test. That's what Sometimes you can't see.
Speaker 2:No, if you're constantly testing me in the relationship, I don't want to be in the relationship with you.
Speaker 3:Easy. It only needs a constant test. We talk about the trash game right now. The trash.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, yes, and again, it doesn't matter, it can be one thing. It can be one thing If your idea of me being a decent man is never, ever, ever, ever letting you take out the trash, pump your gas, pay the bill If you never want to have me do any of those things.
Speaker 1:I still don't know how to not pump the gas. By the way, I'm serious, all right.
Speaker 2:To me it just, it doesn't matter If she wants to do that every single time and she says, hey, fuck off, I like to pump gas, it's fun to me, all right, that's cool, like if she literally just For me I like doing.
Speaker 4:Listen, I like to steal.
Speaker 2:Like I enjoy cleaning dishes. Like doing the dishes is my favorite chore. I love this Weird but I like to do it. It's like soothing. You see the item get clean. If somebody wants to take out the trash because she feels strong, pulling it out of the can, throwing it in the dumpster and that's just a fun experience for her. Who am I to say you're not giving me enough femininity in this relationship? I really want to play the masculine role every single time. No, that's cringe.
Speaker 4:I don't like how strong you threw that trash away.
Speaker 3:So my tire popped right and I'm in a car and I go out there and change it by myself. I feel like, well, she did get out there and she just won't do it by herself.
Speaker 2:So you want me to do the car or volunteer to help.
Speaker 3:So if I say no, you would tell him to, but if she says no, I got it.
Speaker 2:I'm cool. I'm not going to go sit in the car.
Speaker 1:So you're going to put your hand in those switch while she's out there? No, I would stay. I would just do it.
Speaker 4:First of all, she's not the tire on her hand, she's the one that do it. Y'all are taking like Give me that goddamn tire.
Speaker 2:You take the giving them agency and control as like I'm never going to offer, I'm never going to volunteer, I'm never going to try and pick up the slack. No, I would stay right there at the back of the car to help her change the back tire. If she needs any assistance, provide it. But if she's like no, I know what I'm doing, I got it, let her do that, because it's the point of feminism is allowing women to make those choices for themselves. Yeah, and like Shanks said, if I ask you five times, I'm going to show you I can do this shit myself. If she asked me to take out the trash, I'm going to take out the trash. But if I go to take it out and she's just like, no, I want to do it, it's fun, all right, cool, like I understand that.
Speaker 1:There's fun in the mundane I still believe in like. I think like chivalry is what most. I think what we're alluding to too. It's all about like chivalry too. It's like a gesture, it's the thought. You didn't have to ask, you said yo, I'm trying to make this really nice for Naya, so I'm being thoughtful and doing it before she even asks. That shows I've been studying her patterns. This is what she likes, this is what she's into. That means I'm trying to get to know her at the first time. Yeah, but if she interrupts.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I'll do those things. But if she ever interrupts the pattern to ask if she can do it or volunteer to do it, I'm not going to take that away. For any task, whether it is doing the dishes, whether it's cleaning the toilet, whether it's taking out the trash, I'll do it most of the time. But if she wants to do it or says, hey, I like to do this, I'm not going to like fuck off, you're the woman Like that's. You want to talk about chivalry? Chivalry is enfancy-lizing women and pretending they're incapable of taking care of themselves. That is 10 times worse than doing things for them and then conceding that space when they want to take over.
Speaker 4:And I see this reminding me I was watching Mad TV earlier, hey man, you were watching something funny.
Speaker 4:It was a sketch, I know right, I say watch, if it ain't scary I'll watch funny. But I was watching Mad TV and it was a sketch in a double row and it was like based on like the 50s or something and the husband or whatever was like one of you women, get it, it's your job. And it was just like, yeah, it's exactly that I think you give them, you give women the space to do what they would like to do, but don't demand certain things as a way to say that they are feminine, if that makes sense, right?
Speaker 2:So, in spite of, giving them the space, I like to say allowing them to take it. Men did not give women their right to vote. Men did not give women the right to own credit cards or bank accounts. Men took it for themselves because they knew they deserved it. So what I'm going to do is not put myself in a position to give you the right to do the chores or whatever masculine chores. Just allow you to take that space. Because of what else am I going to do? Stop you. No, Am I going to give you permission.
Speaker 4:God damn trash that's your hair.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's more funny than anything else.
Speaker 3:So what, this being said, when it comes to masculinity and everything, and when it comes to a female and a man doing the same job, how do you feel about so? Is it okay that men get paid more than women?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Oh, and what did you guys make the same?
Speaker 4:It's just 30% for the same job. Yes, no, no, no so they did the same job.
Speaker 2:It's the same job.
Speaker 1:More, and it's just that the women are more highly educated. We just get paid 30% more.
Speaker 4:That's not bad. I would say maybe women might get a little bit more on like period days, because it's probably real hard to just go to work and you sit there and you're still on day, but outside of that, I think we should get you know we should all stay home on those days I won't lie.
Speaker 3:Me too. They need to have that. Y'all be cussing me out.
Speaker 1:I'll be like damn, this is shit. I don't even know if I'm sensitive, because I stopped the whole day, but we also have to understand.
Speaker 2:Women incur bonus costs of living just from needing to get pads or tampons every month. There's nothing I need to get every single month that women don't really need? Like I need to get food all the time. Can you name an item that only men have to get?
Speaker 3:That is so true that is so true.
