What if the key to a fulfilling relationship is not in the grand gestures but in embracing the idiosyncrasies of your partner? What if the pitfalls of commitment, high expectations, and emotional dependence are more detrimental than they seem? In our thought-provoking podcast episode, we tackle these complex issues and bring you fresh insights into the world of relationships in the digital age.
We open the Pandora's box to discuss how social media can create unrealistic standards in relationships, leading to dissatisfaction and resentment. Drawing on relevant examples, such as the celebrated love story of Jay-Z and Beyonce, we highlight the importance of genuine affection over extravagant gifts. Further, we delve into the often intimidating realm of commitment and marriage. If a man can commit to having a child, why the hesitation when it comes to marriage? We explore this paradox and its subsequent implications in our society.
In the latter part of our conversation, we discuss the essence of marriage and how a lack of genuine affection can lead to loveless marriages. Emphasizing the need for independence, we caution against the perils of emotional dependence and its potential to breed resentment. We also critique the rising culture of perfectionism, arguing that it breeds unrealistic expectations and prevents us from appreciating our partners' unique quirks. Tune in for a candid conversation on love, commitment, and everything in between, that promises to challenge your preconceptions and offer a fresh perspective.
Support the Medium Ghetto Movement
Funds allow us to consistently create great content.
We also have a vision of "Medium Ghetto Game Nights" in a city near you.
Message of us for topics and possible guest appearance.
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Sponsor
Lost in The Sauce Hot Sauce Company
https://www.instagram.com/lostinthesauce_llc/
https://lostinthesauce.store/
Co-Host IG
Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
What if the key to a fulfilling relationship is not in the grand gestures but in embracing the idiosyncrasies of your partner? What if the pitfalls of commitment, high expectations, and emotional dependence are more detrimental than they seem? In our thought-provoking podcast episode, we tackle these complex issues and bring you fresh insights into the world of relationships in the digital age.
We open the Pandora's box to discuss how social media can create unrealistic standards in relationships, leading to dissatisfaction and resentment. Drawing on relevant examples, such as the celebrated love story of Jay-Z and Beyonce, we highlight the importance of genuine affection over extravagant gifts. Further, we delve into the often intimidating realm of commitment and marriage. If a man can commit to having a child, why the hesitation when it comes to marriage? We explore this paradox and its subsequent implications in our society.
In the latter part of our conversation, we discuss the essence of marriage and how a lack of genuine affection can lead to loveless marriages. Emphasizing the need for independence, we caution against the perils of emotional dependence and its potential to breed resentment. We also critique the rising culture of perfectionism, arguing that it breeds unrealistic expectations and prevents us from appreciating our partners' unique quirks. Tune in for a candid conversation on love, commitment, and everything in between, that promises to challenge your preconceptions and offer a fresh perspective.
Support the Medium Ghetto Movement
Funds allow us to consistently create great content.
We also have a vision of "Medium Ghetto Game Nights" in a city near you.
Message of us for topics and possible guest appearance.
Follow us on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/mediumghettopodcast/
Sponsor
Lost in The Sauce Hot Sauce Company
https://www.instagram.com/lostinthesauce_llc/
https://lostinthesauce.store/
Co-Host IG
Britt Carter
@miritheVirgo
Lyrics
Intro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
Intelligent, hood conversations, so why don’t come hang with the gang
Relatable topics, form coming up broke to the nonsense that all come along with these dames
From trust funds to trappin’, we cover it all, and with laughter
So, why don’t you come grab you a seat
From o’s to Othello, you know that we Medium Ghetto, and nothing can even compete
Outro Lyrics
It’s Medium Ghetto
And we thank y...
These welcome to the medium. Get a podcast with your host, jamar. That we got is Mary DeVargo and they.
Speaker 2:I know we started.
Speaker 1:I didn't know either, apparently.
Speaker 2:I was about to go straight into the song and she was gonna say I was oily.
Speaker 1:But with that being said, we're gonna be talking about high standards relationship, unreliably high standards of relationship. Well, we're gonna start with this. Let's start with this one comparing one's part into others, especially on social media and other other platforms, and creating dissatisfaction. Have you ever done that? No why so you never said, oh, that's nice what she got for Valentine's Day? All I got was dick.
Speaker 2:I have but not. Not because I envy what the other person is doing or social media is, because that's what I wanted for myself. It didn't get like they could have not got flowers and stuff and I still would have been like, dang, I ain't getting no flowers, just it so we have, we come to a consensus that sex isn't a viable like a gift on Valentine's Day no, um, it's not. I say no for y'all yeah hell.
Speaker 1:No, that's hard for the man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all. Yeah, what y'all?
Speaker 1:want y'all want flowers.
Speaker 2:Should we want something? I want some flowers some chocolate take. Y'all want us to decorate the hotel for you.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna get dressed up and buy a new teddy and then you spend a bunch of money and then expecting you to wear a teddy. That's the deal. And eclipse me?
Speaker 2:yes, period that's what y'all get here's the payment for the situation we get the gifts.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're gonna be Valentine's Day crazy a woman probably made it.
Speaker 3:I don't make the rules. I think it was like a.
