Creating Champions: The Role of Parents in Adolescent Learning

What if you could fortify your child's academic journey, equipping them with the tools for a successful future? Unlock the secrets to proactive parenting as we engage in an insightful conversation with TD, esteemed educator and host of the Thriving for Learning Podcast. This episode tackles the significant role parents play in adolescent learning, highlighting the importance of parental involvement and how it can impact your child's path to success. 

TD brings over 20 years of experience to this riveting discussion, and she sheds invaluable light on how major life changes can stir a child's educational journey. We also dive fearlessly into the disturbing reality of drug abuse among young teens. As we further navigate through TD's wealth of knowledge, we explore the profound issues of multi-generational trauma and teen pregnancy. We then shift gears to the practicalities of helping children plan for their future, whether through academics, trade, or military service.

The conversation doesn't stop there; TD passionately discusses how parents can balance work and parenting responsibilities without compromising their involvement in their children's education. She underscores the importance of budgeting and proactive check-ins, advising how these practices can free up more time for parental engagement. Plus, she shares how technology can serve as a lifeline, keeping parents connected with their children's progress at school. This episode promises to be a treasure trove of insights for parents and caregivers determined to fortify their children's journey to success. Tune in!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

Welcome to the Medium Ghetto Podcast with your host, Jamar. Today we got TD in the building. What's up, TD? Hi?

Speaker 2: 0:36

How are you doing?

Speaker 1: 0:37

Jamar, and what podcast are you coming from?

Speaker 2: 0:40

I have the podcast called Filing for Learning Podcast. It's for parents and caregivers to make sure that they have the resources, the information, to make sure their kids are on track for learning and to stay on track for success.

Speaker 1: 0:56

Oh, that's dope. So you're like parent. So let me get this for your parent. I mean your coaching parents.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Yes, in other words, yeah, making sure they have the strategies. I've been an educator for over 20 years and one of the things that really concerns me is I've had a lot of parents say you know their child is behind. They know it because you know they might be in seventh grade, but that second grade teacher really messed up and didn't do what they're supposed to do and their kid is behind. But I want to make sure that parents know that they can be empowered to support their kids and get resources and do all the things they need to do to make sure their kids have the advantage instead of a disadvantage.

Speaker 1: 1:41

That's what you're saying. So do you really think it's the second grade teachers fault all the way?

Speaker 2: 1:46

It's definitely not. You know teachers, of course. You know they come in all shapes, sizes and proficiency levels, right? So some of them are wonderful, some of them may not be. Some of them, you know, might get pregnant and be out most of the school year. There's substitutes. A range of things happen, right? So it's really our parents. You know parents are the first teachers and they are the constant teachers, right? And so we really need to make sure that parents know what to do, know how to do it and to make sure the kids are on track. You know, because we know that, generationally, a lot of our community has been underserved by education systems for various reasons. So we have to make sure that we empower ourselves and get the knowledge that we need, get access to the resources so that our kids can, you know, get what they need and have that multi-generational success. So that's what we really need to do.

Speaker 1: 2:54

All right, but in this episode it's going to be about adolescents and how adolescents aren't an autopilot. Just because you know they can feed themselves doesn't mean you know they can feed themselves the right mentally.

Speaker 2: 3:06

Exactly. Yeah, we see that there's a trend that once kids get into middle school that parent participation really drops and parents kind of think, oh, it's okay for here. Or sometimes parents will already like pigeonhole their children, like she's just not into education, she's not really, you know. Or this kid is into education, they're fine, they'll be good, but this kid, you know, we just hope they graduate. You know, kind of my parents have told me that actually because they already have a set kind of idea about who this kid is and how they're going to move forward from there.

Speaker 1: 3:49

So oh, that's a bad joke, so I can tell you my story. So I guess that's what happened to me. I was a straight A student into ninth grade. So I got my first D and my first B and my first F in ninth grade.

Speaker 2: 4:05

Your parents. You just got involved, or your parents were like thinking you're good, or what happened there?

Speaker 1: 4:10

So I pretty much moved with my grandparents. My grandfather died so we moved to my mom, but my mom just started. I guess this is the first time my mom started raising us so she thought it was cool on autopilot because I got order symptoms who are pretty much out of high school at this point. So I'm like last one.

Speaker 2: 4:26

Right.

Speaker 1: 4:27

And she was like all right, he's already a good kid. But I'm like yo, I need a new school. I'm literally telling you what I need. So I just stopped going to school and I was just coming to school for midterms and finals and I would just tell her I was like I just couldn't. I was interested in school because it was boring.

Speaker 2: 4:43

This is really interesting. Another thing parents need to think about kids go through major changes. You had loss and you moved. Those are two major issues. And you started high school, it sounds like too.

Speaker 2: 4:56

So, it's like parents need to sometimes think about that, because my podcast talks about academics, but we also talk about those other things that affect kids and their educational journey. So sometimes you know mental health as an issue. Right, when they have a major loss, I know they may not just be crying a lot or something like that. That doesn't mean that they don't need counseling or they don't need support, and sometimes parents don't like dial into that because different kids handle things different ways. Different kids may be crying a lot and you're like, oh, this kid's really affected where someone's really quiet, but other things are happening, like they stopped going to school. They're just not loud about what they do, or you might see them pretty calm, but then at school they're getting into all this trouble. You're like what's going on? It's like, so you have to be doused into kids, not just on an academic level, but also these other factors.

