The Art of Breaking Negative Cycles: Insights from Coach Tots

Imagine being on the cusp of a nervous breakdown when you stumble upon a YouTube guide that changes your life's trajectory. That's just a glimpse into the transformative journey of our guest, Coach Tots from 'Keep Manifesting'. Through her profound insights, you'll understand the impact of mindset and environment on personal growth, and how teenage trauma can shape our behaviors. We also unveil the truth behind money and happiness, giving you a fresh perspective on what truly constitutes a fulfilled life.

Ever felt trapped in a cycle of negative relationships? Coach Tots sheds light on detecting negative vibes, protecting your energy, and breaking free from harmful relationship patterns. We delve into the unique concept of shadow work, learning how to confront our inner demons and use them as stepping stones to better ourselves. With honest conversations and open communication, we begin the journey to emotional freedom and fulfillment.

Rounding off our discussion, we venture into the realms of the Law of Attraction, personal transformation, and the power of gratitude. We explore how to overcome insecurities, manifest dreams, and unlock our highest potential. Coach Tots also emphasizes the significance of valuing oneself and breaking generational cycles. Tune in as we navigate these complex life topics, empowering you to transform your mindset and embrace your path towards self-discovery.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:28

Welcome to the medium ghetto podcast with your host Jamar. They've got special guests in the building and introduce yourself.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Hello, this is coach Tots from Keith Manifest in LLC. Well, we believe that you can eliminate limiting beliefs and live a life of abundance if you want to.

Speaker 1: 0:47

I like the. I love that, Like I was so smooth. So we are going to talk about the Carmen Cycle and we're also going to be talking about shadow work, and my first question is like, how did you get into that? Like that's something, like you know, you don't just wake up and be like you know, I'm going to do some shadow work.

Speaker 2: 1:06

Right. So for me it started in 2021, january 29th of 2021 to be exact. I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and I think it took me, snapping on my doctor, to realize, oh, hold on, something is really wrong here.

Speaker 2: 1:23

So I knew that I was off work for two months where I had enough time to really just dig into myself, figure out what was going on. I started getting rid of friendships, getting rid of relationships, but then I had to keep digging and then I came across Muji M-O-O-J-I, which introduced me to my higher self. And then from there, I started learning about chakras, I started learning about crystals.

Speaker 1: 1:49

What's Muji, though, what is Muji?

Speaker 2: 1:52

Muji is actually. He's the how would I say this? He is the instructor, like your guy. He's actually on YouTube and he actually just speaks about your higher self and how your mindset determines how far you can go in life. Like, if you're saying I can't do it, then you never will. If you continue to hang around people that don't have anything and you're trying to go after something, they constantly tell you, oh you crazy, it's not time to do that, then you'll never have. You actually have to change your mindset, and on many occasions you have to change your surroundings as well, so you can't elevate to become that higher person you were actually sent to the earth to be.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 2:34

Yeah, so that's Muji. But as I started digging in I realized I had to do shadow work and I kept saying shadow work, what is shadow work? So that's what started me to really research and shadow work and it helps you understand and identify why you do a lot of things that you do. And it all kind of goes back to childhood. So when we look at our childhood we kind of come out in the world and we're like let's do whatever we want to do and not care about what someone says. Like we'll dress funny and make up funny terms and tell people how we really feel.

Speaker 2: 3:11

But somewhere in the teenage years, between the teenage years and the early 20s, I think, we end up having trauma and then that's what kind of makes us start being someone that we're actually not. So we start to try to react how we want other people to accept us, opposed to how we really want to feel. So sometimes we start dressed in ways that we're not real comfortable with the way the clothing is, but it fits the norm, so we don't want to be abnormal or extraordinary, so to speak. So from doing the shadow work you start learning. This is why I do this, this is why I do that and it all kind of stems into the childhood years, your age or teenage years, and then, usually in your 30s or 40s, you'll actually start to come to a realization that this isn't really who you are, and that's when you'll start looking and doing that shadow work that a lot of people don't realize they're doing. They don't do, and you become a better person.

Speaker 1: 4:16

Yeah, I think shadow work the term many people don't know about it, but they do it while even realizing it. You start that self-discovery journey you're talking about, because all the trauma and disappointments in life and then people trying to make you what they want you to be, trying to make you fulfill a role in their life, though you need to fulfill the role that you want in your life. You know what I mean. Come to box you out and pitch and hold you.

Speaker 2: 4:43

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 4:45

I can actually say, yo, I've been going through like a self-discovery and like I guess like just figuring out me and what I want in this life. You know, I'm going through that phase where you make a good amount of money and then you're like, oh, money did not help, Exactly. And now I'm like I ended up like staying away from doing like a lot of business and I ended up podcasting and going on a self-discovery journey for like four or five months and not doing business Like everybody's, like you good, and I'm like, no, I just need some time to figure it out.

Speaker 2: 5:19

And that's really what, when you kind of think about it, if you think about mass laws, mass laws, hierarchy of needs right.

Speaker 2: 5:27

A lot of times when we don't have, we won't, we figure, oh, if I get the money I'll have everything I need and I'll be fine. But as you look at those hierarchy of needs, to me it really kind of flows into like the chakra and the things that we need in life. Money is not the answer to everything, but everything just about can be solved with money. So not having money it makes you think, oh, if I get the money I'll have the happiness. Then when you get the money, you don't have happiness. You realize, okay, money didn't make me happy, I can go do some things to be happy, but still within there's something missing. You just feel internally that there's something missing and as you keep searching to try to find what that is, you come to this piece or you end up in a karmic cycle.