Speaker 1:Catholic guy and it was not really about love. What about pedophiles? There's something like that same Valentine. She's like I'm gonna look this shit up, but well, she's looking at up like y'all, don't compare it to others, like you, don't be like yo, his girl are first. All this is what I said on Valentine's Day. And also this guy, my phone's got birthday. You know what she did on this guy for birthday? Instead of giving him kuchi, guess what she gave him?
Speaker 3:what a potchy at his house that's takes a lot of time and money and is pretty thoughtful yeah, like why I was, she raised the bar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I get that now, if I don't get something like that, I'm upset true, but I mean you looking from the outside, that could be.
Speaker 1:The only thing she gave is my whole gonna pass two years that's true mmm, she gonna make him pay for all the food and shit nah, he's definitely admitted that she really he didn't even think he was gonna get none so you probably right well, it was it was a real Asian guy too. It was no fake Asian bull eating it like the dollar. The dollar general about you was a really Asian cook dude that came there in the yard and had about you girls and it was a higher the chef. I thought she cooked it no, did the whole hibachi girl like the person came so what's the?
Speaker 1:problem like that's, he was no okay, now that I see that I'm comparing, am I gonna get something like that? Now she up the Annie now. I want it.
Speaker 2:I just I just entered the conversation, so you, don't ever compare I try not to compare right um happy ever compared yeah, of course, but they just leaves room for disappointment, because there's always something to compare yourself to always. There's always gonna be something that you want that's better than what you have, right. But you have to be able to differentiate if that is um the the tone of the relationship, like, I'm not gonna expect, you know, decorated hotel and flowers and stuff on Valentine's Day if that's not how me and my partner are, you know, and I'm not gonna go on social media and see somebody with that and be like, well, shit, you should have did that, when I know for a fact that I didn't expect that from you in the beginning.
Speaker 1:Right, I have stories of guys like saying yo like social media almost got them caught up where they couldn't give to their significant other. Like they see on social media like new cars and stuff.
Speaker 2:I mean, I get that some people do compare themselves to others and would like that type of treatment, like I see it, and I see how men would be intimidated by that type of stuff. But, um, do what you can be realistic in 2010 and it's 2023. You shouldn't even be thinking about that what you can, actually what they want, that's true which one's on a Sunday.
Speaker 3:I don't pay attention to what other couples do on the internet, because I do. You don't know what they got going on.
Speaker 2:You know I got you ain't got no relationship goals. Couple, I have goals.
Speaker 3:No, beyonce, jay-z, I don't know, no, you know who I love to watch. I like to watch the lease. Keep it running. Yes, I love watching them because they like some people this is out of here, does like he does everything to impress her like I want he wants his life, like he wants to do all this, anything he could possibly do to make her and their kids cool.
Speaker 3:Like he want them live the best life. From what I see, from what I can tell, and like he did it, like the way that he talks, when he talks about her and the way that he looks at her, and like you can, like when he prays and you listen to him pray, like that's what he's praying for. He's praying to be the one to provide them with more than they could have imagined even I see when.
Speaker 1:I see, like people say I see too much that shit on social media, I get it might be real. I'll be thinking like I don't like paying people on the pedestal, so I'll be thinking yeah no, is he hitting her?
Speaker 2:yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm saying like imagine that right if a guy buying you everything you need and he beat you up a couple times, you go through again. Beat up a couple times, yeah, no maybe I don't know. Okay for your business or whatever your the dream thing you need. Or you bought you a couple of houses. Would you take out a couple?
Speaker 2:of ass with us. I got too much pride for that, mm-hmm what we just practice as moves on you. Yeah, I'm practice, I'm a practice, I'm not.
Speaker 3:So in his ass unless there's like murder and game, where I can be on top over top of that person with the things that they give me with the ass whooping then you know. I mean like if I can get revenge somehow with your dollars, your ass whooping dollars so you was telling me they quantized.
Speaker 1:But the guy was like yo, all right. Well he, he was giving me like thousand dollars a week or like a month, or even like just paying for anything you want. But at one moment you, as soon as you disagree a little bit or you don't even think you're winning an argument, he hit you again, like I said, yeah, okay, if.
Speaker 3:I'm playing chess to eventually be there. Damn fall yes okay, so long if I can make a hundred thousand dollars offer this person and spend like ten thousand of my hundred thousand in the long game poisoning them. Yes, okay, so you're gonna take them ass.
Speaker 1:Whoops for the hundred hundred G's yes, basically, which is all the guys hundred G's ass, whoops bet that's all it takes for ass. With the hundred G's mm-hmm, I think guys, we compare now. I don't think guys do it. There was a guy. I'm isolated with it, I just be like it's we, it's us. I don't want us to compare.
Speaker 2:I'm actually scared of her over compare hmm, cuz you know that there's people out there doing better, right not?
Speaker 1:even that, like some guys have more time with their girls mm-hmm some like alright, let's say you know, the little guy cleans up, he does this for him, she does, he does a lot more access service stuff. Doesn't they get in got a job? You know I mean, but but in my eyes I think he has a job and I'm like how's you doing all this?
Speaker 3:stuff possible that person and my whole time.
Speaker 1:I don't know what their life really is and I'm like damn. I wish I could have more time. I'm tired. I don't know how they're making this time to pick her up from work, when we both get off at six. How the hell are you picking up from work and y'all always going to dinner the whole time, she paying for it?