Speaker 2:If we expand it to either trans or cis, like that part of the equation, trans men will have to still have to buy menstrual products and stuff, but for the most part cisgender men don't really have to deal with any extra expenses just for the sake of being a man.
Speaker 1:There's beard oil bro.
Speaker 2:Okay, men have the option to shave their beard. Women cannot turn off their period.
Speaker 1:We don't have to shave our beard.
Speaker 2:You absolutely. But that's the thing is that if you wanted to, you could. Women can't. Just I'm not going to buy my menstrual stuff this month.
Speaker 3:I know, can you bet?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's basically it, I'll be full of that for y'all.
Speaker 1:But, Dan, you look uncomfortable.
Speaker 4:That's so real. Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 2:You gotta call me Deli Shank. So that's funny, that I don't know bro, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But to go back to my main, non-negotiable right now is that you have a goal and you have dreams for yourself.
Speaker 3:A beard chair you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:If you ain't got something you want for yourself, that's my interested name, you know what I mean. And if you don't got friends, you need friends and you need a life before me. And me, y'all wouldn't like one of the jewels. I'd be just watching TV all day, not doing shit, and don't want the you know self-actualization. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And these are traditionally masculine things. Only men were allowed to really self-actualize before, and now that women have the option, to do that and they didn't really do it. Yeah, which is wild. Yeah, it's a very like delicate blend that society needs to come to accept, and the idea of like men, only men do this, only women do this is it's really outdated and will probably be dead within the next 50 years.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think we need to get ready to start new. I mean, I don't want to say traditions, but just new norms, just fuck.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:I think of one thing I have to hold the door every single time. That's my thing, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's the only one, the only. I think that's it.
Speaker 2:We need to get more automatic doors, I mean that's a good one, but when it comes to like manual door. I have to. I have to get the door pretty much out for a single time If somebody reaches for it. I'm like I'm not going through it first, you go first.
Speaker 3:I've seen that earlier happen in the store. This guy he was like this older guy and this woman was trying to come in. He was trying to come in, he was trying to go out, but she kept trying to make him come out. He was like I could not be a man if I just let me go through the door before you and I got the door open for you. I wouldn't even feel right.
Speaker 2:So she's like okay, you can rationalize it. I feel like.
Speaker 3:I feel like sometimes, a lot of times, a woman do take away stuff that belongs to men and it's like I don't know. I just feel like there's some stuff that men is just supposed to have. I understand what you're saying, kendall, but I feel like we do strip away some things from them as well. Woman.
Speaker 4:The door opening thing is a perfect example.
Speaker 1:I got a question, though it goes do you believe that men face backlash when they deviate from traditional masculine stereotypes and also women face backlash when deviating from traditional women stereotypes?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the backlash is pretty stupid.
Speaker 4:I mean, it's probably like I said me and Jamar did our show. The men can't do show. It literally was like the wildest shit. There's another one. I don't want my man wearing glasses. That's us. You know what I'm saying, why I literally can't see.
Speaker 2:What do you mean? It's us.
Speaker 4:It's the whole idea of like my favorite window, troy.
Speaker 1:My favorite one, troy was the one if your man, if your homie, falls asleep in the car while you drive.
Speaker 4:Like your homie can't fall asleep in the car while you drive. And that's us. It's like it creates these super repressed men and that's honestly what was happening back then. That's what I think. Back then, like 30 looked like 50. 55 and 60. Like you look at the temptations automatically, it's like 19, a first I'm not first out of cover.
Speaker 4:the light day was straight up retiring like I think part of that is from the repression of years of just holding so much in and it just caused Aging. You know I'm saying so. It's like now, yeah, we all look a lot better, but it's because we can express ourselves fucking more. We still have shit. We still go through skin care. It's not a lot more than a man can get out. Yeah, that's who I mean. The routine is very serious over here.
Speaker 2:It's a lot drinking like. If you get, instead of getting beer, you get like an apple teeny. From the bar you get a margarita. Yeah, I'm sorry that you enjoy drinking piss like I'm really. Sorry it's disgusting. Yeah, I'll take shots of a straight liquor, but like I will never like, oh, his beard this day. It just tastes like piss to me.
Speaker 4:I don't go to the bar like, yeah, can I get a beer, but angry or trip I'm going but it's okay if you did want to go to the bar and say, hey, can I get a beer?
Speaker 2:Why do you think that these things should be excluded from these things? Why, though, no? No, you have to.
Speaker 3:Why Do you see like the?
Speaker 2:problem with that is like you're adhering to the stereotype for the sake of Okay you were just okay with me. So that's what I'm saying is that if a woman enjoys beer, I don't think less of her for it. If a man drinks a fucking apple teeny margarita, I don't think less of him for it. It's his choice to do so. The same way, if a woman wants to pop a bottle of for like a couple 40s, she should be able to do that if she wants a whiskey.
Speaker 4:It does look funny.
Speaker 1:I dated somebody to come home from work right, she's a sit down. She had beer and shit in the hunter freezer in a basement she would pull up or a whole glass of straight liquor and she'll smoke a cigarette and drink liquor.
Speaker 3:Mmm I.
Speaker 2:Wanted to drink a like a straight glass of vodka on the rocks that's cool. Or whiskey on the rocks that's cool, it's just a beer, that's also fine. No and then the reason you feel this way is because it's classifying.
Speaker 3:A big-ass bottle and she's like I can see it just don't look right, make me think about don't be a minute we're gonna dance for that girl had that yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you see how, like you're not even thinking your own thought, right now, you're wired to think this because this is what society has told you is normal.
Speaker 3:Not even, because that's exactly that oh no one should drink it Okay.