Speaker 2: 6:12

And if you don't do the shadow work, then you don't understand. You're stuck in a karmic cycle. So that's basically, you keep ending up in these really garbage relationships and you figure, why does this keep happening? This is a totally different person, but the scenario is the same as my last 10 relationships and it's usually there's a lesson that was to be learned that you missed. And until you realize the lesson and go in the opposite direction. You keep repeating the cycle.

Speaker 2: 6:38

So that's the karmic cycle. So when you have people that for generations they've been stuck in poverty, that's because someone didn't take the lesson to realize that, hey, maybe I need to move out of this neighborhood or away from this city to get a new chance. Or hey, I'm kind of priced out as far as what I can make, and if I can't make more than 30,000, I can't really take care of my family. But they're not willing to live, to leave that particular area or job, so they just keep going through the same thing over and over and over again. So that's kind of what that karmic cycle comes in at, which deals with the law of karma.

Speaker 1: 7:13

And we start getting. Do you ever like notice how people get started getting like bunker down in the karmic cycle? They start saying things like all men, all women are the same. I can make money, and you know what I mean? Like they just keep the self in the cycle. Is that what you're talking about too?

Speaker 2: 7:29

Yes, and especially when you have people to say all men are the same or all women are the same. All men and all women are not the same. It's the same man or woman that you keep attracting, that's the same, because you're not realizing the energy of this person, cause energy doesn't lie. Okay, it's completely, 100%, true. If you keep feeling negative vibes from a person, but you overlook the negative vibes and look at everything else. And let's take a relationship, for example, a woman is dating a man, or man is dating a woman, and they're giving them everything that they need, but they don't give them the emotional fulfillment that they really, really want. And they say you know what? I'm going to take all of this materialistic stuff and I'll look for the emotional and spiritual fulfillment, or whatever, somewhere else.

Speaker 2: 8:15

Instead of saying you know what they might be able to do all of this, but this is not fulfilling me, so I'm going to leave this and go find better. And generally, once you break that karmic cycle, the better will give you everything that you had, plus your spiritual and emotional needs that you actually desire. But if you're just stuck up on the materialistic piece, you're always going to miss that. So that's how you end up in this karmic cycle, cause you just keep saying, okay, I just want somebody who's going to do everything for me materialistically, or someone that I can manipulate mentally. That's the person I'm going to be with, but you're unhappy. So it's just, it's not sensible.

Speaker 1: 8:56

It's definitely not. So all right, I got a question with energy. Like I'm a little skeptical about the energy thing, maybe cause I always try to think logical about things. I'm starting to realize that thinking logical ain't the best way to traverse life some days. But I'm like yo, this is crazy. Logic doesn't always win. But like you describe energy, like how do you, how do you pick out energy?

Speaker 2: 9:21

So this and this is the part when I start telling people okay, maybe I'm a little crazy because this whole energy thing didn't happen until after the nervous breakdown but it's kind of like when you go in a club and it kind of feels off and you go like you know what? I think I'm a leaf or something just doesn't feel right. So that energy you'll feel that pool of positive energy and negative energy. So say, for example, you just got a promotion at work and you go to tell your best friend, but you can tell your best friend is really not happy for you. But they're smiling, like everything says they're happy, but internally you're feeling something's off.

Speaker 2: 9:57

So that's the energy, that which is really like the sixth sense that we've always spoke about in the church and everything. It's like that sixth sense kicks in to let you know, hey, something isn't right here. I don't really know what it is, but based on how the energy is feeling, I know it's time for me to ask you. So it's kind of weird and it's different for everybody, but for me, if it's not a positive vibe, I don't want to deal with it.

Speaker 2: 10:18

So I really go on positive vibes only that's kind of one of my hashtags.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Positive vibes only.

Speaker 2: 10:25

Yes, positive vibes only.

Speaker 1: 10:26

So what do you do? Let's say, one of your best friends has gone through a hard time, right, this happened to me before and they're like I'm sorry to be a bad news. So he's like, he's going, he works at entertainment, right, and he comes to me about how, like you know, with some negative feelings, he asks like yo, can you talk to me about it? And he was like yo, I'm sorry to feel all these bad vibes on you. I'm like yo, you don't gotta worry about that, it's okay. Like, how do you deal with, like not isolating people and also protecting your energy?

Speaker 2: 11:04

Well, that's more so of you're kind of helping somebody, whether it's a mental journey, spiritual journey. Helping people is fine, but you have I'm speaking from the aspect that you have miserable people that just want to be miserable and they want you to be miserable with them. Those people I will not entertain. But if there's someone that I know that you're always trying to be your best and highest self and you're going through something and you're coming to me because you just you just need somebody to help you to maneuver and get through it and see things differently, then that's why I can come in and look at things and kind of help.

Speaker 2: 11:36

You see something that maybe you didn't see and it's kind of like this oh okay, I mean, I didn't. I never looked at it that way before. I'm like I have a lot of friends that they might be married and I always tell them I'm the person to come talk to. If you're done Like, if you're trying to make it work, I'm probably not the best person because I'm no holds bar. So I'm going to tell you everything that I see and it might be some stuff that you didn't see and that might actually end the marriage. So if you come to me. You have to be willing to really be and open book and be understanding that I'm very transparent. I'm not going to sugarcoat and try to give you what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you want to know. But I've had friends that were just negative, like they complained about everything. So those were people that I knew I had to cut off because they weren't bringing anything positive into my life at all.

Speaker 1: 12:26

But I bet you were feeling some great energy at the conference.