Speaker 2: 5:52

My last episode really talked about drug abuse amongst teens. It's starting early, you know, and again, kids can get it in different ways. Like you know, before we might think like, oh, just maybe on the street or something, but they, you know, their friends might just pass them appeal. And you have to understand now like with fentanyl and different drugs like that on the market. That's not like oh, I just got high today. It's like no, you might pass away today, like you know. It's like that's it, like that was a mistake and there's no coming back from it Any stories about it.

Speaker 2: 6:32

Well, we definitely have had. You know, I mean I'm in the Los Angeles area but you know, across the United States, you know, kids are dying. And when we were talking earlier you were saying, like, just because they're at home, and that's right. And I saw kids and I saw that on the news. I don't know where they were located, but it was a newscaster's child. Like her kid was at home but he got a delivery and the delivery was drugs. He was in his room, dead, you know, you know. So it's like you have to really be doubting to what the kids are doing. What are they ordering? And some people are really lax about that now, like, oh, he just ordered some food, or he just ordered some. Checkout what your kid ordered. Like you be all up in it, parent, because you don't know what that is. And they do a good job of like hiding what it is. They look like a McDonald's back or whatever, but who knows what's in there and that just to get drugs that's handed off to from their friends or something like that.

Speaker 1: 7:32

So it's important. So like fentanyl, like, so when I like well, I've last seen with these kids hasn't been fentanyl, it had just been maybe marijuana or like pills, but it's been fentanyl.

Speaker 2: 7:48

Well, I don't know all about the drugs. I had someone come one as to talk about it, you know. So I don't know what form it. I know that there are pills that can be deadly, because there was a child that died from some kind of pill that was taken, but I don't know the details about what that was and what they took, and we know that people you know, like you know who knows what they're doing. I don't know. You know people mix up stuff step one, step. I don't know what it was, but you just have to be careful. But I just know this one report I saw the kid was at home and he had a delivery and that delivery ended up being a fatal Drug that he and he took from you know. So you have to be careful, yeah, but yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:41

So parents need to be involved, right, and also think about not just pigeonholing the kids, saying, oh, they're not into school, try to feel, figure out what Can hook them into school and hook them into learning, because some kids just say, well, I don't want to go to college, right, but of course they could get a trade, they could become an entrepreneur, so, but they need a lot of skills. They need their writing and their reading skills. They're math skills, to be on point. So you need to help them dial into that you know Read about, watch videos, find out information for what they're going to do if they're gonna be an entrepreneur or something like that. So don't just have them dial out of Education because they're not a Nerd or whatever people have and they're mind about what it is.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Some yeah, I think education needs to be like look as like a lifelong thing, and if you want to be an entertainer.

Speaker 1: 9:43

You just pitch your child and Places that he can be an entertainer if he wants to be in sports pit of the sports. I think you're right. We do pigeon home kids and either to likes if they don't want to do the sports, or college or like. Well, it is what it is, get a job. But honestly, just having no plan and going about it is the wrong way. When you just get out of high school, just no plan at all.

Speaker 2: 10:07

Yeah, try to get, encourage them to get a trade or something like that. Some of my family members are in them, in the military, so they're like, okay, go to the military, go to college. They kind of give them a couple ideas. In my family we have multi-generational Cosmetologists, so we do, I mean, like they do really well in business and so that's another track, right? Um, but you know, there's lots of things like plumbing, like I need someone to do that, like I don't know how to do that, I need to pay someone to do it and that's a, you know, a really good paying job. So we have to think outside the box. Help them develop a plan, even if they're not feeling like, okay, I'm gonna go to college or I'm gonna go, you know that, that academic route you know and like, what expectations do you see the parents put on their children?

Speaker 1: 11:02

Like, are they good or bad? Like, for example, like one expectations I heard from you know, just from my mom, not throwing my mom under the bus a hundred times, still love her, but um, she said, what was it? Like these I don't think people understand. You kids will remember this for like the rest of their lives me say certain stuff. She says as long as you guys don't go to jail, I'm cool and I'm like I've got higher expectations for myself.

Speaker 2: 11:29

I mean, yeah, it's interesting because we're dealing with a lot of times when black people are dealing with multi-generational trauma. We're dealing with multi-generational um, you know, trying to beat some of that right and so like, um, we also have multi-generational, like teen pregnancy in my family and I still fit that category, but at the low end. I had my daughter in 19. So, um, like at the higher end, like we do have like some 14 year olds in the family and then all the way to like me that's 19 and um, uh yeah, it's kind of like, well, yeah, you're 20, you made it out, you didn't, you didn't get pregnant, like yay, so we need to, yeah, we definitely need to raise the bar for our kids.

Speaker 2: 12:16

Um, and then that's also what I see, like when we have, when I have, we have all of these people in my family who are like really young mothers and fathers. We're like, okay, once you're 18, you're out, because you know, when I was 18, I was having kids, I was doing so it's like, no, we need to support them, you know. And, like we are, I was trying to tell my family members like Even rich people, they support their kids. So they're like, whenever age right, like, but as poor, like black people who are like really young parents, are like you 18, you out the house and not really giving them that support that they need through those early adult years.