Speaker 2:So what I'm saying is your preference, that's, to relegate a drink to a sex, is one of the most like socially immature things I think humans can do.
Speaker 3:So if you came to somebody house right now a woman's house he was in y'all. This is the first time over in our house.
Speaker 2:You see nothing before these cigarettes, Jesus you walk into the house, you recognize oh, I don't prefer these things. My preferences are not universal. Everyone in the world does not have to feel what I feel. If you walk into a man's house and he's got a big-ass jug of nothing but martinis, or he's got sea grooms like the sex on the beach to make him he's crazy, are you going to judge him then, or are you only going to?
Speaker 4:go in for their.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's. That's the thing about. It is like, how many things are we going to extend that to? Can only women drink wine? Can only women drink V? But you can't say when the actual thought is there.
Speaker 3:I feel what you're saying though is there like it's unconscious bias.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:That's why I said initially off the first look if it's something like but.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can prefer than nobody drink it, look.
Speaker 3:It's still weird, it's still funny, and I just think that back in the day, 40s was a thing. If woman and men was drinking, it was affordable, it was in the ghetto, so nobody had nothing, it was what like. But once but once, um, you know that we were able to, you know, be in a better situation financially growing up. Ain't nobody preferences of 40. I don't, unless they cook that's not even true. That's when they want a 40.
Speaker 2:Nobody, just drink your 40s can do but someone could still prefer them to Do something, whatever else is available.
Speaker 1:I mean, why drink skyby softer and harder, like anger? Orchard is not a softer.
Speaker 2:That's another crazy thing. If you go to the the bar and you get one of those mixed drinks that women get, those things are like 53% alcohol, like it's all alcohol with a little bit of fruit juice in there. This is a harder drink than your fucking 6% beer.
Speaker 3:Well where you be going. But they be cheating me.
Speaker 2:They be giving me more juice than liquor girl order a Long Island iced tea every time that's my dang. Who knows, on Saturdays I make really strong drinks go to a decent bar where they make decent drinks. The girly drinks have more alcohol in them. Yeah, my watchin you have like a fruity drink If it has fruit, but harder and softer. You're talking about what has more or less liquor in it, and in that case beer is the softer drink than like 90% of.
Speaker 1:Are we gonna change the subject in this job, right, so?
Speaker 2:not a review pod.
Speaker 1:It's not acting out a drink review. Episodes on here can never realistically display vulnerability, empathy, modesty, without facing negative consequences. Birth person, lee, and professionally yo shout out to my boss. When I told I stood on my ground, she called me emotional. I Said all facts what she said. She called me emotional. So I was like yo, this person, so the person was trying to plead like she was dumb and she didn't know what she was doing. This person been with the company for like three or four years and she took like a bunch of leaves. So on the fifth leave she didn't know how to how leaves work, so her schedule didn't come back on time Like it didn't come back. So she didn't come into work. And then she finally came. When her schedule finally got back she missed the whole we could work now. She broke the attendance policy. You know we gotta get rid of her and she's trying to argue she didn't know.
Speaker 1:It's our fifth time doing leave. She been in the company longer than me. She explained the shit to somebody I seen before and you and you telling me she don't know what she doing. My boss like well, you're not, you're just, you're being emotional. I Got caught emotional by suburban yoga mom.
Speaker 2:We call them Karen.
Speaker 1:And then, like, the question was this. It was can you realistically display vulnerability, empathy, modesty without facing negative consequences, both personally and Professionally? The thing is, she dodges me a lot more. By the way, she is dodging that. That's not the owner.
Speaker 4:She'd be able to.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, my guy won't get back to his story about this yoga mom so much he said fuck the episode, I need to trauma, dump her a minute.
Speaker 1:I need to know. Look, he's doing that right now.
Speaker 2:I'm expressing that vulnerability. My guy, this can't even see how, come on, hurt me.
Speaker 4:I think it depends on who you are trying to express that with when you're talking to, because unfortunately, not all People women and men included, or whatever the cases won't always receive that like how you just said. You know so, like why we should be able to get that shit out. I don't think that's always a reality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a very general question where the answer really depends who the hell?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it really does, because they could give you negative consequences. It could not be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like some women don't want to hear that shit, I'm just saying I'm a middle of five boys and my dad raised us to be expressive, so we're like shit. I mean some of my cousins have called us emotionally. I think it's like well, my daddy grew like, raised us to like express yourself express ourselves so right. Whatever the fuck we we could get it out, and I never looked at as like I've never heard.
Speaker 4:Stop crying, boys. I'll do that. I think I'll get it. I've never gotten that from my dad, right. Well, what the fuck going on? He might say, all right, that's too much. I don't know if I can sit there crying for an hour, okay, but like it was never a push against our expression and a war toward our masculinity, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, women always get considered like too emotional. But like the most emotional acts in all of history and all of society almost always come from men. If two people are raging at each other on the road, who is more likely to get out and shoot the other person? It's going to be a man 90% of the time. It's not going to be a woman. If two people are fighting and they they should escalate. Who's going to be the aggressor? Most of the time it's like a man versus a man. So it's like no women are not more emotional.
Speaker 2:Women have way better control of their emotions typically than men do. It's just that they express it in ways that could be more socially destructive to someone's character than like Killing them. Might be like that's not going to destroy a character their person will be remembered or whatever. But when a woman gets to know an argument with another, she's going to try and socially destroy the other person and undermine their friendships Under mine, like their relationships to their job, whatever. But it's not like this, like I'm losing control of myself and now I'm murdering somebody, type deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah which is almost exclusively men. Men are almost all violent crime Not all men are violent criminals. I mean you know most of the violent crime.