Speaker 2: 12:30

Oh, the energy at the conference was amazing. It was amazing. I was really like there was never anything like, because I've been to a lot of conferences and I used to work in the hair world, so even going to hair shows and sitting in the classes and learning, and then I'm a certified hair roll professional going to those and they're interacting and then I started doing the marketing conferences. That's the first conference I've been to where the energy was just so positive. Everybody wanted to network, everybody wanted to help. There was, I think, here anybody complained about anything. That whole conference.

Speaker 1: 13:05

So I thought that was pretty good it was great, it was really dope, and I think, like being in those situations, you start to find more positive people too. Like you know, I know, sometimes when you're in isolation phase, you're getting a little lonely. Certain things like, damn, I don't mess with them, I don't mess with them, and just going to environments like that just gives you more hope.

Speaker 2: 13:26

Right, exactly, exactly. I think they kind of charge even. I don't have my bracelet on right now, but I have bought one of Donnie's bracelets that says actionable CEO. I feel like they had the prayer warriors praying over those bracelets. Every time I put it on, it's like you have work to do, get to work, get to work, get to work. And now I've just been knocking stuff out, but I noticed when I don't wear it, I kind of veer off to other stuff. So it was pretty dope.

Speaker 1: 13:58

So do you think like certain items, or in your home or you have, can take energy?

Speaker 2: 14:07

Yes, I do, and I wanted those people like if I wear an outfit and say, for instance, I could have had a good day, but for whatever reason, I just don't feel the energy of the outfit anymore. I donate a lot of stuff, but if I feel the energy is off in the clothes I throw it away.

Speaker 2: 14:24

I don't even keep it, because clothes hold energy, like everything holds energy. So sometimes I'll have an energy and something and I'm like, ok, I want to give it to this person. That means because it's good energy and I'm sharing that good energy with that person. I have crystals in my house. I generally try to keep flowers and if my flowers or plants start dying, I'm like hold on what's going on with energy in my house and I'll actually do like a spiritual cleansing with the smudging and incense and all of that kind of stuff, real range of furniture. So absolutely Everything is energy. Like everything in this world has some type of energy to it All right.

Speaker 1: 15:03

And so what, tode? I think they said was it can energy be created? Or?

Speaker 2: 15:11

can you create more energy? That was up for debate Because you have some people say that energy can only be manipulated. It can't be created, but the energy is there. It had to be created at some point. So that's up for debate and I don't have a yes or a no on that one, Because I believe energy can be created but then it can also be manipulated. Like if I go into a room and I feel nothing but negative energy, sometimes I'll go in there and actually transmute the negative energy which is just trying to change the environment. You ever walk in a room and it's just like what is going on, but this Debbie Downer situation right here and you try to bring some laughter or joy to the room and change the atmosphere. You ever experienced that?

Speaker 1: 15:59

I try to be the comic relief a lot in a lot of serious situations. I play with some everybody. I was just like, or they'd be like, we don't want a joke here. I'm like all right, I guess I'll save my jokes here after work.

Speaker 2: 16:12

Yeah, yeah. So you just try to change the energy. Even at my job, there was a one-pointed manager and she was a micro manager. She was like look, I just want to come to work and enjoy my day. I don't want you standing over my shoulder. So I used to try to mellow out the scenario and a lot of people kept coming to me.

Speaker 2: 16:34

Well, I am having a hard time with this and I was taking on a lot of that and then trying to give them the words to go and have the conversation, but then I was holding everything in instead of snapping, so to speak.

Speaker 2: 16:48

And that's what called the nervous breakdown because I kind of snapped on the inside. But I'm kind of glad it happened because had it not occurred, I don't think I would have been enlightened by the world of manifestation, the law of abundance, the law of what is it called the law of attraction? None of this stuff that I study. Now, when I say I study, I inhale it day and night. I was not doing any of that before. I really wasn't.

Speaker 1: 17:21

So let's talk about the law of what was attraction. I think at a young age most of us seeing the book, you remember it was like a whole DVD set or something like that they had the law of attraction.

Speaker 2: 17:34

I did.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Yeah, so when I was like 15, I guess it was like damn 2000. I'm about in 2005, 2004-ish. They had a bunch of DVDs on it and it was called the Secret. You heard like the secret.

Speaker 2: 17:52

Yes, I actually read the secret last year, which is when I found out about the secret, and I also watched the movie. And then someone just sent me another movie. Oh gosh, I can't think. Let me see if I can get the name of this movie. But one of the guys that was in the secret, he was actually in this movie and it really went through teaching you about. You have to show appreciation in everything, Because if you don't show just gratitude and appreciation, you can end up losing things.

Speaker 2: 18:31

And I think that was the main point, cause this guy, he was so into his job and he didn't want to have kids, he was being so mean to the wife and all this stuff was going on. And then, before you know it, the job that he was being so mean to the wife about because he was like a producer or whatever for a movie, they took the movie from him, like everything that he put above his family, and he treated her so bad when she was pregnant. But come to find out once they sat down and talked and he really started being open to the therapy that was going on. He started understanding the law of attraction. He started understanding I need to be grateful for things, I need to show appreciation, and then all of these things started coming back. So it's like, even you know the Bible says be grateful even for small things, don't despise small beginnings.

Speaker 2: 19:27

I cannot find the name of this movie, but that's one of the things that you have to really understand when it comes to law of attraction, you have to whatever you put out, that's what's going to come back. So if you're putting out negative energy, that negative energy is going to convey. If you're constantly saying I'm never going to get a better job. You're never going to get a better job. But if you're constantly saying I know that there's a job out there for me and I'm going to find it and it's going to provide all of my needs, then it's going to come. And if you just focus on what you want and move on about your day instead of focusing on what you don't have, then you'll start to see those things come.