Speaker 2: 12:55

So I just think it's like we have to reframe, we have to think about, like, where we come from and kind of reframe it, and that's how we kind of beat the, that's how we beat the multi-generational, because we're not trying to do the same thing that they did to us like I was 18. I was grown. I was like no, you need this support so that you're not following in those same footsteps as me. We're doing a little different. So that's important for us to really think. And, again, that's why you educate yourself, right, because if you don't, if you didn't have a great educational experience and that's what we're sometimes dealing with, because we know the generational miseducation right and so it's like okay, just get through school, like whatever, it's not that important, it's not to you know, we don't. I'm not going to stress you out about it.

Speaker 2: 13:43

I see you're not an education kid but, as a parent, educate yourself about what, how to support your kid so that they don't end up just struggling through life, right. So I think it's, um, we really have to just really Think about what we did, try to figure out how we could change the narrative so that it's better for our next generation. Um, but it's not going to just happen because, you know, ever cadaver and I think some of us think that, like this kid's just into school, this kid's not. But with a couple of changes that we can make, that can make a big difference in how kids dial into learning and have a plan Right if it's going to be entrepreneurship, if it's going to be a trade, if it's going to be college, maybe they're going into the military, but a clear path for them so let's say, high school students right there getting into high school, what are some coaching tips you get starting to give to these parents when they get into high school?

Speaker 2: 14:50

well, you want to know what kind of classes they're getting. Sometimes, again, we're just okay with like that basic level math or that basic level english, and I would say, you know, give it a balance. I wouldn't say all ap or honor classes, but challenge them with, you know, one honors class or a couple of honors classes and maybe subjects that they're interested in. Like, if they're kind of interested in math, okay, let's give you an advanced math class, maybe a math, advanced, history and and maybe not english. Right, like, I wouldn't say all of that. I I made the mistake when I was a junior in high school tried to take everything advanced, everything honors, and really stress myself out. And it's just, you have to be mindful of giving them a balance. You want them to have a good time in school, but you also want them to be serious and, you know, take on their learning, take ownership of their learning and what they're doing.

Speaker 1: 15:53

Okay, so, yeah, like, so, like empowering them, just they'll learn like Make, let them go to school, like it is what it is In a way, you know, kind of like purpose-based learning.

Speaker 2: 16:06

Yes, and what, and that's a good. I'm glad you said that, because another thing you want to think about is what things can you have them doing at home, not just in high school but early on, to help engage them in reading, writing, math? Um, because that's going to help, like, normalize that learning process for them and help them embrace school more. Because it's like I do a little bit of this at home, so doing this at school is not such a big deal, it's just part of their natural life and their learning process. But when we have such a big disconnect between what happens at home and what happens at school, then you know, learning is kind of foreign to them. So, connect different things that they're doing.

Speaker 2: 16:52

And what I did with my daughter is, as she was growing up, I put her in lots of different like activities and and that really gave her a good sense of what she really wanted to do. So, um, you know, music camp, uh, theater, um, just different things. Uh, she did tennis and art and just the gamut. So eventually she figured out, like what was what she was into. So I also say, like, have your kid try out different activities, like some kids are really know what they want to do already, it's fine. But some kids like I don't know, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in that. So just try out different things.

Speaker 2: 17:33

Okay, I'm trying you out for this class To see how you like it. Pay attention to your kid. I noticed that you do a lot of drawing or your building stuff or your whatever. You might be good with this. You might be and really have that ongoing conversation with them about what they might be great at doing in the world. You see a story about someone who does aircraft engineering or something like. You might be interested in that Because they do this. It involves working with people, or it doesn't involve working with people. It's outside a lot and and help them to think through and navigate some things that they're interested in, to help them build that idea for themselves.

Speaker 1: 18:17

Um, that's beautiful, that's really beautiful. All right, so, like certain pitfalls like I, I need your help right here. So let's speak to the audience on this one what do you, how do you help parents with, like, multiple jobs, because I'm seeing it a lot. Of course they got some time because I'm seeing them in the club, but how do you handle the parents who are like I got multiple jobs, I don't really have a lot of time to be with my child, you know? I mean, like after work they go to work. Like how do you be time for your kids and balance time for you, like I think that's a?

Speaker 2: 18:54

great question, um. So of course it's not like a set thing, but I really would try to think I don't, I don't know the income level, but you gotta think about it, because I definitely have had, say like 40 to 50.

Speaker 1: 19:13

Well, I'll say 40 and 60k because other jobs probably bringing like 15k.

Speaker 2: 19:17

Yeah, I mean I I feel like we have to really think about you know, all money isn't good money. Again, I don't know, I can't speak on to every individual, but I found myself and I've seen a lot of parents. They're sometimes working that extra job and it doesn't necessarily they don't really need it. And again, some people are living at the bottom. They make a minimum wage. They need all of that, but I did find a good amount of parents who may not need all of that money. The kids need the time with them more and you'll see them really suffering from it. So you really have to just be clear, like do I really need this extra money or is it important to invest my time with my kid? Right? So I can't speak to everyone in everyone's specific situation, but I know that some of us are making decisions just because we really have to think about our budgets. Like we do waste a lot of money on certain things we're not really budgeting, so we're spending money when we don't need to really make that extra money and be away from our kids. I've done it. So you need to have to just think like, and then you know, I see my child at one point was having a lot of problems in school, having a lot of challenges with behavior, and I'm like, okay, I'm not doing these extra hours because it just makes more sense, my child needs that time better, more than that. Or sometimes one time I was going back to graduate school and then she was having lots of challenges, like, okay, I'm gonna do that later because she's having lots of challenges right now. So I would just think about if you really see a really issue with your kids and you are working a lot, think about how you know, cause some people think I can't, I can't stop, I have to do these two jobs, I have to do three jobs. I can't.