Speaker 1:I mean we got a good share in it.
Speaker 2:It's a very, very large. I don't know if you've seen the statistics, but I'm pretty sure it's well over 80%.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I got swung on first a couple times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it wasn't by another man.
Speaker 4:I don't think I swung on first.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I have to give the feminist answer. What did you do?
Speaker 4:Oh my god, it's honestly still making me think about the show that we did and low-key, where we write these. Just bring it back.
Speaker 1:But I got better at everything, so we could definitely do it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I got better, um so one of the other parts that I brought up are like things that was brought to my attention. It is so random and it's so small, but it's like my. It's so weird how many things that don't actually deal with sex or sexuality that get caught us. Yeah right, so like. One of the ones that we saw was, um, basically I don't remember exactly what I said was basically the idea of straightening not really wiping their ass until I just too gay, which I think is the wow is it wiping the ass or washing the ass?
Speaker 4:Oh no, why like wiping, like using the bathroom?
Speaker 2:It's, it's your ass, it's it's yours.
Speaker 4:It's not anyone else is. There's not a man who comes into the bathroom with you, so do it gay to suck your own dick. I've heard, I, I don't know. Uh, that one is confusing. I was somebody said this to me actually a few months ago and I had this conversation. I'm like I don't, I really don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Well then you extend it. Is it gay to give yourself a hand job?
Speaker 4:No, it's.
Speaker 2:It seems that way when you went at that way, but that's just male masturbation Right like it's, it's difficult.
Speaker 1:I'll plead the fifth in this. Is it gay?
Speaker 2:Is it gay for a woman to eat your ass? And?
Speaker 4:it's like no crazy.
Speaker 3:It depends on when how far it go.
Speaker 2:No for it to be gay. It is an interaction between a man and another man.
Speaker 3:There's no action. My fingers in your behind and then pick up toys.
Speaker 4:I mean, if he grinded, I put it in the finger.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait, wait Does does a man putting a or does you putting your finger in a man's butt make you a man?
Speaker 3:I never said that.
Speaker 2:I asked a question Is it yes or no?
Speaker 3:It doesn't matter, it just affected. I feel like I'm just basically saying that most of the times like if I know what you're saying. I'm basically saying that if, if it depends. I'm not saying that all the time, but sometimes a guy goes too far because now on the man get curious. If it's a woman and him doing stuff, that's their business. That I mean that doesn't make him gay. But then the curiosity, like damn, this boy, feel good it's finger, feel good, let's see what it's like.
Speaker 2:So then what you're asking then is any I'm putting stuff in it.
Speaker 3:I'm okay, so sometimes you can. If nobody ever brought weed to you, you would never tried it, you would have never knew anything about it and got curious to want it afterwards right.
Speaker 2:So what you're saying is that if a bisexual man is exposed to something that leans a little more homosexual, If, if you enjoy, all right, all right.
Speaker 1:I think I got her point without what you're going for. You know how ex was gay and he tries and puts now he's bad sexual.
Speaker 2:If he enjoys it and then continues to pursue it. Yes, If a man receives like oral and a woman beats his ass. How's a double standard gonna expand?
Speaker 4:Oh no, it's making me think of the double standard of like how women are able to explore their sexuality more than men. Um, I know a lot of women who try to shit all of them.
Speaker 2:If you were to start a peg a guy, you take a dildo or a strap on and you fuck your man with a dildo or a strap on and then he thinks oh, I wonder what that's like with a man. You were never dealing with a straight man to begin with.
Speaker 1:You were dealing with a man Know he was in the closet closet.
Speaker 3:I don't, I don't know you brought it out. I'm saying like even oh, I may have to be that you brought something out, but then it probably made it, I don't know. Then you wouldn't think if you, you, what?
Speaker 2:wait, wait, wait, no, but yes, jamire's comment hilarious. Please let her get her statement out. I need her to come to that. I'm hungry.
Speaker 3:I can't.
Speaker 2:Is that what you're gonna say, please?
Speaker 3:I basically was saying that, um, if you introduce something to a man, right, or if you got introduced to something, sometimes that curiosity comes right, yeah, and then he may think like I wonder what it is like.
Speaker 2:Which means that you were dealing with a straight man who had bi curious tendencies. You're completely wrong about that. I'm a bisexual man.
Speaker 3:So why I don't believe it? I just feel like anything you can do with a man Okay have you, have you, have you.
Speaker 2:How many boyfriends have you had?
Speaker 3:in your entire wait, wait wait.
Speaker 2:Answer my question please. How many boyfriends have you had in your entire life? How many or roughly?
Speaker 3:Is it two, is it?
Speaker 2:ten.
Speaker 3:It's in between, but what's going on?
Speaker 2:Okay, so it's in between, which means you were attracted to more than one man. Why could one man not be attracted to oh, that's a good-looking guy, oh, that's a hot woman. Why could a man not do both?
Speaker 3:Um, I'm just saying I feel like, if my man has sex, do you know?
Speaker 2:what this is called. This is called by erasure. It's pretending the bisexual man do not exist.
Speaker 3:Yes, your opinion, and this is my opinion. I feel like if my man could take dick and he can fuck me, I'd look at him as being gay.
Speaker 2:You're just wrong, you're factually wrong to me. I like you. You are factually wrong. There is no.
Speaker 3:This is my opinion me, I don't believe I.