Speaker 1: 20:05

Okay, and you start to see him come in. Is that like more so like manifestation?

Speaker 2: 20:09

Yes, you'll see your man of. So I call it. When you're shooting it off, I call it a rocket of desire. Right, you're saying this is what I want you, this is what you're praying to God for, this is what you're believing the universe for, or whoever you pray to, right, I believe in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. So I will say universe, but the universe to me is still God. He created the universe, so the universe doesn't exist without him.

Speaker 2: 20:32

And just as I look back over my life, I'm just like I've been manifesting my entire life. I didn't know that's what I was doing.

Speaker 2: 20:39

And then, as I kept studying and learning, I'm like oh, this is something that I've always pretty much done. And then the shadow work piece. That piece was so new to me because I didn't realize, oh, you grew up in poverty, that's why you do some of the things that you do now. Oh, you had, you were kind of used as a child. That's why you do some of the things you do now. Oh, you weren't about to speak as a child, that's why you do some of the things you do now. So as I started identifying those things, I knew, okay, I can rewire my brain to be different. And that's kind of what I started going.

Speaker 1: 21:10

Okay, so that's so, let's say, would you like to share some of the changes you've seen, some of the realizations from like when you were a teenager that you've changed now?

Speaker 2: 21:21

Yes, just number one from this video. I have not cussed the one time, but I used to cuss like a sailor believe it or not Like every other word was a cuss word and I didn't know why I did that. But growing up my mother used to cuss like that, but then as she got in the church she stopped cussing in. Then I realized it's probably not the best thing to do. So I started training my mind not to use profanity as much, because I still cuss little bit. That's just. It's not completely gone, but I was able to like train my mind.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Okay, From my last set of shadow work that I did in this past six months I realized, oh, that's why my relationship with money is this way. So my mom grew up. I grew up with my mom saying, hey, you don't save money, you spend it all because you can't take it with you, right? So I just kind of had to spend everything mentality, not really save anything. And then this guy that I was dating in my 20s, he pretty much took care of everything and my savings ended up being my 401k. But then as I got older, I kept saying why am I going through money like this? Because I went through a lot of money in my lifetime.

Speaker 2: 22:29

So then, through reading this book called Cheat Code by TWK, I was introduced by Terebren Eich and started listening to him, and that's where my shift took place, when I had to realize okay, I've been spending money, but I need to now start circulating money, which means I'm spending my money with more purpose, and if there's no purpose attached to me spending the money, then the money stays in the bank or the money stays on the credit card. So that's some of the changes and I'm completely positive. I try not to have negative reactions to people, because I used to just snap at people all the time, so I always try to see the God in them and hope that they see the God in me and just be positive. So that for me is like a complete change from who I was.

Speaker 1: 23:16

So you work from custom like a seller at to be in judgmental and be like I'll you know, with people to be in a little bit more patient.

Speaker 2: 23:27

You feel?

Speaker 1: 23:28

like the weight is off you more when you're more patient.

Speaker 2: 23:31

It definitely is, Cause I used to have a saying that said God is graceful. I'm not, but I have learned to be more graceful. I can't be as gracious or graceful as God, Cause I'm not God, Cause some stuff is going to happen. It's like God, I'm just going to have to deal with it at cross, but a lot of things I kind of have that grace where I can say you know what? That was me? How would I want somebody to react?

Speaker 1: 23:59

or to interact with me.

Speaker 2: 24:00

And that's how I kind of take a step back and then I try to look at that person in a different lens, more of a spiritual lens, and try to identify is there something that I'm supposed to give them in this moment? Maybe it's a word of encouragement, or whatever it may be. If I feel that's needed, then that's what I get. If I feel they just needed their moment and it's going to be a waste of my energy to try to do anything different, then I just keep it moving. So my block list on my cell phone is very heavy, because if I can't help you, there's no need for us to interact. So even if you're family.

Speaker 2: 24:33

I'm just on the block.

Speaker 1: 24:36

You don't think I was like too cruel, or?

Speaker 2: 24:39

Well, it depends on the circumstance, and I'll use a scenario. My cousin called me and she's gone off on a van jeep for and I'm like for what? She wanted me to change a profile picture on my face. It's been there for five years and this is out of the blue and I'm like why are you so bitter? And she felt like I was cussing at her, but I wasn't.

Speaker 2: 25:01

But she just kept going on and on and on and I'm like you know what? This is always the right energy because she wants to urge you. And I was kind of like why? I was like I'm not going to urge you to choose. So I was like block. So and I had one point I had a lot of people block, but some of them they come back around you have a conversation and get on block. But a lot of people you know if you're blocking, you're going to constantly be negative. I'm not blocking you because why do I want that negative energy in my life?

Speaker 1: 25:29

That's what you're saying. It's draining, it takes away from your focuses and building positivity.

Speaker 2: 25:34

And yeah, I see that you have control of that. You have control over your energy. Who has access to you? And as you elevate in life you'll start to realize certain people cannot have access to you as easily as they did in the past and that just changes because as you change, the people around you are going to change and everybody is not happy for you. Some they might say it, but you can really tell that someone's happy for you or not when you get happy to understand the energy.

Speaker 1: 26:07

I think when people are happy for you, they'll share your happiness too. That's like one big indicator. I'm like y'all might share this, or like it's almost you will be talked about while even and positively, while even knowing.