Speaker 2: 21:29

But I would say, think, reframe, like how, how can I spend more time with my child? And that might be giving up a job and extra job or extra hours, but it might be something else right, and you have to think in turn. So that's why I say how, cause a lot of us are saying can't and when we say can't then we shut down our thinking and our possibilities. But you see, your child is having a problem, having crisis. Then stop and say how and reach out to your family and your friends and say this is what my child is, my children, or my child is having a problem, but I'm working and then I'm doing this. So I'm trying to figure out how I could be for them more often or how I could support them.

Speaker 2: 22:19

And you think through a solution, cause I'm a big believer in there's a way, there's a way that you could help solve the problem with your kid. But I feel like we say can't and we're just, like you know, a victim of circumstance. I just got to work like this or I have to do this. It might be finding another job, you know, but I do actually see the most challenges with parents who work really odd hours. You know they're working at night, they don't see their kids and the kids are having lots of challenges. So it might be finding another job, cause you know your kid is more important than that and being really hardline, I can't work overnight. I have my kids and I need to find something that fits, you know. So, really being diligent about finding a solution and I say I can't, this is the only thing I could do Think about how and really trying to work those solutions, because our kids are only a certain age, for so long, and we have to figure out how to help and support them.

Speaker 1: 23:35

So what have you seen from lack of, I guess, lack of attention, especially in this new social media world? Like, where are some things you've seen?

Speaker 2: 23:45

Lack of attention. Like kids, will you know? They get involved with drugs and stuff like that, and parents after the kids are on the drugs and they're like oh it's in their room and it's here and it's like right under their nose kind of thing, you know.

Speaker 2: 23:59

So I always think about checking in, like checking with your kids, and some people think, oh, check in like how was your day today, jamar? Oh, okay, you have homework, no, and that's like the check in is like that's not a check in, check in like gig in the backpack. What kind of reading are you guys doing today? And it may take 10 minutes. Right, it may take 10 minutes, like some of us say we don't have time. Like you might have 10 minutes to say like, let's see what you're reading in your English class, how about your history? And then now they have like the online programs. I can see what grades you have, I can see what assignments you did in turn in. I could you know we don't just have to wait for the teacher to call us back. I could email the teacher and I've had parents email me at two o'clock in the morning. That doesn't mean I'm answering at two o'clock in the morning, but they got that email in right. So I know that I could get back to that parent and say, oh well, he has two missing assignments or he has a report coming up. He needs to be reading more at home or whatever. Like, real check-ins are getting in the business right, getting in those details. What kind of math work do you have coming up? How often do you get assigned your math work or your reading work, or what projects are coming up? So, and then seeing where they are in the project, do you have a draft right now? So, really, and that might take 10 minutes, it doesn't take three hours, it doesn't take two hours. So sometimes we think we don't have time, when five minutes would make a world of difference. Right, let's see if their backpack is organized, let's see if those assignments. I'm gonna log in to that school system and see what the grades are, see when that next report card's coming in. Make sure, okay, I've got a day off on Friday. I'm going to set up some conferences because I see that they're not doing well in their history class.

Speaker 2: 26:04

So, like I said, think about that. How You're real busy, what can you do, not what you can't do, but what you can do and how to kind of finagle that schedule in. And sometimes teachers are very flexible. They'll call you at night Like, look, I am only available at seven o'clock tonight the parent might, the teacher may, work with you and call you and touch bases, because it makes our job easier when we have, like, parent buying and then the kid knows that you guys are in communication and stuff like that. So you know, really dial in and it takes 10 minutes.

Speaker 2: 26:45

If you suspect something weird with your kid, get in there, look in those drawers, look in that backpack, look in that closet, look under the bed, and it's not hard to find right. So don't think about, can't think about how, think about I got these 10 minutes and this is what I can do and really make sure you dial into your kid. Look them in the eyes. I used to notice everything about my daughter. Wait a minute, did you cut your eyelashes? Oh my gosh, I did. I'm all up in it. I'm all up in it. I mean you need to be and they need to know that you are Cause when they feel like you're not paying attention to me, she not paying attention, then they're doing whatever you know.

Speaker 2: 27:30

They're doing whatever, and it might just be right under your nose too.

Speaker 1: 27:33

Yeah, you can get away with anything.

Speaker 2: 27:35

And if you're not?

Speaker 1: 27:36

getting caught. You're not doing anything bad if you're not getting caught, so it gets there.

Speaker 2: 27:42

Absolutely, absolutely. My mom don't know about this. So, yeah, do. Yeah, 10 minutes will make a world of difference and they know that 10 minutes every. My mom's gonna be smelling me, looking me in my eyes, looking at my backpack, looking under my dresser, looking at us, looking. She's gonna be all in it. She's gonna make sure I have my report. She's gonna make sure she calls that teacher. She emailed all the. Yeah, it doesn't take a long time, especially with technology and stuff like that. Right now, we could dial in with the teachers, we could check in with our kids, we could and a real check in, you're all up in the business. Get a ball in it.