Speaker 2:You don't believe that men can be attracted to both men and women. You're wrong. Oh, I died. No, how is she going to know how wrong she is? Like On the planet?
Speaker 1:like oh well, she could definitely get back in here If you are equally attracted or not even equally attracted.
Speaker 2:But there's any skew 70, 40 or 70, 30, 80, 20, whatever. If you're attracted to both men and women, that makes you bisexual. If you are only attracted to men as a man, that makes you a homosexual. If you're only attracted to women, you're heterosexual. It's, it's not that. I don't think it's that difficult.
Speaker 4:It's kind of like how you were saying, it's like the the by erasure thing, also just kind of like a, it's like a double standard kind of like. Well no, because it's not even so much. You can't think of that.
Speaker 1:They aren't but it's like it's more allowed.
Speaker 4:I guess, quote unquote that women can go like. I know so many women that have done things or other girls tried shit, like quake, like, did whatever it was, like oh, this is fine, I didn't like it, whatever, or whatever the case is, women are allowed to explore that part more freely than men are. So the moment a man even see. So that's where, honestly, where a lot of the suss shit come from, because I, oh, you're a little too close to so it just it's, it's like you said, it's, by erasure, I mean yeah, like for me.
Speaker 2:I don't think I'm by romantic, I do think I'm heteroromantic, but I am bisexual.
Speaker 2:I'm heteroromantic, though you can be like, so you like I guess you, so you do I can be physically attracted to either feminine men or cis women, trans women, but I'm not super likely to actually date or form like romantic feelings for a man, um, just because I don't typically connect with them in that way. But I'm also open to the idea that there could be someone who changes that in the future. That has not happened. I've not experienced that. But as it stands now I know I'm generally not romantically attracted to other men.
Speaker 4:Hmm.
Speaker 2:And that's the craziest thing about it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's great because, like I think also that's why some Intent to end up being a bit more repressed too, because they aren't allowed. They might have actually thought about it and didn't give themselves our work ever allowed the space to Just see right quick, it's like. It's like food. You know somebody like a maybe try this new fucking Cinnamon cover at salmon and you like, damn, I don't really like this. Let me just try a piece. I Don't fuck with it. It was cool or shit.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's the next question, right.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Eliminate tradition, values all together, or is there a? Room for redefining them in a healthier way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, like I said earlier, it's, it's a balance. Um shit, maybe it's because I have autism. I see everything as a spectrum, every single thing, whether it's your taste in food, you're tasting people, you're tasting games, you're tasting drinks it's all a spectrum. So, if you are a man, you value strength, integrity, leadership, honesty, independence. You value all of these things. But, like I said before, you have no interest in feminine things like compassion, grace, mercy, forgiveness, peace. You don't have any value for those things. You're going to live a chaotic, shitty life. You're not going to be happy.
Speaker 2:So how do you, how do you remedy that? You embrace the duality of it. You embrace the both sides of everything and realize that there are positives and negatives from each thing. You work to eliminate the negatives. So, on a man that would be power that bends into like tyrannical or Controlling, you take that independence that turns into hyper isolation and you bring those things to mean more. When I'm on my own, I do fine, but I also do well in community. I am strong, but I can also be gentle. I value things like Leadership, but I'm also I have enough humility to recognize that there might be someone better suited, or Just treating the people under me like human beings.
Speaker 1:These are all like feminine things that men cannot live happy lives without so you think, men, if You're totally let's say totally manly or like your morsel on, like the masculine way, we don't, we don't have? Men seem to have less like empathy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. It's a life of misery. Empathy it's considered a traditionally feminine trait. So if you live that way, your life's going to be miserable. You're not going to have decent, valuable connections, and this is where, for me, toxic masculinity isn't the presence of something, it's the absence of feminine qualities to balance the masculine qualities.
Speaker 1:Which way are you already said in which way we should be feminine. You answered it perfectly. What? You thinking Troy.
Speaker 4:I mean, what was the question?
Speaker 1:you're talking, okay, so we aim to eliminate traditional masculine values or is there room for redefining them in a healthier way? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:So, yes, the mileage all of them there is room to. It's how it was there earlier. I think not all old quote-unquote masculine tradition are. You know traditional roles are Serious types, whatever the case may be, are negative. You know strength isn't a bad thing. You know kind of taking charge is a bad thing. But it's about balance. I think everything is a balance. So it's like if you're 100%, you know strong, but you never allow space for weakness or vulnerability. If you're always prideful, you never allow space for humility. It it just has to be a balance to it. Empathy is a good thing to have and I'm always actually going to extremely empathic. So that's something I had to learn about. Us are pulling back because sometimes that shit fucks with your own energy. You and somebody else's feelings are completely in somebody else's shit, go through something that don't have nothing to do with you. So everything is a balance on both feminine and masculine traits or whatever the case is. So I think it's really just about finding the connection of old masculine traditions and bridging them with newer Norms.
Speaker 1:I see what you're saying. Question those. So what do you? We're gonna go to the impact part, so what do you define as an impact?
Speaker 4:An empath is a person who is able to not only feel but understand the emotions of another person and can kind of spot them out, without without it being a knowledge. But I can say anything and Unfortunately, sometimes we I think Empath is just somebody who is connected to a lot of people, like we can meet somebody for five minutes and Now we, now you, are completely in me, so I Veer away from like the spiritual, like psychic idea of empathy.