Speaker 3:That's social media for you. That's why you ain't supposed to be looking at nobody else's situation.
Speaker 2:That's why you're not supposed to compare Right. Worry about yourself. I think it's um Healthy to see like other dynamics relationships Definitely but um, not to Do a side-by-side with your own and see like Was different and you know right. But um, sometimes you do have to look at other people's relationships and see like maybe Some things could change and get better, but not to Place Expectations on your partner.
Speaker 3:That right you see online you look at the principles of what you're watching, but not like just the application. Like you can watch other people's Relationships and be like, oh you know what. Like you know they talk With, like you know no holds bar Once a month or something like that, and any grievances that they have, like they share those once a month. Like maybe I Can do something like that in my relationship, you know, I mean have more open discussion, you know, without Holding stuff against you, you know these things like that are.
Speaker 3:That's healthy.
Speaker 2:Like me, you would have never thought of that, unless you see another couple doing it, you know, but yeah and then sometimes it is like I'm easier to say well, um, I saw this couple online and they they make it a thing to go out every Week on a date, just so that way they can find more, and I think that maybe we could work on implementing that in our relationship. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, like my brother-in-law and his wife, they go Every Sunday. They go to a different restaurant.
Speaker 2:But, I know couples that do that as well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like they always like they're always looking and researching for a new restaurant to go to, and you know, of course, that they're going like further and further out now Mm-hmm but they always go to a different one, they always try a different place. I thought that was cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's good to have Insights on others. But as far as comparing and like placing Expectations on your partner because of those comparisons that you're making, um, especially prior to having a conversation with your partner, I don't think that that's the right way to go about it. But I See what you're saying I see that's just me, but social media as a whole should not be too deeply rooted in any Relationship.
Speaker 1:All right. So like, let's talk about unrealistic relationship timelines. Like, are you let's say, if you're you and your boy, y'all you bring your man been together for like ten years and you, you girl, your girlfriends management in years and they've been married for like five? You never, you're not gonna be like yo. Why we? Why we married yet yeah, I Am.
Speaker 2:If me, me and my partner been together for ten years and we ain't married, is that, is that the question? I wouldn't even make it to two years. I'm a wife. Then, after a certain time, what are you? What are you? Even?
Speaker 3:What is it? What do you working? What are you working towards?
Speaker 2:and then For me that's that's also where, for me, with people that I know who are in long-term relationships and they're not married yet, like it gets weird after a while, like what do I call? Do I still call y'all boyfriend and girlfriend? Like I've been together two years, I got kids, y'all live together, yeah.
Speaker 1:So young? Oh, we don't. So y'all stand for like the people that be like oh well, we together, and we've been together forever, we're just, we're really married. We just ain't got and I'm married by law.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean if that's, if that works for y'all, that works for y'all is our for you. It won't work for me, mmm, absolutely not. I want to marriage Right, I want to be a wife. It's different for each couple. I want a title.
Speaker 3:I want to be together for 30 years Successfully. You kill over tomorrow.
Speaker 2:I want the money in my Account by the morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know it's crazy, like somehow recently I've at work their baby dad passed away right, and because it was just a baby dad, they couldn't get time off from work, they couldn't get any of his benefits from work, like their child was really just left with nothing, nothing and guess what? Our money goes to the mother, no mother, and then the mother got to give it to you or whatever she wouldn't do with it and she said fuck that.
Speaker 2:So now you got a child with one parent and nothing Leave nothing to your. Your Really what your next of kin? Your next of kin is not your mom. Yeah, If you have kids, that kids, yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean like oh it's only a piece of paper.
Speaker 2:No, it's not a piece of paper. No, it's not it comes with a responsibility, and it comes with a responsibility and preparation planning.
Speaker 1:And title me like yeah, like you don't get the debt you don't get the money from the life insurance or nothing, right cuz, even if they like right on paper and haven't noticed that if I die, all this goes to this person.
Speaker 3:Their family can fight you for it, yeah, or?
Speaker 1:it wants to go through that.
Speaker 3:See no no.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know why it's a lot of guys out here that's Trying to downplay what marriage, right, it's supposed to mean and should mean, especially to women. You're trying to explain marriage to women as if it's just like a piece of paper. That's not what we're talking about. Paper, that's not what we first of all is commitment. And why is there's so many men With children but no marriages? Yeah, why are you more inclined to have a, a baby, which is Me more of a commitment to marriage With a?
Speaker 3:woman.
Speaker 2:Rather than committed to being married first.
Speaker 1:I guess both. That's a lifetime commitment.
Speaker 3:That's a jumpin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it backwards, but if that's what we're seeing, that's what we're seeing, all but.
Speaker 3:Does the argument?
Speaker 2:The argument that I'm trying to get it with that is if you can commit To Having a child with a woman, why not Commit to a marriage with a woman?
Speaker 1:I Think, let's say from being a man that you know, I thought some, thought some, some top things. I was scared of commitment. What if you can always find better? What? If in my sick mind, we don't work out, but then I can find better.
Speaker 2:There's, there's always gonna be something better.
Speaker 1:Oh, why not? You know what is?
Speaker 3:worth it to you now, today.
Speaker 2:You could have a better job right.
Speaker 1:That's so quick to drop always applying other jobs.