Speaker 2: 26:20

Exactly Like if you're going to tell somebody something positive and then they don't want to say congratulations or anything, they come behind it with this real negative, sad story. It's like what did they have to do with anything that I just said? So that's questionable, like if they're really happy because they kind of divert the conversation to something else. That's not even possible. So those people I tend to kind of put them in a block that, okay, I'm gonna have to just kind of see where it goes. And sometimes they would just have in their moment. And I actually had a friend that told me one time. She said well, you are always expanding and doing different things. Where's my bliss and where's my this and where's my that? So she was letting me know which. I love her for that. She was frustrated that she kept seeing me elevate in life, but she felt like she was stuck in the same place. But she still was not accepting the fact that, okay, you're stuck in a karmic cycle and until you change this, you're not gonna see that change.

Speaker 2: 27:19

So, she's still kind of going through the motions of understanding I have to change, Like if you wanna change, you literally have to change and then you'll start to see change.

Speaker 1: 27:31

So do you ever like help them sort out or help them find a lesson of what they're stuck at in a cycle, or they just have to do it themselves?

Speaker 2: 27:40

If they want it and they're truly open to it, then, yes, I do. The one scenario I had to point out and this was a guy I had to point out to him well, if you take a look at all of your relationships, you keep dating the same person but in a different body, and then it goes the same way. It's the same exact arguments every relationship. It's the same scenarios every relationship. So you need to identify what is attracting me to this type of person and why. And once you can identify that, then you'll know the signs to look for in future relationships, like for me, for example. I don't know when a certain guy comes. If there's certain things that I can connect to, I'm like, yeah, it looks real good, but I already know how it ends, so I'm gonna pass on.

Speaker 2: 28:28

But if you never identify those things. You keep blindly going into it, thinking, oh, this is the one. Because you're saying, oh, this is like that person, this is like that person, this is that like that person, but you're wanting a different outcome. And then, when the outcome's the same, you're saying well, what happened? You missed all the red flags of where they were beginning.

Speaker 1: 28:48

So like being stuck in a karmic cycle, relationship-wise would be me picking the same person, different body, but like, hmm, trying to think of this question.

Speaker 2: 29:02

So, for example, same person, same person, different body. If you dated someone and you felt like all they ever do was gonna get their hair done, their nails done, they don't want a word. They always want me to pay for everything. I don't want to date anybody like that. But you keep meeting people that fit that same criteria but your expectation is oh no, this person is not gonna want me to do everything. They're gonna be more concerned about me. It's gonna feel more like a partnership. And then when it ends up that they're doing the same thing nine times out of 10, you probably met them in the same place that you met everybody else, under the same circumstances, that you met everybody else and everything moved the same way you did with everybody else. And by the time you realize this is not what I want, you realize there were 10 red flags back there that I said I'm ignore this red flag because it can't be the same. And it was the same.

Speaker 1: 29:59

So you think people are ignoring the lesson?

Speaker 2: 30:02

That's why?

Speaker 1: 30:02

I don't know they're ignoring the lesson.

Speaker 2: 30:04

And that's why they get caught up in the karmic cycle, because until you learn the lesson, you never progress to the next level. Like they say, new levels, different levels. Every time you progress to a new level you're gonna have a lesson, and if you pass the lesson then you go to the next level. If you miss the lesson, guess what? You gotta repeat the test. You just keep going through it over and over, and over and over again. That's why you have some people for generations. No one has ever left out of the projects. Why? Nobody wanted to go get the job. They said look, I like having rent this $13 a month and I'm okay with working for minimum wage, and I don't wanna go to school and learn a trade, or I don't wanna do whatever it may be that's gonna bring me more money because I'm comfortable. Why I'm at right here? And that's where they sit, generation after generation after generation.

Speaker 1: 30:53

So you think we can inherit our parents? Karma?

Speaker 2: 30:57

Absolutely, because, if you think about it, your parents are the ones that you're watching. Right, your parents are the ones that you're watching. Your parents are saying what you can do, what you can't do, what you can't go, what you can't go, and if you believe that, that's what you get stuck with. For example, my mom wanted me to go into the nursing industry and I was like, okay, and then I realized this is not for me. So something happened when I was in school and I was like, yeah, this is not for me, I'll just challenge the board, I'm leaving, I'm more business.

Speaker 2: 31:26

And throughout life I had to keep realizing, yeah, my mom might want me to do these things, but I want something better and different in life. So I kept going in a different direction. So I felt like I actually ended a lot of generational curses, like with my mom and her kids. Yeah, we might have graduated high school, but nobody went to college. So I not only went to college, I also went to trade school. And I just kept hustling and hustling and hustling until I was like in a different level of life and then I never realized well, why do I like wearing all?

Speaker 1: 31:59

this designer stuff.

Speaker 2: 32:00

As a kid, I can never get designer stuff, and it goes back to a story about me wanting a pair of Reeboks. Like when the Reeboks came out in the 80s, I was like, oh Dan, let me get these Reeboks. My dad did not buy me the Reeboks. But then, being an adult, as I look back on the situation, I'm like wait a minute, I think dad gave mom the money to go buy the Reeboks, but she didn't buy me the Reeboks. She had me get these cobra shoes, which was really cute, unique, different, but they weren't the Reeboks shoes, because my mom was always about pinching pennies, trying to keep money, taking care of the six kids, and I was kind of like I want what I want.