Speaker 2:I'm not like a spiritualist, I'm pretty naturalist myself. But as even like a non-religious, non like traditionally spiritual person, I recognize that the general spiritual idea of like, oneness with the universe is important, being able to accept your place. To answer the actual question, like what is empathy? Just the ability to see, feel and recognize what someone is going through and put yourself in their shoes, without it feeling like pitying them. You're genuinely relating to it, you understand what they're going through and it makes you feel that as well, versus like, oh you, poor thing, that must suck you kind of get it.
Speaker 4:That's so crazy.
Speaker 2:Literally, that's crazy. Literally, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I ran out of this crazies the other day and have enough of me, but see that's also the part of being an empath.
Speaker 4:You should be able to pick up like on when you, when you maybe talking too much and your story is dragging, like I also We'll see okay. So I was gonna say I think this is artistic part of me, because I'm able to read a room, like as a performer, and it's like you can tell when you done, when you haven't grabbed somebody, like you ain't gotta be asked, it's like Okay, I can say that thing to really pull them in. So it's like that's the other part of thinking of it it. But I also have ADD and totally on the fucking spectrum. So I understand that too. It's for me it depends on the day.
Speaker 2:I can always find my people, I sense them.
Speaker 4:Yes, I think most podcasters are, so how can we?
Speaker 1:encourage other men or child's other men To move past the negative aspects of the traditional male values.
Speaker 2:So, like I said before, I don't even think I don't think it's like a thing that exists that makes you a toxic man. I think it's the lack of something that balances out your masculine traits. A dude that goes to the gym five days a week, it's probably a really, really strong dude, physically right, but what is it if he doesn't know how to cook and he doesn't know how to balance his diet properly? He's probably going to be a pretty strong dude who's strength is capped because he hasn't tapped into the, the traditionally feminine role of cooking for himself. So what do you do? You integrate that part of femininity into that man and you show him like look, this is a better path because it improves on your life. To be Forgiving with people is going to improve your life. To be empathetic and compassionate is going to improve your life. To move with grace is going to improve your life All of these things. It's not like men need to add something.
Speaker 2:I generally think that, when it comes to the masculine traits, a lot of men will have enough of those already because they're beaten into us from a Young age.
Speaker 2:What they generally lack is the ability to let it go. Um, letting it go and moving into a different phase of themselves is the more important thing to do. All of my personal traits that are flaws, are me lacking something that people consider feminine, and then I have to learn and integrate that in myself, which is ironic because I was raised by my mom, my sister and then my brother, who was raised by also my mom and sister, so we were both in a position to be pretty feminized in our social thinking. So for me I swung the wrong direction and instead of it being, oh man, I learned a lot from like my mom, it was like fuck this shit, I don't have a dad, so I need to compensate. So, swinging the pendulum in the other direction, a lot of the toxicity is not giving into those more feminine traits that men Generally would benefit from, and I think women have done a very good job of doing the reverse.
Speaker 1:All right next one um how can education, media representation and support programs contribute to promoting a healthy, more balanced definition of masculine?
Speaker 2:nice adigan.
Speaker 1:How can? That was a mouthful, wasn't it?
Speaker 2:How can I zoned out for a minute?
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, man. How can education, media representation and support programs contribute to promote and healthier, more balanced definitions of masculinity?
Speaker 2:Hmm, stop using the word masculinity and femininity. These are the like. No human is complete without the perfect integration of both things, and it doesn't perfect doesn't have to be 50, 50, it can be 70, 30, if that's what benefits your life more, but getting rid of that broad line of like being too graceful as girly Okay bro, men can be ballet dancers too and they probably, like, have more sex than like men who are not ballet dancers.
Speaker 4:Um probably is fatter Right, but that's that's.
Speaker 2:Another thing is men have sex for the sake of like being able to say they had sex. For me, bad sex is not better than no sex.
Speaker 4:I would rather have no sex than yeah, I would rather just not do it, but a lot of guys would be like no, bro, I love to fuck.
Speaker 2:I'm getting every night, but you're miserable, yeah.
Speaker 1:I remember having really, really bad sex. I was like damn, I didn't know I had bad, I didn't know I had good sex to have bad sex.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you don't, because that's everything. You don't know good until you have bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not to mention what like pornography will do to the brain. As far as like what you expect from sex, um, if someone, I was introduced to porn super duper early, but I also developed a decent sexual relationship because most of my my like interest in sex is pleasing the other person. So if I'm involved in sex and I'm not pleasing the other person, I'm already having a bad time. But if someone else feels pleased, you're probably doing a pretty good job Anyway, and there's only so poor that you can do if you are focusing on, like, the pleasure of the other person.
Speaker 4:Oh, so you're giving time right, so you're, you're absolutely.
Speaker 1:All right, so you're not the uh. Sex is a race.
Speaker 4:No, um, but I mean, that's also something that happens, especially with guys. I think younger when you know, um, younger ages, you really just like it's the goal. It's like a goal, I gotta get it, you gotta do it. That's which also, side note, I think it's so fucking funny. I think about when I was in in school, younger and shit, and like everybody was oh, so fucking all the time and like seventh grade, like looking back. When you're a kid, you feel like, oh damn, I need to be doing something too. It's a looking back. We were all like 13, 14. Y'all wouldn't fucking like that. That'll make sense.
Speaker 2:But it's, and then you realize they were like that, and it's because they were sexually abused in their youth. So they turned around and express it that I mean that's 90% what it is Like. One kid comes to school after being sexually abused by somebody at home. That kid translates it to somebody else and now both of them have some weird thing where it's like they're valuing that over like, building the relationship. To get to that point they're valuing that over education. They're valuing this, the clout that comes from sex, more than the actual sex.