Speaker 3:You don't know. Once you get there, that is better.
Speaker 1:That's true. Yeah, I think that's one big thing too. It's like you don't realistically, you like I Can always do better, or you want that backdoor because commitment me.
Speaker 3:No, I mean, you know that's true. Baby, having kids, but they don't get taken care of in their old age.
Speaker 2:Just If you take a walk around the nursing homes.
Speaker 1:First of all, like older men don't actually be, most of them don't get to a nurse on because, no, I pay for that shit. We usually just died in the crib. You know, it's more women and there's a.
Speaker 3:In the law apartment.
Speaker 1:Yeah what permit meant the older guys.
Speaker 2:And sometimes the state they're pensions.
Speaker 1:Yep, so most. It's crazy because most women actually get into nursing homes and there's almost cost of pretty penny. They do actually being yeah, cuz they got a Cascade here, but we ain't gonna go there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like, dang, we done with that a dirt hole or the darkest hole.
Speaker 3:She will be prepared. So if you want the internet talking about how women be single and die alone, they don't. They die with their friends and family by their side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're blue face, or blue faces, mom.
Speaker 3:God, here what she catches trees, blue face gonna be the one who dies alone.
Speaker 1:No, we go. Blue faces, mom, is the reason he liked that. At first I was like I think his mind one condone this, and then I see the video of his mom's not donating it now. Now, blue faces, like he should have a baby with Megan Estallion. She ain't much anything. And she got she. She got shot in her foot. What's she? She ain't too good for him, oh.
Speaker 2:Oh, anyways, we're gonna go to our age blue face mom no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then blue face mom pretty much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, blue face and Christian is like 22 or something.
Speaker 2:They're a little younger.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it's crazy to think about.
Speaker 1:Like your mom is the one like I. First I was like no, condoning this shit. And his mom really was condoning this shit. Like who. I was like who's supporting this shit? And his mom I know where it's saying shit like that. Your mom is a fuck boy, so how your mom a fuck boy?
Speaker 3:some parents be trying for a good black animal.
Speaker 1:You're right I.
Speaker 2:Think that you All right, this is, this is how. This is what I think our relationship for me, timeline wise, looks like, and you tell me if it's unrealistic. I would like to date somebody for about like three to six months, then become a girlfriend one to two years, get engaged, be engaged for one to two years, then be married for the rest of them, renew vows every five.
Speaker 1:I think two years of house, we good. This is especially in this economy I'm focused you but especially in this world right now, um like I, rather have a long engagement than be a long-time girlfriend. I see what you're saying like you know, this person is gonna they put thing back in the wall and be like yo we gonna do this shit.
Speaker 2:I rather be like my fiancee after three or four years, then my girlfriend.
Speaker 1:No disrespect, no disrespect for the, for the guys who haven't proposed yet, but most of the time a guy if he's serious about shit, he know he wanted to marry you after like two years for sure if no way. I am like this. If I don't know, if two years I want to break, I'm thinking my way, my exit plan.
Speaker 3:I'm either they about leaving you or staying with you right, it's a brutal honesty of the world but I didn't say that they know like yeah, like really fast, whether they actually want to build something with you or not, and a lot of times they don't propose because it'll fill it down in position for it.
Speaker 1:Yet and sometimes, when you force it, they'll marry you, but it's not gonna work out because they still not married in their mind, right? They just gave you. They just gave you a son to pacify you right.
Speaker 2:So why do you guys think that long-term relationships are a thing like what will if you're, alright, so if you're in a long-term relationship, with the point of moving to a marriage like, it doesn't at that point is just like circumstance, speaking for myself as a long, as a long oh yeah, yeah, boys. I've been together for seven years, right, so what would? What would make him be like alright, it's time to be married now you know, I didn't ask him that not a fuck thing.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes it's two things right, it's a few things one. The wrong thing is obligation. Imagine never get married out of obligation. We should actually want to be with you, right? So I?
Speaker 2:mean? Is that not established in a long-term relationship or?
Speaker 1:that's not like so all right, let's say if a girl put a lot of pressure on you to marry her, we'll try to pacify you because we feel like it's an obligation. Now that I've been with you this long not that I actually want to be with you, since I'm already here our minds will set my camp up is how it feels in a man's mind, which is that absolute, wrong fucking thing to do. Notice from experience obligation is marriage, from obligation is a dumb reason, cuz eventually you don't realize you don't agree like why?
Speaker 2:and here's why because I just think that sometimes we little push at work. You have what obligations. Sometimes you may not want to do what. You do it right and that does what for the company, makes the company run smoother as a team. You don't want to do it, you do it now. Hey, everybody's happy not the guy.
Speaker 1:Really the guys never really happy well, because there's no, there was never a benefit to marry you go find somebody that will make you happy.
Speaker 2:What is?
Speaker 1:but now I got an unset camp and I already got comfortable with you so now you're just staying there to be comfortable yes, that's for
Speaker 3:the best shit it's not bad and it's not good.
Speaker 2:You don't feel like you're wasting time because you're not miserable, you don't feel like you're wasting time, but you are a, because now I got a person that fulfills my company, like I can go out eat with somebody, right.
Speaker 1:I always have a friend with somebody, or so I never feel lonely because that person's always there.