Speaker 1: 28:22

I think like people don't do things, like people only like reach your expectations, and what I mean by that is like eat with the kids. Whatever expectation you set is what they're gonna try to meet. So you really got no expectations. They like all right, I'm good when I get home, I ain't got to worry about this because they're not gonna ask about this. But if you're expecting that and it's a lot more challenging, it feels a little bit more uncomfortable for them, but it's more comfortable if they do it when they get home, they'll do it.

Speaker 2: 28:50

And another thing I noticed with parents. They'll be like they always say they never have homework. How did they? And then we get to a grading period oh, how do they have a D? He never said so.

Speaker 2: 29:00

I mean, give them something to do. Then, if they're always saying no, that you don't have anything and you aren't getting the communication from the teachers or whatever that you need, or you're waiting to hear from the teacher, say, okay, we'll read a report on you. Like the video games, do a report on Madden or whatever. I don't mind into video games. But I'm saying, just give them something to do. And a lot of times they'll be like I actually have a report, let me do my report. You give me extra work now, just so that they'll know Like, okay, I'm expected to still read a book, I'm expected to do something. Yeah, so that you know. Of course you want to be serious, but I want to like pause, because my podcast is called falling for learning, because a really key aspect of learning is trying to get kids to love it.

Speaker 2: 29:54

And the people are like oh my gosh, who loves learning? Or, you know, like only a certain amount of kids. But that's not true. Like the kids, like some of them like a really into a football or it really into skateboarding or whatever, and that is a learning process that they fell in love with, right, it's not easy to be out there when it's as high and they're running those. Whatever they do those plays or those. It can tell I'm not into sports, right that that. Or like they're doing the skateboarding and they're falling and they're getting up again. So that is them falling for a, falling in love with the learning process. So you need to help them connect that to the things that they're doing in school.

Speaker 2: 30:35

Maybe you're not good at math yet, you're not good at writing yet. You did this well, you did this well. So try it again. Or, you know, do this next time, make this little change. So with their learning, sometimes we get into the part where it's just really intense getting there read that book. So you want to make sure you get into thinking about what's fun about it for them and what's interesting.

Speaker 2: 31:04

Like there's lots of news reports on right now about you know, former presidents getting into like that stuff is could be really interesting and the humorous at this point and talking to the kids about it and saying what is your idea like OK for next president, let's think about who you might be interested in and really getting them involved. That can be interesting to them and and it could be if it's interesting to you, a lot of times they'll find interest in it as well. So try to find always like that joy or that love in the learning process for them. Of course you want to be serious with them about like I'm going to check your book, your work, I'm going to make sure you have your grades up, I'm going to make sure I talk to your teachers, I'm going to make sure you know. But you also want to think about how you could positively engage them and what they're doing and when you do see their work right.

Speaker 2: 31:59

Sometimes we see their work and then we're like this is so sloppy, this is so think again. Think about positives about their work. Ok, I see you have your first draft. I see you have a couple paragraphs. I see that you've done half of your math work. So I always try to think about that positive about what they've done. Give them a couple of things, no more than two like OK, why don't you work on this or do this more, but you're doing good on this particular part or with your effort, right, and so it's not always like a mean or hard or intense like conversation and you know you try to dial them into things going on in their community, in the country, in the state that really will have an effect on them later and maybe have an effect on them now. I mean, you know you see, florida has all these rules on education and stuff like that. Talk to kids about that.

Speaker 1: 32:57

Yeah, I can vouch for the kids. Nobody want to hear about history, the same history every single year. How many times have you went through school and we talked about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad and then you realize, when you were like 23, 24, you just found out that the Underground Railroad wasn't really a railroad at all, and that means you weren't listening for like 20 years.

Speaker 2: 33:23

Yes, it does, and then you know, yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:27

And then they don't get. I'm like we definitely were not listening at all. We're just like here's another class.

Speaker 2: 33:35

Yeah, so think about, yeah, think about making the work and the learning relevant right and maybe having the kids imagine you know them being in that kind of circumstance, or other circumstances happen over the years where you have to change. So there's the new laws that have to do with abortion and stuff like that. So maybe people are involved in the Underground. Trying to do that like underground the concept, like it's on the down low, it's hidden, it's in secret. So, yeah, just making things relevant to kids and again, trying to connect it to what they might be doing later on in life and as parents.

Speaker 2: 34:16

When you're doing things like, okay, I'm writing a, I'm writing a little email because I'm disputing my charges, I'm writing a complaint about something that you know they might get to the point because you all have the food together, they might help you write that complaint. You know and advocate for themselves, because, again, that's what they, that's a skill they're going to need as an adult, because the learning that they're doing is not just like so you could get a job, but it's also so, as you get older, how you're navigating the world. You know getting your money back for things that you were they didn't give you good service, or maybe getting an extra service or whatever it is advocating for yourself, and there's many different ways. Right like you might get an apartment and they're telling you, oh, you have to do this or you have to do that.

Speaker 2: 35:11

It's like, actually, the law says this and you know, you know, really reading that and saying, no, I have rights and I don't have to do this, your boss might say, oh, you, you, you know you don't get a break. Like actually I was working for you know, like, know, your know what you know, right, I'm going to write law, read that thing and and then point out to the kids like I actually my boss tried to say this. So I'm going, I know that this came in, this new law came out this new policy, and I'm going to inform them and let them know. And or, I've been treated unfairly in this case. I noticed that this person got this and they didn't give it to me. And and you know, so all that happens in live right, and they, they need to know how to advocate for themselves, speak up for themselves, know their rights. And that's the reading, the writing, the listening, the speaking, the math, all of that.