Speaker 4:Not everybody at school looking at you and like yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 1:You just got touched.
Speaker 2:You know I'm sorry, but I just I mean, you still see the discourse where a boy will be molested by a female teacher and men will be in the comments Like I wish she was my teacher back in the day, like really.
Speaker 4:Oh, but stop part. Oh, are you serious, nice?
Speaker 1:Nice, I should arrest her for not having sex with me.
Speaker 2:And I understand where it comes from, especially when you're older. Looking at a teacher, it's like, okay, she's an attractive teacher, but it's still like. It should still ring a red flag for you that, like a 29 year old teacher, one of the fuck, a 12 year old like that should still be weird as shit to you. But a lot of guys are just like. I wish it was me and it's like, bro, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 4:Why do you wish that that was you being traumatized. That'd be great.
Speaker 1:It is kind of awkward to turn in your school project, you know, and he was just like, yeah, here you go.
Speaker 4:Here you go. It's Jonathan. I've never done anything, but I did have one teacher where I don't think I would have been mad.
Speaker 2:It's okay to have that, but the point is to recognize the teacher's responsibility is to cut that off. If I were a teacher, I would never want to know, like if you had to push a button, get $10,000 or know everyone who's masturbated to the thought of you. If I were a teacher, I would never want to know that because it's going to happen. But your role as the adult is to make sure you never act on that.
Speaker 4:You shut that shit down.
Speaker 1:If you ever ask your teacher that or a teacher that next question would you really get $10,000?
Speaker 2:The teacher probably needs $10,000. Teachers in America are treated like shit.
Speaker 1:He damn right yeah, oh, my God, all I know is.
Speaker 2:You need to get this comment.
Speaker 1:I definitely had sex.
Speaker 2:Because it's true. Damn, I could have just did this, you have to be able to recognize that If you're doing it like, okay, I'd rather do it myself, period Might be a little bit of a problem.
Speaker 4:Maybe just don't do it.
Speaker 2:But if you're having bad sex, it's fine to just recognize it. I probably could have stayed home tonight, do you?
Speaker 4:think there's a way to If you're good anyway, because sometimes you can just have an off night, off day, whatever Can you recover.
Speaker 2:If you want to try again with the person, yeah, that's between you and them. I'm never going to say like, oh, you're going to go back and fuck this person, or are you really going to do that? Didn't you have really bad sex last time? It's like, well, we've only had sex like four times. Maybe there's like I know what went wrong last time. It depends on your level of reflection.
Speaker 4:I was a little extra drunk, I don't know whatever Like yeah, that's fine. I did want to say real quick, though it was on the I forgot which question it was, but I think, oh, it was like how media can help. Is that what you said? That effect, yeah, I'll say, just by pushing more. Like I think everything starts with you first, like that's just it. Like you're saying you pour from your own cup and if your shit is full of lean or empty, then you pour some fucking shit to other people. So it all starts with you, and I think if the media would push more of people defining themselves because I really think that's the biggest marker of a man to define yourself and not let anybody tell you who you are and I think that's just people in general. So I just think if we can push more of that, more people will work on themselves first and do the work that that requires, and then it'll allow them to understand each other better and how to interact with each other.
Speaker 2:I think I would disagree with that. Even I agree, like the responsibility falls on you, but I feel as though the fault that starts the moment you walk into a fucking toy section. The boys toys are all blue and the girls toys are all pink, like that's the first moment where it happens, where it's like huh, why are all the kitchen sets for girls? Why are all the baby girls?
Speaker 4:Yeah, I got whoops for playing with dolls before.
Speaker 2:It's like if you give your son a baby doll, he might end up being a father one day.
Speaker 1:Like. I don't know. If you want to see that Like, why not?
Speaker 4:But, yeah, we kind of need those now.
Speaker 2:That's the first place that it starts is the moment you walk into a toy aisle, the moment you flip on the TV and it's like, well, you can't watch the Barbie movie because that's for girls. And it's like I mean, if I watch the Barbie movie and then I go to school the next day and like I can talk with the girls in my class about it, I'm probably going to have a better time than the boys who are like still trying to learn how to like beat their chest and shoot a ball at them. Yeah, like it's always like a balance of some sort.
Speaker 4:Yeah yeah, yeah, I think trust me about that.
Speaker 1:So alright, as we conclude right what is your vision for more inclusive, equitable society for both men and women? How can men and women work together?
Speaker 4:to create this balance, I mean really just understand how more alike we are than different. I think that's the first thing. Like how you I think you mentioned it earlier like there's no oh, you said a drink, but for me it was like there's no emotion that's exclusive to man or woman, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I believe the thing about feeling like Like outside of a period there's really nothing else that you know are having a child. You know there's not many experiences that are singular specifically to us that the other sex or whatever wouldn't understand in a way through their own experiences. So it's just like I think we really need to stop looking at the separation and look at where we're connected and that'll help start to see the distance you know what I'm saying Like where we are, like okay, this is something for me or something for you, whatever, but like really it starts to understand that we are all fucking human.