Speaker 2:My sexual urges are actually fulfilled, right, but it's just okay it's like the it's a purgatory, because we have everything that you want.
Speaker 1:You just don't want the marriage part yeah, it's kind of like I want my cake and I'm eating it.
Speaker 2:I eat it too yeah, that's what I'm saying about the, the long-term relationship thing. You got everything, so what's the point of getting married? And for some people that works. Some people don't even want to be married and that's fine for them. But if you're with, if that's the situation, and you're with a woman that wants to be married and you don't want to be married, and you right, that's you feel obligated to be married there because she wants marriage and you don't and you just want to pass a fire.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying is, you should always have time yeah, you should break it off.
Speaker 1:Don't hurt y'all both of y'all cells once y'all get married is a lot more personal when y'all break up men do that, though they'll like you said.
Speaker 2:You've done it. You just thought it was the right thing to do and I felt like our. A man should never feel like he's settling and a lot of women should never feel like so a woman.
Speaker 1:A man should never feel like he's settling, and that's what the obligation come from a man. We feel like that we're settling like selling to a man is not a good thing. Like it's like me. It's like dating a girl.
Speaker 3:I'm feeling like that's because you're looking when you're worried about other things that you don't have me like you can't feel like you're settling, if you're actually happy where you're at like, obviously there couldn't be something out there. But who knows if the person that you think in your head you're supposed to have don't even want you? That's true like you're not really settling, you're just in your life, like this is what's happening right now fear of missing out.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I think I discontent and that's like where a fairer commitment comes from too is like what, if I can be out in these streets, into someone else out there? Right and you'd be out there forever yeah, I'll be out there with my grace hey, baby, more than the ones you got yeah, no kind of my grace.
Speaker 1:My grace is amazing, my grace is amazing. So, like by line is don't get married out of obligation. And if you feel like it's obligation, bro, you gotta be like do you actually love this woman or not? And if a guy don't get on his knees, I don't think you should marry. And it's the reason why. Cuz it takes if you can't home, be yourself For a woman that you don't really want right now. That's my. That's the hard thing about that get on my knees. That'll be on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z.
Speaker 1:I didn't actually, but emotional dependence? I Didn't. I did not honor myself, but did I you know that ask somebody to be my girlfriend for a long time? I?
Speaker 3:don't think I ever actually gonna be my girlfriend.
Speaker 1:It's just my girlfriend.
Speaker 3:It just happens.
Speaker 1:I thought I need to be like.
Speaker 3:I'm like I was a long time, but like. We never said stuff, it just like happened, like, oh, and then now we just moving together because we need to move, and then you already be here all the time, so you might as well just move with me. And then Years go by and then you just be, you be worried about your own individual shit, and then one day you start, you know, playing in together shit, and then wherever so you don't.
Speaker 1:So marry him. You just you don't, you don't agree with that. Oh.
Speaker 2:No, especially nowadays, like people be moving how they want to move, so I need to know how we move it. Like I, I don't care if we together all the time. It's been proven time and time again that people will live double lives. They could be with you all day but then them a couple hours that you're not with them, he's with somebody else, or big. They've said then somebody else behind your back, but I didn't say the person wasn't shit.
Speaker 3:If they move and how they want to move that they move and how they want to move.
Speaker 2:They have a right to do that, because we're not together. Then they don't know if we don't establish that we're monogamous and together and doing things as Together people, then I guess go ahead and do what you want to do. That's not. That doesn't mean you ain't shit. That just mean that we are, we just single.
Speaker 3:But they just do stuff with you if they really like you like that.
Speaker 2:Not necessarily they can like. A lot of people like that. No, then they're not really really ready for no real relationship and that brings me to my point if we're not Establishing Relationship like officially, like we go together, real bad yeah, I think I don't play like that after I'm on it.
Speaker 1:Like at first I was such a goal with the one type person, but now I like I need to let this person know that I value them enough and I really care about them enough and I really want I think I need to ask you to be my girlfriend, mm-hmm, I need to hold your hands and look in your eyes and really make that a key moment now. If, from all our relationship failures, I think I need to do that for sure, I don't. I think a lot more things need to be more intentional.
Speaker 1:Right um just learning from things.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, like I want to be able to know when things are progressing, which is why yeah. I and one which I indicate for marriage in which I think that's a good bad.
Speaker 1:I think that's one of your first thousands would be like your girlfriend, Like okay you be, hey, I really mean you know. I mean you start getting them like I really want you to be my girlfriend. A lot of times you're not really affirming her that you really want her and that's that's gonna mess you up even in your head. Like man, we're like Honor duty, but we never give that honor duty to a girl Not to be a simp selling ass. Nigga, I probably get a lot in the comments for saying that.
Speaker 1:I think that's what I felt, that like. Now I'm gonna be like I've really been thinking about you know. I mean I'm really gonna be gonna brunch. We're gonna talk about that, communicate and Exactly communicate intentions and like next age of things. Hey, babe, I really been thinking. Have you been thinking about purchasing homes?
Speaker 1:You know me like the next steps, like you got a, got a like I think like one thing, like when they be like men don't want to leave, what man be like I want to leave, and in our mind, leading me, just do some random shit and hope you'd be like, oh, he's doing some shit over there, let me go follow him with doing some shit he didn't explain me to do. I think that's what we think leading is. But leading is Communication. Yeah, me saying hey, miriam, how you feel about this? Like this, cuz, I really wanted to start progressing towards this.