Speaker 2: 32:37

So looking back on that now I start to realize oh, this is why I spend all this money on designer clothes and stuff, because that's something that wasn't attainable to me as a child. So I felt like as an adult, that's what I was supposed to have. But then as I started looking at things and changing my mindset, with money and different things like that, I don't live a life like for Robin Peter to pay Paul, which is basically how I grew up. I grew up in days where we didn't have lights, we didn't have water, we didn't have food, but my kids never experienced any of that at all whatsoever. So it was like I was able to break a karmic cycle in a generational curse by making changes to my life, and then that affected how my kids lived their life. So it's hopefully something that I'll just continue to go for.

Speaker 1: 33:20

I see so you broke the karmic cycle, so they wouldn't have to break the karmic cycle Right right, even with dealing with abusive relationships.

Speaker 2: 33:32

I had to leave. My ex-husband didn't want to, but I had to make the choice. Do I continue to live in this environment and this is what my kids grow up in and think is normal, or do I leave? And when I left they realized okay, maybe that's not normal, because I didn't want my sons, because I have all boys and one daughter. I don't want them to grow up thinking abuse is what's normal. So I had to make the decision do I stay or do I go? And I decided I love me more and it's okay to love you more in any situation and to put your feelings in front of other people in any situation, because your job is to make you happy, not to harm other people, but to make you happy. And other people want you to be sad to make them happy and that's selfish of them, so it's okay to be selfish about you.

Speaker 1: 34:18

That's true, that is true. So do you think, let's say, with the husband situation, the lesson from you being stern in your decision and leaving that was a lesson that he needed, the better his life? I already thought about that.

Speaker 2: 34:39

Because the person that he's with now is not the person that he cheated on me with. He met after I had found for divorce and they're still together and he'll constantly say I am not gonna mess this relationship up the way I messed up the relationship with you. So the things that I would complain about, he made sure not to do those in that relationship and I'm like I'm happy for him. So sometimes you have to go through certain steps just to learn the lesson, and sometimes it's the better the other person, but it's always the better you as well, in my opinion. That's what I think.

Speaker 1: 35:14

I think that's one big thing. Like people realize, if we don't hold each other a lot of times with like family, whether relationships like Plotonic, family-wise, we just let them go and we don't explain to them, we don't not say punish them, but we don't hold them accountable. And we don't hold them accountable. Some people just don't learn the lesson is dumb and you just never help them. Sometimes you gotta help them by making the statement like oh, I did not appreciate this and this is the results of me not appreciating that Right because if you don't tell a person, how will they know?

Speaker 2: 35:49

Like there's a saying clothes mouths don't get fed. Well, if you never tell a person, how will they even know, like, if you're? In a relationship with someone and you don't like the fact that, hey, you never take me on dates but you never say anything. You smile and I like everything's cool. They don't know you wanna go out on a date. They think, oh, this is normal, I don't even wanna go on a date, I'm okay with staying in the house, they're okay staying with the house and we just wanna stay in the house.

Speaker 1: 36:14

But if you always raise that way, Right.

Speaker 2: 36:16

If you open up your mouth and say, hey, I need date night every week, then you've already set that expectation. If that person can't meet the expectation, then you sever the ties with the person and move forward. But if you accept it and then the relationship doesn't work and then somebody else comes along and make it that same scenario, you still don't say anything. You're in a crime cycle. You're in the same situation with a different person not getting what you want.

Speaker 1: 36:44

Let me take a sip real quick.

Speaker 2: 36:46

You okay.

Speaker 1: 36:51

All right. So I had a situation where I took someone on date and this is my first date, but get this there my they're first of all. They're a mother of a, they have a son and son is seven years old. So you say, in seven years of this, you've never been taken on the date.

Speaker 2: 37:08

Wow.

Speaker 1: 37:10

Which is wild?

Speaker 2: 37:11

not my head.

Speaker 1: 37:14

I don't know, like I don't know what the heck that was. I guess she just she's had boyfriends. But how do you have boyfriends all dating?

Speaker 2: 37:21

with no dates right now, and I can see if you're just being single in no date. But if you're doing whatever okay, situationship, entanglement, whatever and there's no dates and you wanted to go on a date and you never said anything or you said anything and it did not happen and you say you have to, you have to own that one. That's on you.

Speaker 1: 37:42

Yeah, it's just like damn. But I was just that's when I realized I was going through a karmic cycle with like girls who don't value themselves. I'm like, no, I got a, I got a little more, so value themselves right, and it's the same thing with guys like it's.

Speaker 2: 37:57

There are guys out there and I'm realizing, as I'm starting, because now I'm real comfortable with talking to people. Generally I didn't like talking to people, you know, I had to kind of, because I'm a Virgo on the introvert. It's like I had to get to know you to open up, and now I kind of I'm open to just going up and have a Conversations with people and I realize that there are a lot of guys out there that don't really speak up because they have been raised with this mindset of this is what a man is and this is what you do. You don't complain, and that's not true. Men have emotions, just like women have emotions. Men have needs, just like women have needs, and it shouldn't be that I can express what I want and what I need, but you're supposed to just oblige to that and don't tell me anything that you want you need because it has to be a compromise.

Speaker 2: 38:42

So everybody has to have value in themselves. And then when you have value in yourself and you come together with someone else, then you have a valuable relationship and you can grow and create stuff. And that's when it gets really fun. But if you're kind of stuck in, you don't value yourself. Because I think I dated a guy he didn't really value himself that much and I was like, yeah, this isn't gonna go anywhere, it's just not gonna go far. So yeah, I agree with that, you have to find someone that has value in them the way you have value in you, and then that's something to Build upon yeah, cuz you always gotta blow them up and you know, but how are this, this, this eventually gonna deflate?

Speaker 1: 39:20

they just got blow up, I get blow them up again. The flay, it's a, it's a cycle in itself.