Speaker 1: 36:05

That is really important, yeah definitely, and I think like that's so true, like getting them to use the skills on things they're actually interesting to, because you actually see like how it's like applicable.

Speaker 2: 36:17

Yeah, absolutely I like what math?

Speaker 1: 36:20

and like physics. I didn't know how useful math would be. I didn't. I didn't get into math until actually like physics and I actually got to use it on the job. You know what I mean. I wasn't interested in learning at all. So once I finally start finding a way to actually started wondering but I guess I gotta learn this.

Speaker 2: 36:37

Yeah, it's key, yeah relevant, would make it relevant to their lives, and then you know, really talk, having a conversation with your kid about what they might want to do when they get older, things that you notice about them and connecting, like you might be really good as a doctor because of this, you might be really good as a plumber because this thing, or whatever it is. And another thing I want to say is, as you're working with your kid and finding out what they might be interested in, you have to think in terms of, like, supporting them, even because it's not your life. So, as my daughter was growing older and she actually, when she graduated from high school, she wanted to be a cosmetologist like she wanted to do here, which I told you, a lot of people in my family do that and I was like no, because before that she was telling me she was interested in becoming a nurse and actually she went to community college and she had been going to community college in high school too. She enrolled dual enrollment, they call it. So what happened is I was like, no, you just do your pre-nursing. But I think it really made her really depressed and she just messed around in community college for a couple of years and I knew that she had the skills because she tested out of her, because she was dual enrolled. She took the math and she tested out of the basic math or like remedial math or whatever when they had it, and then out of the English math she could take English 101, math 101. So eighth grade she did that for English and then math for 10th grade. So she was.

Speaker 2: 38:24

I knew she had the skills. So I was like what are you doing? Why are you dropping these classes or not passing? She's like I told you I wanted to be a catholicist and I was like okay, and I was like you know, I have my bias, we all have our biases. Like you know, I'm a teacher and I did that route and everything. So I'm like that's why I want her to do.

Speaker 2: 38:50

And she didn't want to do that. I mean like she didn't want to go, like she wants to be a cosmetologist. And I said, well, if you're going to do it, she went to the community college, the technical community college, and she LA Trade Tech is where she went. And then she's like I say, if you're going to do it, you're going to do it. You know you got to do it. Well, you know you got to be.

Speaker 2: 39:14

And she's like, okay, do you know what she was like messing around with her pre nursing stuff? She was like having 10 o'clock classes. She wasn't like going to those 10 o'clock classes on time. She was like this cosmetology program was seven am to like one pm and I was like you better do your stuff and do what you. She got up the first day of class and she was up the night before and I wasn't going to wake her up. I was like let's see what she's going to do. She was up late the night before she got up, fixed her a lunch out the door at six o'clock or six whatever. So she got there on time.

Speaker 2: 39:53

She excelled in that program. Like she found what she wanted to do. She really excelled in the program and even when she finished during COVID like June 2020, she didn't take her test, her state board test to months later. And she's like I called her and she's like, yeah, I took the test. I'm waiting to hear back and she's like I'm not sure. She's like I finished really fast. Everybody else was like still working and I finished and I just was like she's like I threw up in the bathroom. I don't know if I passed or whatever. So later on she's like yeah, I passed, and she like got a good score. Like she's like good, like this was the thing that was for her Right. She finished that test quickly Everybody else still working Like it was a thing for her Right.

Speaker 2: 40:46

She fell, found something that she loved to do and I mean I feel bad, like I held her back. You know she could have been further and like developing her clientele and all that kind of stuff, you know. So she's an entrepreneur, but you know she's still building up her clientele and part of it is like because I like really wanted to her to do something else. I want to navigate her classes and it's something that we, as parents, like it's their life. Unfortunately, I know I was really thinking like I could just tell her this move, make this move, make that move and tell her exactly what she can do. But it's not my life, you know, and that's what we really have to be really try to give them and link them into learning and something that they love to do. And then you have to like leave it up to them, you know.

Speaker 1: 41:34

I like that. I feel like so many times we get like kids and we get so much pressure for doing things like that. Next generation doesn't understand. You know what I mean? I mean last generation doesn't understand. Yeah, I feel bad for like all the YouTubers who want to be YouTubers at this point.

Speaker 2: 41:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 41:52

It's like more people want to be YouTubers than doctors now.

Speaker 2: 41:55

Yeah, and you look at it, you know, and I, and of course I've been teaching for a while and I but one thing about me I evolve right, Like I'm not going to be. I'm not the same teacher that I was, you know, when I first started teaching, or even 10 years ago, or even five years ago, and but definitely I've been biased.

Speaker 1: 42:17

I'm like do you want to do YouTube?

Speaker 2: 42:19

You know that's foolish, you know, but again you look at it's like this is a new income stream, this is a new job, you know, this is a new career path, you know. And so you need to you know, help kids explore that option. You know what I mean. And again, helping them out, like helping them while they're building up their business or why they're you know. So I feel like that's something that's really like.

Speaker 2: 42:46

A lot of us are young parents, like in my family, and we're like a lot of them, like they're not staying in my house after 18. They're like, you know, like you you're not thinking about how you might support them, and we have to just think differently about that. And, and because we may have been underserved or not gotten the education we need, we need to educate ourselves about what to do with our kids instead of just being like they're not into school or they're not you know, whatever. So you've got to really try to support the kids and learn differently, learn better, so we can do better for that next generation, because that's our next generation needs support, you know.