Speaker 2:How do you Exactly, picking up the?
Speaker 1:future. But like me, not communicating is not and just doing is not. Actually Leaning is part is is communication.
Speaker 3:It is.
Speaker 1:We're gonna talk about emotional dependence. You remember what Well a pimping ace look back said to Tom who that you mericent voodoo. He said Bit crying bitch. He called it chronic bitch dependency. Though he said chronic bitch dependency will mess up your money. It will make you lose your friends. Oh, fuck your relationship. But. But like now the month.
Speaker 1:I Would it but like emotions, dependency. Is this alright? Let's say I don't feel loved, so I want you to feel that whole. But now, once you stop making me feel love, I'm, but I gotta go find love somewhere else because you're not fulfilling that whole.
Speaker 2:To me when I think about emotional dependence, is those People that you date that don't have no friends yeah, reflect and they need you for everything and they need you for everything, or those women that you'll date, that will like cut off all her contact with her friends, just yeah right, just a focus on just the focus on the man. I've lost a lot of friends that way and I'm just like.
Speaker 1:Oh, I seen a whole. I seen it one my friends. His sister kicked him out Because she got a new man, and a new man was like oh, I think we should have the house to ourselves. Well, it was a family house, but she kicked him out of the family house because she would need a more room for her new man.
Speaker 2:That wasn't right. Oh so that was hers, Exactly right. It was a family house.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that wasn't right.
Speaker 2:Um Um.
Speaker 3:Get up and bounce.
Speaker 2:I think I'm a proud advocate for those who have lives outside of their relationships. I think that you should never Put all of that pressure of life itself or your partner. Like your, you're always spending Time with your partner anyway. So now, whatever you're going through in life, you're taking them along with every single thing and they also have to go through their own baggage Instead of you like spreading it out through the people in your life. Like you can't talk to your friends about everything that's going on, you can't talk to your mom about everything that's going on, but you can talk to them about certain things that you know that they can help you with, yep. So when you put all of that on one person, look yeah, they gonna feel good luck.
Speaker 1:I think that happened to me at one point and I was in school. I had two jobs holding the household up and like I couldn't always I could be with you for two days. It was like I wasn't hanging out with the person, but it was like things I couldn't, I just didn't have enough energy and resources at time for just turning and this person was slowly.
Speaker 1:We're not regretting it. What was it cause? Resenting me, mm-hmm. Because of things like that, this dream, and and now you? It's not. It's unfair for you to start resenting that person because they don't feel your emotional buckets, because you don't have the emotional intelligence to figure out yourself and you don't know how to fulfill yourself right asshole.
Speaker 2:I yeah, so I don't believe that you should rely on your partner for all of your emotional needs. Maybe like a lot of it, but all of it, absolutely not the things that are related to being in a relationship. I think you could go beyond that a little, a Lot. I just don't think that everything mm-hmm At every moment to mm-hmm like if y'all both going through time at the same time. Now what you're gonna do? Jump on each other. You can.
Speaker 3:What you're going through is related to your partner. You can't talk to him about it.
Speaker 1:Mmm, I think it, but all comes down to day in and being a Functional person. You ever try to date a dysfunctional person? No, I have man's business dysfunctional. They don't know, so always needs another that always seeks relationships.
Speaker 1:No no or like other contact was like the opposite sex to get validation. So who always needs the validations? And like so who like literally, I bet someone I can't stand. If they, they can't stand on their own, pretty much they can't pay bills, they can't be an adult. All right, I'm gonna say this they can't be a functioning adult by themselves. But they are. How many people out there like that though?
Speaker 1:This is you being human resources right. For every two jobs they have, there is one opening, meaning there's 50% of all the jobs out here there's unemployed. I'm just saying this doesn't sound like a bunch of niggas sitting at home, but One thing I'm gonna do is get a job Found like that one get another one, but like alright, so you have your own spot, your own car. I'm saying a person who just can't figure nothing that out.
Speaker 3:What about a whole post actual?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hope those actuals. What about it? Like you got like a person who can't figure out how to get their own spot, their own car.
Speaker 2:What about it?
Speaker 1:This is a place to live on her in their own rules.
Speaker 2:What about it?
Speaker 1:That's not a functional person. I mean they're, they're like they're not functional if they can't get those things what they gotta do with me. Listen, man, are you dating people out the whole, both sexes?
Speaker 2:No, no more. I'm doing niggas with money. My next nigga look, my next nigga, y'all you're gonna know Cuz I'm gonna tell y'all right now I'm not doing no one that is with no money. My next nigga just know he gonna have that and he's spending on me. You know I worry about that. But the niggas in the past see a, y'all was broke, y'all was homeless.
Speaker 3:You know I had no cars. I ain't never I ain't have good jobs.
Speaker 2:I know education barely.
Speaker 3:That's common mm-hmm. I never dealt with no.
Speaker 2:Homeless if they didn't have a home that was theirs. That's homeless, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:I remember one time I went on a date with somebody and and we was talking about like what we had going on, and I was like, oh, getting ready to Move into my own place, and it was like, oh for you. It was like, look, I'm not typing at you. If you ask me to move it with you tomorrow, I'm moving with you, and I was just like no.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 3:Would I say look, come on, I'm blocking this motherfucker as soon as I leave watch. I Did he stole food out of my wallet, but I still.