Speaker 2: 39:26

Yeah, it's too much, and I think I'm kind of glad you said that, jamar, because people don't realize you own your happiness.

Speaker 1: 39:34

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2: 39:34

You can't be sad and feel like, oh, as soon as I get a man, I'm gonna be happy. No, you still won't be miserable and you gonna make the man miserable because you're supposed to be happy before the man comes or the woman comes, and then you guys can Find happiness together. You'll be happier. But if you're waiting for somebody to come and make you happy, you need to do shadow work to identify why my Stand, what is missing? What is it about me that I don't love my own company? What is it about me that I don't make myself laugh like always?

Speaker 2: 40:06

Tell people I talk to me because it's a friend of me, baby, it's the friend of me. I talk to me all the time. I enjoy my company. I enjoy other people's company, but you have to find you first, and that's when you're doing your shadow work to find your higher self, because your higher self is who you were meant to be when you came here. And then some type of trauma occurred and you started being what other people wanted you to be. Even though you were unhappy, you felt like, oh, I need to make everybody else happy, but no, you have to make you happy first, and then those people that are going to make you happier, they'll start to attract to you. They'll start to come into your circle and the ones that don't belong, that are not making you happy, they'll start to go away.

Speaker 2: 40:49

But it's all gonna start with you like really digging into you, understanding you, your likes, your dislikes, your wants, your needs, and then you'll attract what you need in your life.

Speaker 1: 41:05

Drop the mic, drop the mic bars, right, that's so true. Like you, really like you, having boundaries will get the right people in your life. Absolutely and that's what I'm starting to realize. Like you just saying no. No, it's so powerful like people think. Focus is you saying yes to a few things, but it's also saying no to a bunch of things.

Speaker 2: 41:29

Absolutely. I always say no is a answer all by itself. It needs no explanation, it needs no definition. I don't care what you asked me. If I said no, I should not have to explain why. I said no, because it's just no Like you might want me to do it to make you happy, but I know it's not what made me happy.

Speaker 1: 41:48

So no, and that's so shadow work. So you're doing on a daily basis, right? So what are some of the things you're doing for shadow work on a daily basis?

Speaker 2: 41:58

And I wouldn't say it's the daily basis. It's when those things come up, like when I have an unknown trigger, because we all have triggers, right.

Speaker 1: 42:06

When.

Speaker 2: 42:07

I have an unknown trigger. That's kind of a sign to me oh, I might need to go figure out. Why does this make me mad? And I'm trying to think of this is perfect questions. Okay, I had a trigger after someone asked me three questions and this was me growing up through my teen years 20s, 30s Like I would be like easy stop, no more questions.

Speaker 2: 42:32

And it all stemmed from when I was younger. My mom and dad had broke up. So when my dad would come and get me to go to his house for whether it was the summer or the weekend, when I came back home my mom would ask me a thousand more questions. She wanted to know how did the house look? Was it clean? Can she cook? How did she just? It was so disturbing to me. But the reason why I didn't like the questions was because of that, or when I would go to different family members house and then they would ask me questions and sometimes I didn't know I wasn't supposed to answer the questions. So when I would go home, of course my mom's asking me questions. Then she finds out I have answered questions that I shouldn't have answered. So guess who got in trouble? I did so.

Speaker 2: 43:13

My mindset was look, just don't ask me any questions. That way I don't have to worry about saying anything I wasn't supposed to say, I don't have to worry about anybody being upset, just don't ask me any questions. But in the podcast in world, I have to get comfortable with asking questions after it, comfortable people asking me questions. So with good, in these past let's say 24 months or whatever I have gotten accustomed to people asking me questions, even at work, I think when they used to come to my desk I used to like Another question because I was like this to me in a lot of areas.

Speaker 2: 43:45

So that kind of started the the area why hats kind of get the groundwork to be like you need to smile more, you need to do this more, you need to do that more. But yeah, when you find that trigger, if something triggers you, you need to identify why does that trigger me the way that it does? And that's when you're digging into your shadow work to identify it. And then you find out what you need to do to not have that trigger or, when that trigger occurs, what's the best way to deal with it, because some of our triggers were always going to have. We just need to find a more Positive way to deal with them.

Speaker 1: 44:18

I I see, yeah, like triggers. I think all right. So this is a question I've been I've been asking recently, right, so you do you think it's a bad thing to be insecure or have a partner who was insecure? Is insecurity really that bad?

Speaker 2: 44:41

It is. But is it bad to have an insecurity? No, mm-hmm. Is it bad to have an apartment with the insecurity? No. Is it bad to have an insecurity and not have it? Or have a partner with the insecurity and not know it? Yes, because if you know your insecurity then you can dig into it and find acceptance.

Speaker 2: 45:04

For example, I've always had a flat stomach. My first child I had some little fire stretch marks, still had a flat stomach. Came home, put the clothes on, it was good. Second child, I blew up like a blimp. I was a five, six, nine I pregnant, and 13, 14 when I had a.

Speaker 2: 45:21

I refuse to go and buy clothes our bar clothes for my sister but my stomach was still big and I had a real insecurity about my stomach and my spouse at the time knew that and he's to say nothing's wrong with your stomach, your stomach is perfectly fine. When I look back at those pictures, my stomach was in my mind five times bigger than what I thought it was. But because I knew that was my insecurity and he knew it was my insecurity, we were able to still kind of work through it to this day. It is still my insecurity, but it's flatter now, but it's still big, but I can. I put on the half top and say, hey, you gonna get this on my body.