Speaker 1: 43:29

Absolutely. You know, so you know, I wanted to be what I grew up. You remember you did the class before everybody. What do you want to be? When you grew up, you guess what I wanted to be.

Speaker 2: 43:43

I don't know. I don't know, let's say a lawyer.

Speaker 1: 43:46

A lawyer. Oh no, I tried it and I was. It was way too boring. I was like yo, it was so like I was thinking like internships at like court, the court and everything like that. I was like yo, this is a. It was the most boring thing I ever did. I found out why I absolutely did not want to do by doing that.

Speaker 1: 44:03

I was like oh no, I cannot live this way. It was the opposite of the lawyer, so I want to. I told my third grade teacher I want to be a comedian. She shut me down.

Speaker 2: 44:15

Yeah, we have a lot of bias and that's what I said. We as educators, we have a lot of bias. And I'm at the high school level now and I try to remind us, like you know, because my daughter went into a trade cosmetology. It's like we have to support kids in in not just college, but do they want to go in the military, do they want to do a trade? And help them formulate the plan right. But sometimes we kind of just leave them on the wayside because like, oh, you don't want to go to college, you know. So some schools do a pretty good job, but others don't as much. And I have to tell you, even as as an educator and and obviously surrounded by educators, when I told people, oh yeah, my daughter went to community college, and they're like oh, that's okay, that's okay, like uh man, they don't know.

Speaker 2: 45:12

Yeah, they like, like you know it's, you know poor me or whatever, but you know she's on her entrepreneurial path and, unlike me, like an educator, like the sky's the limit for entrepreneurs, right, if they learn how to their trade, their, their path, they don't. There's not a limit, like. But for us, like as teachers, like this is how much you're going to get paid. You know, and and that's something that you know now that I'm in podcasting and I have a business on that way that I'm learning right, but it's just been ingrained in some of us like you know you work and that you know you go to college, you get a job and that's you know. And again, certain jobs, you know most jobs, that's that's it.

Speaker 2: 45:58

This is how much you make you know.

Speaker 1: 46:00

The light 20, 30 years.

Speaker 2: 46:02

Yeah, I mean, it gets a little bit more as or you know you, or of course you know you could go into like being a principal or something. But that's a lot more hours, a lot more work. Like you earn that money, you know it's not just like it, you know same work.

Speaker 1: 46:19

It's kind of a policy to make some good money.

Speaker 2: 46:22

Yes, right.

Speaker 1: 46:23

And like certain hairstyles was like anywhere from five to five, the grant 500 to a grand and I'm like Daniel.

Speaker 2: 46:29

So you, yeah, so that, that you could develop that, and that's again that's, I feel like the way to get to the multi-generational wealth is where you think about how you could generate income, not just like at that $70,000 level or whatever, but just like where the sky's the limit, where you could scale your business. And so I think we really need to think outside the box, Some of us, and instead of just thinking, oh, our kid is not going to be a doctor or a lawyer, but thinking like, how can we help them grow as entrepreneurs?

Speaker 2: 47:02

How can we help them grow their skill or their talent and comedians, right, like if they're, you know, helping you build that up, because that takes some writing, that takes your falling in love with that writing process, telling that joke, it didn't work and, you know, finding people who could help you develop that skill, because, again, the sky's the limit for that too.

Speaker 2: 47:21

But again, when we always think, I think a lot of us again we that do get our education is like a lot of black people or whatever. We're going to be a teacher, we're going to be a social worker, you know, like there's a lot of us that are fit into these kind of categories, which, again, is fine. I love teaching. So it is a thing for me. Like you know, sometimes people are like we're not talking about work right now because I mean I love education, you know, and I love teaching. So, but again, it's not everybody's path and try not to judge other people for that and like a YouTuber or a hairstylist, you know it's like, yeah, there's a lot of potential that could happen as they do very well.

Speaker 2: 48:08

Or a hairstylist? Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 48:10

So I took like a director's course, right, and it was dope. So they teach you how to actually direct YouTube videos and create concepts and people be like, oh, they're just making a video and film is a lot more and.

Speaker 1: 48:24

I'm like I'm 30 now, but I'm like talking to people who are like a decade younger and I'm seeing what they're doing. Like a minimum skill on a phone is video editing. Now, like they're like can edit a whole video for their whole day in 4k. Special effects, overlay, titles are so happy and I'm like, I'm like how.

Speaker 2: 48:50

Yeah, I wasn't even on social media till March, just to let you know I had accounts, but I was, I didn't do anything social media.

Speaker 2: 48:57

So I definitely have like a steep learning curve. Like I didn't even like scroll through my house people scroll, I didn't even scroll through, I wasn't on it. So is this something I'm learning? But I for a long time wanted to start this podcast or to start a business, a blog or whatever for parents to make sure that they know what to do for their kids, because some people do have the means to tutor or whatever.

Speaker 2: 49:21

But I've talked to parents who their kid will like take a math class three times. They failed it three times and I just asked like did you put the kid in tutoring? And no tutoring has happened. So I'm just like we can't be victims, right, for like we have to think about how can we support our kids. Like we some of us invest in the $300 shoes, we can invest in $300 tutoring. Like I mean, we can do it. Some people, you know, we know family members. We could pay them to tutor. There's just different things we have to think about how. We have to stop thinking about can't or oh, my cats just signed into math. Like well, actually your child doesn't sound like they've been totally supported in that.