Speaker 1:Damn that. He at least drive to you. No he walked into the bus. Yo, you know it's cool. Like art I can say this is like right. At one point Y'all ladies like pit, like guys, y'all see y'all stuff, what y'all like to take your time with us sometimes. But then, like some of the holes, the thought guys y'all like drop them draws, think it's more immediately. So I used to act like I didn't drive my car. I said what I took the bus to see.
Speaker 1:If I could, you know, I Could be a one-night stand used to act like oh yeah, I used to be like a, he's a, you know, I'm at my car like five blocks away. I was like no tip the bus, it did. I mean one night stands I had, and it was like they didn't they were just like they try to get the most out of the night with me the whole time forever again. Yeah, and then like they was sure either they was like that or it was like you can come back to the crib. But yeah, but they probably.
Speaker 3:I had a whole time at the car, everything they got the pretend to be the man for the night and then it was nice. I still paid and I heard it.
Speaker 1:And that was nice. I was trying to, because every time I act like I had resources, they, but they started talking about the future and shit, I Wasn't looking for the future about resources, probably too soon and too early, and I got you know what do for work. She, I start lying. I go to McDonald's. Oh, I was a shit for that that year.
Speaker 2:I definitely had the most hoes when I live with my mom.
Speaker 1:You're like when people see you have less. Sometimes they're like if I lose this nigga, I didn't lose nothing, cuz he ain't got shit.
Speaker 3:I definitely had the most holes when I was sleeping on my couch.
Speaker 2:Like how, how does that work Like Inside of my apartment?
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying, like you literally are. If you, it's like what you focus on, I realized like like lay out something like with Sex there. But she was like telling, like you're, 50% of sex is like, it's like mental. So if a bum, nigga, or if you're a bum, all you gonna hope for is good dick, so that's all you focus on. If a bitch ain't got nothing but coach, or you focus on good coaching, so at the end of the night that's what you get. So if you are like our, I already can't focus on seeing the future this guy, what I'm gonna get for this. I'm like that's what you won't get, shit. I remember a girl thought I was so bad. She Disrespected me. I was like yo, I came over so oh, you want to take a shower first. Like bitch, I took a shower before I got over here. Now you don't think a man comes real creative taking already shower. No, oh shit.
Speaker 3:Ever. If I ever needed to be single again, god forbid, I'll be fucked up cuz I find man dirty. Yes, like every one that I look at, I just like.
Speaker 2:I mean, I worry.
Speaker 3:I don't mean. I wonder if he didn't take a shower, he didn't wash his ass, good enough. I assume that about every single one.
Speaker 2:I Did it a guy and he never used a washcloth. He said it hurt his skin.
Speaker 1:I think it's a washcloth.
Speaker 2:I gave him a washcloth to wash up one time. He spent a, he spent the night and you know how to wash clothes to be like dry and you see it, and it was still dry. I'm like I'm like why you didn't use a washcloth. He was just in the shower. What? Oh? I don't use washcloths.
Speaker 3:So what? You use your hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you didn't have a what they call on jewels that like take your skin, they take the day dancing off.
Speaker 3:Exploiter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got exfoliator in. I got a cloth.
Speaker 2:I just told you it hurts his skin, so I'm like so happy.
Speaker 3:Right, this is not taking nothing off, it's just mirroring shit around Anyway so that just proves my point, and I work in healthcare.
Speaker 2:Oh god.
Speaker 1:Jennifer.
Speaker 3:Jennifer, you've seen some things. I.
Speaker 2:Know for a fact that meant this I mean tonight care about the wash-in, wash-out Rule. They don't, doctors included you have worked alongside a doctor who Did not wash his hands.
Speaker 1:Don't get fucked up, guys. That's what she's saying.
Speaker 2:Don't get fucked up, no just be more Hygiene conscious, I would say I Just, I, just I feel like y'all the reason why a corona virus spread it the way, the wrong of virus, anyway let's go.
Speaker 1:Let's go on to the last topic right here Perfectionism, could you? Just you know, you know perfectionism Ism, ism, wasn't he said, perfectionism professional, all right, so Right. I think this is the main culprit of many things like Like your standards. Being realistic is having a perfect person.
Speaker 2:I'm a perfectionist.
Speaker 1:I'm a Virgo. I remember you told me you want a nigga that subtle, well dressed Like get bitches, but don't get bitches.
Speaker 2:Who's that?
Speaker 1:I'll drive me that last part up.
Speaker 2:He made all of it up cuz I never said anything about how the person had to look. It's all about it, because every, every, all that Exterior stuff can be fixed. If you don't know how to dress, I could put some clothes on you. Okay, I could put some clothes on you, spoiler.
Speaker 3:I feel like expecting all your, all your you know shit to be to be checked off by one person is irrational.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why I don't. I don't really make a list of my perfect guy, because I feel like everybody has something different about them. Anyway, I try to find what's unique about the people that I need, right? Um, I Don't have a type. I Don't know if I date the same type of people.