Speaker 2: 45:59

It is what it is because I have to be comfortable in my body, opposed to me constantly covering it. So the insecurity is still there, but I'm more accepted of the, so I know it's there. Anybody that I date will know it's there, so we'll know. Hey, this is the insecurity, no big issue, but this is my insecurity. Growing up I, my insecurity, was all. I had big looks and big nose. I had big eyes, but I still felt like I was cute, but those were insecure. I used to feel like I had a big forehead to you.

Speaker 1: 46:30

It's just like everything big rims, real big, all right.

Speaker 2: 46:38

And you accept it and you learn how to live with it, and you Might lose them. I'm still making do what it do. So it's just kind of that type of thing with your insecurity. So I don't think it's good to not know it, but to know it yes.

Speaker 1: 46:53

I was like five, like five, five, and high school first year with big feet, mmm, and I was wide too. I was like really heavy with big feet and short.

Speaker 2: 47:06

I don't know.

Speaker 1: 47:08

Looking like a clown, but like a wall a wall clown.

Speaker 2: 47:11

That's how you felt, and you probably didn't look that way, but your mindset that's how you felt. But then something happened where you got company in there.

Speaker 1: 47:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:21

So it's. It's all about a mindset of how you see yourself, and how you see yourself is how other people want to see you. Like, if you see yourself as this clumsy person, that's how everybody's gonna see you. But if you see yourself as this, like in my mind I'm a celebrity clearly not a celebrity, but in my mind I'm like okay, I'm a celebrity and I'm a kind of move and operate in that realm if I am a celebrity, even though I'm not, and sometimes when I show up the people's branches never like what did she do, who is she?

Speaker 2: 47:52

and I just tell them all my social life. I don't tell them what I knew, I just tell my social life and that kind of fits into my mind of my delusional. It's okay to be delusional, especially when you're trying to manifest, because If you're trying to manifest a bit me and you like I don't know how it's gonna happen, but it's gonna happen you have to be delusional to believe that it's gonna happen. So that's my thing on delusion. A lot of people don't realize sometimes it's okay to be delusional.

Speaker 1: 48:19

It's totally okay. I need to get my celebrity vibe on too. I'll be dressing too modest.

Speaker 2: 48:25

Yeah, just, and it took time, it was like over time. And then I kind of had to say who do you want to be like your highest self, who do you see your highest self as? And then I start had to start actually walking and talking like that person, going to the places where that person would be at doing the things that that person would do. I'm still working on trying to wake up early in the morning to go work out every day like that. It's still a work in progress, but I can. At least. They now work out at least three times a week and at one point in my life I worked out zero days a week. So progress is progress.

Speaker 1: 49:01

So you pretty much what you're saying is you, you identify what your higher self is and now you're gonna do what it takes to be the higher.

Speaker 2: 49:08

So right, you have to actually and that's the part in manifestation Part of is visualization.

Speaker 2: 49:15

You have to visualize whatever it is that you want and that's the only thing that you kind of focus on like Podcast the world. Okay, I see this being like really big, because I feel a lot of people need to know about manifestation shadow word, eliminated, limited beliefs, you I feel like that's the confirmation bird. People need to see more of this and they don't. So I feel like, yes, there's an audience out there and as I did my research, I realized a lot of people don't realize the things that they get stuck in as far as karmic cycles, stills from childhood trauma.

Speaker 2: 49:51

So just from looking at that, it's like, okay, a lot of people are going to have to dig back and scale back to those younger years and sometimes you're going to unlock stuff that you've blocked out of your brain for decades, like I had walked out the fact that I grew up on property. I didn't realize that into this last six months of shadow work that I was working on um, which started because my dad passed, and it was just like one thing after another and I was like, oh, oh, that's what this is. Okay, I'm supposed to be doing shadow work. So those are some of the things that I identified, and they helped me understand more or better of why I'm the person that I am today.

Speaker 1: 50:30

I got you. That's all right. So closing out right. What is one thing that the audience can take from you, um, that you think will change their life, their day? Everything like one. Give me a bar. You've been doing it's a lot of bars right now. You've been in bars all up, so we'll give me one bar.

Speaker 2: 50:53

I think the one thing that everyone that listens to this can do, if you had any negative thought about yourself, cancel that negative thought and replace it with a positive. So for let me see what would I use. For example, let's choose fitness. For example, if you feel like I'm never going to be able to walk around this block because it's too hot, I'm just never going to be able to do it. So I say, you know what, one day I'm gonna be able to walk around this block, but right now I'm gonna just try to see if I can do 20 steps. Then you turn to 20 steps and then 40 and you keep elevating on that. So you just always use your I am statements, I can statements, and you'll see it happen.

Speaker 1: 51:34

Bars. So where can we find you? Tell us about your podcast. We're. Where can we listen?

Speaker 2: 51:39

Okay, you can listen to the podcast on youtube. Um, I'll be streaming to different networks and Anchor is where it originates the season one audio, if you want to listen at it, which right now I feel like a straight garbage season tool, is going to be straight fire. Um, I'm at top styles on all social media platforms. If you have any questions, you can email info at keepmanifestingcom, and I have a website, which is wwwkeepmanifestingcom that will be going back up, which will give you your shadow work gear, your manifestation tools, just all the things that you need to cancel out those limiting beliefs that you might be holding on to Not realize, and that's part of what's holding you back.

Speaker 1: 52:27

All right, thank you so much with that, guys. Um, remember to hit the like button and subscribe and follow if you are on our audio platforms. And again, if you are interested in being any part of the medium, get alive on monday's, let me know. We have a lot of great subjects. Thank you so much, guys, for listening and have a great day.