Speaker 1: 50:02

Get your computer. Yeah, math is a skill. I remember my mom I was like you're not going to be automatically good at it, you have to build the skill. Because, I was like having so much trouble with pre-calculus and it's like at first they had to hold my hand, they get me through that one little little hump and then, after that word, I was just, I got it. I started actually practicing. Yes, I thought it was just one of those things you're good if you're good at, or you're not good at.

Speaker 2: 50:30

Absolutely, and I think you know we think about that a lot with math and I had a debate with my colleague the other day because I teach English. I've been teaching English for most of my career English and history but I can still consider myself a math person, like in high school and junior year I was in calculus and all of that. So I've been taking advanced math classes. I didn't have to take them, you know. Like you know, I don't use math like that anymore and I was like, and you know, and then I was telling her about my like experience in math class, because I, you know, because I'm like, I always been like this perfectionist or like just like this nerd or whatever.

Speaker 2: 51:14

I, when I was in math I didn't get it at first Like my teacher would basically structure a class we had. He gave us like 10, 15 minutes. He would present the lesson like we're learning about, you know, whatever he was learning, that we're learning that day. And then after that he's like okay, so you could work on the rest of these 30 problems individually. It's due for homework tomorrow and then you know, if you have questions I'll ask. So I would be like asking questions. I would literally ask like 10 or 20 questions, right, whether the rest of the kids were working, because there's like I don't know, and I wasn't ashamed about that, I didn't dial into what they were like.

Speaker 2: 51:52

I guess sometimes they were like, wow, she has a lot of questions, or whatever. But what would happen is then, like you know, a week later we have our tests and like Tyesha has the highest test score on this, where I'm the one who is asking 10 to 20 questions every class, right, well, everybody else was working independently, but I got it and I made sure that I got it. And so she, when she heard about that, when I told her, she was like oh, you're not a math person. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like well, you know math people. They just kind of get it, which I think is like such a huge misconception Because we think about the math ways Plus 325 divided by 8.2. And then they give you the answer right, they weren't always the math.

Speaker 1: 52:37

That's the math person.

Speaker 2: 52:39

And that's what the misconception is. That's the math person, right, the person who can sit there and rattle out the answer. They could do it in their head and it's like, okay, that's the math person. And it's like, well, no, the math person is also me, the person who will ask the 10 to 20 questions, who will persevere through and get the math. But a lot of people have that misconception and she was an educator too thinking, oh, that's the math person. It's like no, because then it's that same thing.

Speaker 2: 53:06

When I was saying like, don't say that you can't help your kid, or you can't do this or you're too busy, think about how it's like if I'm not rattling off the numbers, then obviously I'm not a math person. And then why try? Right, that's where you can't Like I can't do that, so I'm just going to stop. I'm not a math person, I'm just going to take this basic math. I guess I can be a doctor, because I wanted to do that, but I'm not a math person. When it's like no, you could put in the work and the effort. You could get better at it. You could ask those 20 questions so you could get to the bottom of how to solve this and what the algorithm is or whatever, but that's the misconception and nothing is like that. I know we see a lot of stuff on TV and YouTube and whatever, and like it just magically happens, you have this beautiful video, you have this beautiful podcast with, you know, a million followers, but like that grind is there.

Speaker 1: 54:07

You just don't see it and you know yeah.

Speaker 2: 54:09

So, for whatever it is we want our kids to be doing, we need to encourage that love of learning and that learning process and failing is a key part of the process being able to fail and keep working at it. And same with parents. If we're having disconnect between our kids, our kids aren't doing well. We have to persevere. How can I dial in? How can I spend more time with them? How can I help them? How can I get resources for them? And I think, oh, they're just not going to be good at math, they're just not going to be good at this. We just hope they graduate. But how can they be a productive member of society? How can we help them craft their future? And that's the big thing we need for that next generation. That multi-generational wealth comes from multi-generational education and it doesn't have to be college for degree. It could be that trade, it could be that entrepreneurship or whatever.

Speaker 1: 55:09

Absolutely. I love it, so we're going to wrap it up. Anything that you could give to the audience a bar before we end this. That was already a bar, but I don't know if you want to add more toppings on it.

Speaker 2: 55:28

I think that's my bar.

Speaker 2: 55:29

I just say follow me on social media on Instagram at falling for learning, so that's at falling the number four, learning. And on Facebook, also at falling for learning, and my podcast you can find on Apple Podcasts and all of that. It's the Falling for Learning podcast, so you spell it out there when you look for that. And on YouTube I also have at fall for learning, so that's at fall, the number four, learning, my YouTube channel so you can find my podcast there. But yeah, so basically dial into what your kid needs, what their skills, what their talents are, and help them to connect what they're doing at home to what the learning is and how it's relevant to their lives All right, I can add anything to that while messing it up.

Speaker 1: 56:37

So thank you, guys, for viewing us, for listening to us. Definitely subscribe. Make sure you follow her on IG. You got a YouTube too, right.

Speaker 2: 56:45

Yep, the YouTube at fall for learning. It's youtubecom slash at fall, the number four, learning.

Speaker 1: 56:52

Listen to the podcast on the way to work. Absolutely, and you know, parent to kid, so bye, bye.

Speaker 2: 57:01

Thank you, bye, let me see, bye, bye.