Speaker 1:I just watching with what you, what you've shown you're attracted to, was attracted to, was attracted to, a couple of them been leo's, a few been lepers. You know one you didn't notice? Oh, we're a Leo. Yeah, I knew they were Uh-huh, nothing but um you trying to date Leo.
Speaker 2:man, I don't know what you talking about. He's just talking about his ass at this point, man.
Speaker 1:I ain't got it.
Speaker 2:The people that I did it.
Speaker 3:Well, I feel like that's why I love people be single virtually well.
Speaker 1:What Harshal good, I'm talking to you.
Speaker 3:They be looking for everything in the person I Be looking for a good amount. They be looking at baby. They don't like the wrong stuff, like stuff that I don't even really matter I mean, some things really do matter like I don't like people who chew up.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I can't deal with that Leo's be like in me.
Speaker 1:But you like the attention.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Leo's will show it off the bed. I like you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, cuz Leo's a show offie. They want to say I like you, so you see how you respond. They might have said I really like you to like five people.
Speaker 1:I did you know I like I, like a bitch that rejected that. Reject niggas.
Speaker 2:And I usually that's what I do for what Leo's. I don't really give him the time of day at first.
Speaker 1:I like a joint. I'd be like nah, bro, damn. She said nah, you know me, I like a joint. I can reject, like the chase. I like that, you know. So when I I feel like the more you reject, the more Value you have, yeah cuz like a woman.
Speaker 1:Like you know, it's a hundred guys always going after a girl. You can be a Ugly John with a big booty. Get attention From every nigga, no matter what you really look like on your body. Good, apparently. And if you live like, the more I Guess exclusive you are, the more value you have a certain man.
Speaker 3:That makes sense. Don't buy one of my ass foot of streets.
Speaker 1:Like one girl was like I had 30, I think, who said it was a Brittany, your gardener, something. Runner up her name, she says she had like 35 bodies At like a young age. That's a lot of bodies. I'll be on one body. I'll be on like one body for like a couple years, you know man. Yeah you got 35 bodies before 30. That's a problem. It's a lot of.
Speaker 3:That makes sense. So you need to save your everybody standers for a lot is different, I mean.
Speaker 2:I'm not talking about, I'm not gonna speak on women in there. They're sexual preferences, so that's. That's a man thing, so you.
Speaker 1:but it's like that's how men think, like if someone else don't got it, I want it. It's like I'll be mad at shit if everybody had the same shirt on.
Speaker 3:The history doesn't matter it's. Can they curve? One hook is for you today, not, did they say yes?
Speaker 2:No, he's speaking on the history he's talking about the 35 bodies.
Speaker 3:That's a problem why Do you want somebody don't know they do, or do you want somebody doing?
Speaker 1:I write has someone who don't know, they do that's weird. That was not.
Speaker 3:No, that's not even weird.
Speaker 1:No, all right, so we don't even be. First of all, everybody is a bunch of the baddest. You only be pillow princesses.
Speaker 3:What is it?
Speaker 1:you sit there is later you do like 90% of the work. I was burned calories on the orange juice after, so I smacked, but like what I've been, what has been pillow princesses, you know ones that was like, yeah, that pillow princess.
Speaker 2:So what? What does that mean?
Speaker 1:Like all, I don't matter if you a pillow princess.
Speaker 3:So they just be laying there yeah, so the?
Speaker 2:so the bodies don't count, cuz they just had to, didn't put in a word.
Speaker 1:There's no skills built there, my nigga oh.
Speaker 2:So he's saying that they might will have two bodies 35 because you ain't learned nothing from the other.
Speaker 3:And nigga never.
Speaker 1:I won't book what nigga ever said I was the worst sexer ever in my life. Wouldn't they ever told the truth?
Speaker 3:A bunch of them where I was in high school and I complained about the one same chick who was a pillow princess apparently. But they also after yes, they know that before that, and then they all discover that at the same time, I bet you they'll probably do it again. Yeah most likely.
Speaker 1:They don't care. I think, profession isn't what me would be like. Too many bodies. You know me by my child, ain't no, no hole.
Speaker 2:What a pretty winner was like. Now I really only got like three a pitch line. So y'all just lie cuz I'll never know how much. You really got three, I Guess that's three, then Multiplying by three, nine oh we're going, we're gonna end it with this one what's the perfect?
Speaker 1:What's the? What's your perfect guy? They call you best in person, you would? Um, I'm snitch, I don't have no perfect guy.
Speaker 3:That's a good summer easier to tolerate than others. This is how you get on single who's toleratable.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 3:you look forward to hmm. I think, a perfect nothing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's true. You won't be like you know. You kind of like somebody when little things irritate you, Bob.
Speaker 3:They were like my little things don't irritate you, or you can they irritate you, but they're like, that's just them being them right, that's just their, that's just bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a bad job. You like damn, I like this bitch. I don't know how I.
Speaker 2:Throw bitches and. And now you just now apologizing for this one time out of many.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I'm trying to turn around.
Speaker 2:Let me start playing with a salt chicken.
Speaker 1:Don't break it up it's time to go with. That being said, we bid you a do Make sure you subscribe, like, follow, fly over here. Whatever you need to do, yes and follow us on IG Medium ghetto and follow us on the medium ghetto channel on YouTube. Peace out, boy Scout.