Speaker 1:I believe like, on a kind of on the contrary of like just like, focusing on similarities, of also focusing on like the differences, but celebrating the differences. You know what I mean. I think their masters of feminine energy were gridded masculine energy. We need to celebrate those things instead of being like yo we're too much, you know, I like. You know what I mean. We're arguing about the differences, we need to celebrate them, but, like yo, that's what we need more, because we're lacking that, naturally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but even that belief system won't be universal. There will be a lot of men who are more in touch with their feminine than some women are. There are going to be a lot of women who are more in touch with their, their ability to be independent, than a lot of men are. The balance, like Troy said and I perfectly agree with this is actually how I was going to conclude my point here. If we were to take race, gender, sex, religion, nationality, take all that shit, throw it the fuck away and then recognize what's the important part you are also a human, I am a human. If that was the first part of all of these conversations, probably wouldn't have war, probably wouldn't have interpersonal drama between the sexes over a matter of like well, you're supposed to do this and you're supposed to do. I want to do this, I'm going to fucking do this, you want to do that, you can fucking do that, but I'm going to do this.
Speaker 2:If we were to take away all that other, the baggage, the bullshit that comes with being human second and make human come first and that extends like disabilities as well there's a reason it's people with autism and not autistic people.
Speaker 2:There's a reason you say person in a wheelchair and not wheelchair bound person Like you want to put the people before all of these things and then, if you have your humanity intact, everything else is just a modifier. But because we put those things first, you're a woman, therefore you have to do this. You're a man, therefore you have to do this. You create a shitload of anxiety when people feel incongruent with those definitions, and now you're also deleting the space for people who fall outside the gender binary. So now we have trans people, we have non-binary people. When you say what is masculinity, you're either throwing them out of the conversation completely or you have no fucking idea how to include them properly. So it's really about putting the humanity of other people before anything else. Attach all the other shit later and then let people identify themselves how they want, but always prioritize being human before anything else.
Speaker 1:Well said, well said. So how do you feel about women calling us short kings, short kings?
Speaker 2:I'm cool with it, bro, but the thing is I'm medium sized king over here.
Speaker 2:Even for something like this. If I go on Tinder and a girl is like if you're 6-0 and under, don't swipe left or don't swipe right on me, don't try to match with me, I'm not going to be like, oh my god, you stupid bitch, how dare you have a preference, right, yeah, how dare you have a preference? Now, if that preference extends and then you're straight up mean to people over it, that's probably kind of weird, right? If it's like well, I don't like dark skinned women, okay, that's a little strange. There's probably at least a few dark skinned women that you would be attracted to that you could consider. No, I just don't like dark skinned women. That's weird. If you meet somebody who's like 5-3 and you love them, like oh my god, this guy is like more cooler than I ever thought, and then you refuse to like date him, you refuse to engage with him because he's not tall enough, that's kind of weird. But at face value, I'm not super concerned with a lot of that stuff. The perfect evolution of beard growth is hilarious.
Speaker 1:They don't even know it's my final four.
Speaker 4:Mine's got shadow over it, but it's a little more going on over here. I just had some shadow.
Speaker 1:So, final thoughts though, guys, final thoughts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think my previous point was perfectly final. My god, they can conclude it pretty well. Forget masculinity, forget femininity. Recognize that these things are traits that exist in all of us, that we all have the responsibility to balance out, and if you fail at balancing them, you're the primary person who's going to suffer from it. It's not because your wife is too masculine that you feel inadequate. It's not because your husband is too feminine that you feel inadequate.
Speaker 2:It's a fact. If you come home from work and she hasn't cooked dinner yet and you have that expectation that she was going to because she usually does yeah, maybe be a little bit upset about it, but it's not because she's a woman that she was supposed to have it ready. It's because that's kind of the agreement that you guys had at the start of your relationship.
Speaker 1:What you mean. It's not because she was a woman. I thought that was automatic. No, everything automatic. And it goes like that being single forever.
Speaker 2:That's the only thing automatic is those guys being miserable and constantly looking for love.
Speaker 1:I haven't dated anybody that actually could cook for me. I always cook. I was always like finished, like a whole big shift.
Speaker 4:Honestly, I don't come across a lot of. It's not about a woman I know of these days that do a lot of cooking. It seems more balanced now because I come across more men that cook now than years ago or whatever. But I'll say my final thought, just to reiterate what I was saying Define yourself, don't let no. I think that's one of the things like. I think oftentimes we look for our worth, our value, our ways to define ourselves through people or the world, and it's like define you. It starts with you, because once you know who you are, once you have defined who you are and we're always learning ourselves we change every seven years or so, so we'll always be learning ourselves, but don't let anybody else tell you who you are. I love it.
Speaker 1:I love it. So where can we find y'all? If you don't want y'all to type the links, or you can type y'all logs whatever y'all want to in the comments as well, so they'll have a comment trail.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mine's super easy. So my name is Kendall Simmons. You can follow me on almost all of my social media, at Afro Mortis, so it's A-F-R-O-M-O-R-T-I-S. The primary things. I need y'all to follow me on Instagram, just Afro Mortis and switchtv, slash Afro Mortis, where this is actually also being live streamed, and ask the culture turns. Don't forget to sub to ask. The culture turns, sorry Go ahead.
Speaker 4:No, no, you're fine, you're fine. So yeah, I mean you can follow me for podcast purposes Love underscore journal podcast on Instagram and demand of horror underscore podcast and then just for like my regular page and stuff like that tick-tock Instagram, facebook, traderion or TriggerTradie.
Speaker 1:All right, and with that we bid you adieu. Thank you for listening to me. To get a podcast. We're on YouTube Anything with a podcast. We got a website. What was it? Oh my God, meet them. Get a podcast Dot com. Our sponsors lost the sauce. Hot sauce, listen, eat it, it'll save your life. You can go lostandsawcom. It's amazing. So peace out. Yeah, they made them get up.
Speaker 4:Don't, don't go Always Okay yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.